Reactions to Embracing Your Femme(ness)

[spritzerJ]

Femme enough? Butch enough?

Being enough is THE given in the equation, the provision we all have on our journey.

I've struggled with "the enough" and worth. Oh I have and do. If I know one thing when I feel like I know nothing it is that worth and being enough is the pivot point.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by spritzerJ

Femme enough? Butch enough?

Being enough is THE given in the equation, the provision we all have on our journey.

I've struggled with "the enough" and worth. Oh I have and do. If I know one thing when I feel like I know nothing it is that worth and being enough is the pivot point.

I feel when "the enough" is over looked and we don't claim our space the hierarchy of what is butch/woman/Femme/guy enough crappy stereotypical expectation blots our gender/presentation/label/person canvas!


It leads to a dangerous concept of competition mentality. Dislike!

[girl_dee]

Yaknow that makes me want to jump on top of this table and say *YES!!!*

i've had enough of the enough word too.

i'm enough for ME. i don't have to validate myself, my partner, my past, my anything. i'm SO over it, SO over it.

i can't change, i've tried, and for the first time ever, i don't fucking want to!

AND i am with someone who does not want me to change and stop being this way or that way, thank GODDESS because i would rather be alone that to keep hearing that i need to change to suit someone else's idea of what THEY want to be.

[spritzerJ]

I appreciate CajunDee's statement that in relationship now it works because she knows who she is (both she's ).

When you know who you are you share who you are. A person has a chance and choice to love and honor who you are. That is an amazing feat, a miracle. And it happens in relationships to of many types.

So this reminds me that my femme angst and my earlier problems with assumptions is my responsibility. To connect to myself and communicate who I am clearly.

[aishah]

am so grateful for the wisdom that's being shared about accepting/communicating who we are and recognizing that we are enough and that that validation can't/shouldn't come from outside.

i struggle with that a lot, and it's gotten a lot better as i've grown up, and i'm sure i'll continue to come to terms with it more. i think for me it's felt like a slow process (but really looking at it in reality it hasn't been all THAT slow). i'm just of the serenity NOW! mindset

i definitely agree that for me experiencing that validation with my partner in a relationship has been incredibly affirming and helpful along the journey.

[spritzerJ]

Originally Posted by aishah

am so grateful for the wisdom that's being shared about accepting/communicating who we are and recognizing that we are enough and that that validation can't/shouldn't come from outside.

i struggle with that a lot, and it's gotten a lot better as i've grown up, and i'm sure i'll continue to come to terms with it more. i think for me it's felt like a slow process (but really looking at it in reality it hasn't been all THAT slow). i'm just of the serenity NOW! mindset

i definitely agree that for me experiencing that validation with my partner in a relationship has been incredibly affirming and helpful along the journey.

I am of the mindset that the struggle with worth is okay. I get to be gentle with myself when I struggle with it. My goal is to keep shrinking the interval between when I question my worth and when I remind myself that worth is the given until there is no interval.

You voicing your struggle with worth gives us the chance to challenge and hold a space of love for you. So thank you! Because it is beautiful to see you choose into your worth.

[girl_dee]

One of the things we work on, on a daily basis is my reminding myself that i am worthy and enough. i forget stuff easily. i am much better about that.

In the past whenever someone was not happy with me, i felt i was not enough.
Not sexy enough, not thin enough, not femme enough, not rich enough, not pretty enough, not good enough... i've cut, starved, beaten myself up over it my entire life, it feels good to say that i no longer feel like i am broken, or not enough.

Enough, we all are.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Proud cuss like a sailor, mistaken for a *lady*, can whoop your ass physically and cerebral kinda Femme...

[girl_dee]

hah, indeed! ...

[Syr]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

One of the things we work on, on a daily basis is my reminding myself that i am worthy and enough. i forget stuff easily. i am much better about that.

In the past whenever someone was not happy with me, i felt i was not enough.
Not sexy enough, not thin enough, not femme enough, not rich enough, not pretty enough, not good enough... i've cut, starved, beaten myself up over it my entire life, it feels good to say that i no longer feel like i am broken, or not enough.

Enough, we all are.

The U joints in the truck need to be changed. I love you exactly as you are. Wouldn't change a thing.....well....perhaps the volume on the snoring

[girl_dee]

Thank you!!

Heck i am in the mood to change the Ujoints and maybe pull the motor out of the farm truck, just so i can reinstall it!

[spritzerJ]

Whole Worthy Femme learning to claim her space... feeling much much more centered. Thank you for the space to share, be and converse.

Now about that pencil I was looking for... I really don't dare to write in my calendar in pen. I just can not do it. I bet The General has one... but the glitter in her room is so distracting.

[Bleu]

Originally Posted by spritzerJ

I am of the mindset that the struggle with worth is okay. I get to be gentle with myself when I struggle with it. My goal is to keep shrinking the interval between when I question my worth and when I remind myself that worth is the given until there is no interval.

You voicing your struggle with worth gives us the chance to challenge and hold a space of love for you. So thank you! Because it is beautiful to see you choose into your worth.

I thank you all for the wisdom and support that these posts have brought to me and to so many today. This has been so worth it. I know I feel more worth it than ever myself right now. I can't wait to meet everyone!!! I'm buzzing!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
xo,
Bleu

[The_Lady_Snow]

Amen!! Cause the Femme spectrum goes wayyyy beyond who we fuck.love.date to as simple as who we fuck.love.date. We aré entities defined by such a vast number of things from the most complex to the simplest of tastes.

I love love love being Femme, I take great pride in that!

[spritzerJ]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Amen!! Cause the Femme spectrum goes wayyyy beyond who we fuck.love.date to as simple as who we fuck.love.date. We aré entities defined by such a vast number of things from the most complex to the simplest of tastes.

I love love love being Femme, I take great pride in that!

hee, hee! It is amazing how the conversation has gone to day. I am sooo grateful I could not find a pencil to do my work decided to be here instead. It was just what I needed.

I adore the simple complex spectrum of myself and who we are all together. I'm a sucker for a good dichotomy.

[gaea]

would you know it by looking at me? the queer femme that i am the one that i see, would you recognize me? I do not stand out with painted nails and painted toes hair done up and make up applied, i often look straight am often times mistaken for such....would you know a sister if you saw her walking down the street?

my tattoo on my right arm a dead give away....often covered by work clothes etc....displayed only when amongst my people .....so would you know it would you know by looking at me how i id?

I love my heels and dresses too....so would you know? would you recognize?

Often times mistaken as straight and i have embraced my femme me who i am no matter what ....

the ever after invisible femme......embraced....

[NJFemmie]

I grew up in a household where my mother worked side by side with my father - and that meant whether it was painting the house, gardening, or putting up a fence. No one ever questioned my mother's femininity - and she proudly did all of this with her makeup on. I never grew up with ideals of what girls should do versus boys - and I was fortunate in that my mother didn't stress "gender-correctness" as I got older.

I played with boy toys. When I was given a doll, I was told I would rip the head off and use it like a ball. (Thank God I don't remember that...) I had nephews that were close in age to me, and they were more like my little brothers. I grew up with the freedom of my own expression - and it was never questioned.

I was STUNNED when I came out and eventually made my way toward the butch/femme dynamic. There is where I observed what and what not to do. (Supposedly) I was slammed with things like "that's not very lady like" or "that isn't very femme of you". How femme should I be, should I let that butch open the door for me?

PPfftt.

Okay, so I tried to roll with it. It got tired very quickly. I realized I was giving up myself to make someone else happy. Ultimately, this was going to make that person miserable, because hell hath no fury like a woman suppressed. I tried to avoid the stereotyped personalities.

Some thought I wasn't femme enough, others thought I was too femme. Some didn't know how to categorize me.

Well, I still don't know how to categorize me, but I'm okay with that. That's the beauty of discovery and expression - it's ever changing and ever evolving. I know who I am inside, and that is really all that matters in the end.