Permission to propose

bright_arrow · 09-02-2012, 05:06 PM

The end of my dad's toast "I wish them many years of happiness, and many children.. that they must raise themselves!"

I have yet to upload my father-in-law's speech.. I think I have it somewhere

bright_arrow · 09-02-2012, 05:14 PM

Steph, hope your wedding is hella fun! This is how my family is, LOL

Good luck!

As you see, I suck at the Cha Cha!

jac · 09-02-2012, 06:59 PM

Permission...?

Ummm hmmm... nope, this isn't me. If I were to "technically" get married, which I really don't foresee happening, I would not ask for permission. Spritz and I have had discussions about our mothers, in length, to know that they are one in the same and with knowing THAT... there really isn't a need IMHO to irritate her with this sort of thing. I think I would, over time, be accepted as Spritz's mate and the same would go for her with my mother... but I know my mom wouldn't appreciate it, if the tables were turned, so I am going to assume that her mother wouldn't either.

skeeter_01 · 09-02-2012, 07:09 PM

I asked her 2 sons who were 11 and 7 at the time...

Bard · 09-02-2012, 07:56 PM

I did ask Goose who was 7 she was all for it as she loves Desd so much and She loves her NEW Grandparents

Ciaran · 09-03-2012, 12:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bard

I did ask Goose who was 7 she was all for it as she loves Desd so much and She loves her NEW Grandparents

I mis-read this at first (early morning here) and thought you'd asked for a girl's hand in marriage when you were aged 7. Reminded me of the first time I asked a girl to marry me - I was either 4 or 5. She said yes, but that we should wait until we were grown up. She then gave me a peck on the cheek and we went back to making daisy chains.

On the underlying issue of permission to marry. I strongly embrace family / extended family. The various twists and turns my life has taken in recent years have strengthened this feeling.

However, I wouldn't ask permission from the parents of my partner as I would view it as nothing more than ceremony or pretence as, if for whatever reason they refused "permission", I'd proceed with the marriage anyway if both my partner & I wanted that.

That said, given my sense of family, I'd very much want my partner's parents to be happy wig their daughter's choice of partner and to believe that I would do right by her, loving her with my heart and soul.

Children, if under the age of 18, are an extremely important part of the equation. Again, I wouldn't ask their permission but, assuming that they were living with my partner, their happiness and support of the marriage would be something approaching a pre-requisite for me. They wouldn't have a veto, per se, but I couldn't discount their feelings in a way that I could of unsupportive prospective in-laws.

Generally, I view the whole "permission to marry" concept as outdated and, similarly to most marriage rituals, it doesn't sit easy with me. I'm conservative and a traditionalist and I embrace many rituals and practices that would be viewed by moat in today's world as relics of the past. However, the marriage ones are just a complete turn off for me ..... Not certain why this is but I'be seen too many friends get married for the wedding, the big day and he excitement + expectation, often overlooking what the marriage is actually about which, in my view, is the expression of a life-long commitment to a partner, for better or worse.

always2late · 09-03-2012, 12:33 AM

My first marriage was to my son's father..and he did not ask my father's permission. Although I come from an Italian family that is VERY conscious of old traditions...I did not feel it necessary for anyone to get "permission" to marry me. Permission harkens back to the time when women were considered the property of their family, until such time as they were married. The permission aspect was not so much a blessing, as a transfer of said property.

That being said....at this point in my life should I decide to get married again, the only person I would seek an opinion from is my son.

09-02-2012, 07:09 PM	#4
skeeter_01 Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: Hey you! Relationship Status: Sleeping single in a double bed.. Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: ann arbor, michigan Posts: 195 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 288 Thanked 477 Times in 130 Posts Rep Power: 3007277	I asked her 2 sons who were 11 and 7 at the time... __________________ Texting while driving is a real KILLER!!! ‎"It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together...but it takes only one nut to scatter them all over the highway..." Jeff PARAMEDIC

09-02-2012, 07:56 PM	#5
Bard Family Man How Do You Identify?: TG Male Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones Relationship Status: She just gets me Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ..... Posts: 2,828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,997 Thanked 12,786 Times in 2,431 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I did ask Goose who was 7 she was all for it as she loves Desd so much and She loves her NEW Grandparents __________________ This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name! Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.

09-03-2012, 12:33 AM	#7
always2late Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: m'lady Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NJ Posts: 2,000 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,834 Thanked 6,231 Times in 1,462 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	My first marriage was to my son's father..and he did not ask my father's permission. Although I come from an Italian family that is VERY conscious of old traditions...I did not feel it necessary for anyone to get "permission" to marry me. Permission harkens back to the time when women were considered the property of their family, until such time as they were married. The permission aspect was not so much a blessing, as a transfer of said property. That being said....at this point in my life should I decide to get married again, the only person I would seek an opinion from is my son. __________________ Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there ~ Rumi

09-02-2012, 05:06 PM	#1
bright_arrow ☆ the stars are aligned ☆ How Do You Identify?: one queer mama Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: married to my Boo Daddy <3 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: nor cal Posts: 2,910 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,644 Thanked 9,363 Times in 2,296 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	The end of my dad's toast "I wish them many years of happiness, and many children.. that they must raise themselves!" I have yet to upload my father-in-law's speech.. I think I have it somewhere

09-02-2012, 05:14 PM	#2
bright_arrow ☆ the stars are aligned ☆ How Do You Identify?: one queer mama Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: married to my Boo Daddy <3 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: nor cal Posts: 2,910 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,644 Thanked 9,363 Times in 2,296 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Steph, hope your wedding is hella fun! This is how my family is, LOL Good luck! As you see, I suck at the Cha Cha!

09-02-2012, 06:59 PM	#3
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	Permission...? Ummm hmmm... nope, this isn't me. If I were to "technically" get married, which I really don't foresee happening, I would not ask for permission. Spritz and I have had discussions about our mothers, in length, to know that they are one in the same and with knowing THAT... there really isn't a need IMHO to irritate her with this sort of thing. I think I would, over time, be accepted as Spritz's mate and the same would go for her with my mother... but I know my mom wouldn't appreciate it, if the tables were turned, so I am going to assume that her mother wouldn't either.