Permission to propose

[Ciaran]

Originally Posted by Bard

I did ask Goose who was 7 she was all for it as she loves Desd so much and She loves her NEW Grandparents

I mis-read this at first (early morning here) and thought you'd asked for a girl's hand in marriage when you were aged 7. Reminded me of the first time I asked a girl to marry me - I was either 4 or 5. She said yes, but that we should wait until we were grown up. She then gave me a peck on the cheek and we went back to making daisy chains.


On the underlying issue of permission to marry. I strongly embrace family / extended family. The various twists and turns my life has taken in recent years have strengthened this feeling.

However, I wouldn't ask permission from the parents of my partner as I would view it as nothing more than ceremony or pretence as, if for whatever reason they refused "permission", I'd proceed with the marriage anyway if both my partner & I wanted that.

That said, given my sense of family, I'd very much want my partner's parents to be happy wig their daughter's choice of partner and to believe that I would do right by her, loving her with my heart and soul.

Children, if under the age of 18, are an extremely important part of the equation. Again, I wouldn't ask their permission but, assuming that they were living with my partner, their happiness and support of the marriage would be something approaching a pre-requisite for me. They wouldn't have a veto, per se, but I couldn't discount their feelings in a way that I could of unsupportive prospective in-laws.

Generally, I view the whole "permission to marry" concept as outdated and, similarly to most marriage rituals, it doesn't sit easy with me. I'm conservative and a traditionalist and I embrace many rituals and practices that would be viewed by moat in today's world as relics of the past. However, the marriage ones are just a complete turn off for me ..... Not certain why this is but I'be seen too many friends get married for the wedding, the big day and he excitement + expectation, often overlooking what the marriage is actually about which, in my view, is the expression of a life-long commitment to a partner, for better or worse.

[always2late]

My first marriage was to my son's father..and he did not ask my father's permission. Although I come from an Italian family that is VERY conscious of old traditions...I did not feel it necessary for anyone to get "permission" to marry me. Permission harkens back to the time when women were considered the property of their family, until such time as they were married. The permission aspect was not so much a blessing, as a transfer of said property.

That being said....at this point in my life should I decide to get married again, the only person I would seek an opinion from is my son.

[Martina]

It would never occur to me to ask a prospective partner's parents for her "hand."

[Ciaran]

Originally Posted by Martina

It would never occur to me to ask a prospective partner's parents for her "hand."

If someone asked my parents for permission to marry me, my father would come out with some sort of wise-crack along the lines of, "Hallelujah - great to finally get Ciaran off our hands after decades of eating us out of house and home. Oh, and if you are ever stupid enough to lend Ciaran any money, write it off as you'll never see it again."

I should add that my dad is my best friend who warmly embraces my partners, respecting my decisions in this regard. In fact, my parents are hosting one of my exes for a week this coming Christmas.