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09-09-2012, 08:32 PM
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#1 |
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Member
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She or Goddess Relationship Status:
Settled in Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Edmonton Alberta
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A Funny Letter
Below you will find the script to write your letter. A friend had this on her FaceBook page and we started laughing and couldn't stop. It was so funny...or maybe we need sleep. You can decide for yourself.
Dear Stacy, I don't really know how to tell you this, but your nostrils are insulting. I think I realized it that night you picked your nose at the mental hospital and I saw you sit on my corned beef hash. I'm sure you're high enough to understand how awful you are. I'm returning the pictures from Vegas to you, but I'll keep your Mom as a memory. You should also know that I love your sweet, sweet ass and our friendship is ruined. Best of luck on the sex change, laruss You can play along if you like, or not, it's up to you. I laughed. .................................................. .................................................. ...... Dear (someone you recently talked to), I don't really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realized it when (2)(3) and I saw you (4)(5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11). (12), (Your name) 1) What's the color of your shirt? Blue - I'm in love with your cat Red - Our affair is over White - I’m joining the Convent Black -Our romance is over Green- Our socks don't match Grey - You're a leprechaun Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy Pink - Your nostrils are insulting Brown - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you No shirt -The mafia wants you Other -I dislike your eyelashes 2) Which is your birth month? January - That night you picked your nose February -When I quoted Forest Gump March - When your dwarf bit me April - When I tripped on peanut butter May - When I finally changed my underwear June - When you put cuffs on me July – When I saw the purple monkey August - When you smacked my ass September - Last year when you peed your pants October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub November - When your dog humped my leg December - When I threw up in your sock drawer 3) Which food do you prefer? Tacos - In your apartment Chicken- In your car Pasta - Outside of your office Hamburgers - Under the bus Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner Lasagna - In your closet Kebab - With Jean Chrétien Seafood - In a clown suit Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert Pizza - At the mental hospital Hot dog - Under a street light Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper 4) What's the color of your socks? Yellow - Ignore Red - Put whipped cream on Black - Hit on Blue - Knock out Purple - Pour syrup on White - Carve your initials into Grey - Pull the clothes off Brown - bite off Orange - Castrate Pink - Pull the pants off of Barefoot - Sit on Other - Drive over 5) What's the color of your underwear? Black - My boyfriend White - My father Grey – The Catholic Priest Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie Purple - My corned beef hash Red – My knee caps Blue - My salt-beef bucket Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana Orange - My Blink 182 cd Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection Other --The elephant in the corner 6) What do you prefer to watch on TV? One Tree Hill - Senile Heroes- Frostbitten Lost - High Simpsons- Cowardly The news - Scarred American Idol - Masochistic Family Guy - Open Top Model - Middle-class Annat -shamed 7) Your mood right now? Happy - How awful you are Sad - How boring you are Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men Angry - That your smell makes me vomit Depressed – That we’re related Excited - That I may pee my pants Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you Worried - That your Ford sucks Apathetic - That you need a sex-change Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid Other - That your driving sucks 8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom? White - Your toe ring Yellow - Your love letters to me Red - The pictures from Vegas Black - Your pet rock Blue - The couch cushions Green - Your car Orange - your false teeth Brown - Your nose hair clippers Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket Pink - The cut toenails Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear 9) The first letter of your last name? A/B - Your left ear C/D - Your photo with the mustache drawn on it E/F - Your neighbors dog G/H - Your glass eye I/J - My virginity K/L - The results of that blood-sample M/N - The oil tank from your car O/P - My common sense Q/R - Your mom S/T -your collection of butterflies U/V - Your criminal record W/X – Your sucide note Y/Z - Your credit cards 10) The last letter in your first name? A/B - Love your sweet, sweet ass C/D - Always will remember the pep talks E/F -Never will forget that night G/H – Will not tell the authorites that you stole the whale from the backyard. I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly K/L - Hate your cooking M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises Q/R - Get sick when I think of your feet S/T - Always wanted to break your legs U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart W/X - Haven’t showered in a month Y/Z – am better off without you 11) What do you prefer to drink? Wine- Our friendship is ruined Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo Milk - The apartment building is on fire Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war. Snapple/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked out Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine Other – you should stop picking your nose 12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation? Thailand – Warm tingly sensations Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard France - Love always Spain - With tears of sadness China – You make me sick Germany – Please don’t hurt me Japan - Go milk a cow Greece - Your everlasting enemy USA - Best of luck on the sex change Egypt – Kiss my butt England - Go drown yourself
__________________
 Creativity is a drug I can't do without.-Cecil B. DeMille 
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09-09-2012, 08:50 PM
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#2 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Country Boi Preferred Pronoun?:
call it as u see it Relationship Status:
Completely...complete ;)  Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Either at the beach or in the pool
Posts: 1,665
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Dear Jess,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it when I quoted Forest Gump in your closet and I saw you carve your initials into the Catholic Priest. I'm sure you're frostbitten enough to understand that your driving sucks. I'm returning your toe ring to you, but I'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I love your sweet, sweet ass and your Cucumber-fetishism is weird. Kisss MY Butt, T. hehehe love it
__________________
"You don't Find life worth living; You MAKE IT that way" |
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09-09-2012, 08:50 PM
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#3 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Since You Need A Label. Butch Relationship Status:
Still Dreaming Of My Happily Ever After Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Arlington Texas
Posts: 4,009
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Thanked 5,364 Times in 1,941 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
Dear Kelley :
I don't really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it when I finally changed my underwear in your apartment. And I saw you carve your initials into the elephant in the corner. Im sure your senile enough to understand Im returning your toe ring to you but I will keep your photo with the mustache drawn on it as a memory. You should also know that I told in my confession today about the moose poaching and our friendship is ruined. With Tears Of Sadness BBM |
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09-09-2012, 09:04 PM
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#4 |
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Infamous Member
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femme Preferred Pronoun?:
femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 6,100
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fun!!!
Dear Bully,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but i'm in love with your cat. I think I realized it when your dog humped my leg under the bus and I saw you sit on your "my little pony collection". I'm sure you're Masochistic enough to understand that Santa doesn't exist. I'm returning the pictures from Vegas to you, but I'll keep the oil tank from your car as a memory. You should also know that I mocked you behind your back constantly and you should stop picking your nose. Love always, Belle
__________________
~ I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou |
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09-09-2012, 09:06 PM
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#5 |
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Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Daddy's good girl Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Jersey
Posts: 16,642
Thanks: 2,529
Thanked 12,293 Times in 5,185 Posts
Rep Power: 21474868 |
Dear Rhon,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but The mafia wants you I think I realized it when When we skinny dipped in the bathtub Outside of your office and I saw you Sit on The elephant in the corner. I'm sure you're Cowardly enough to understand That Santa doesn't exist. I'm returning Your nose hair clippers to you, but I'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I Never will forget that night and Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird. Go drown yourself, Sherrie
__________________
Clicking on these dragon eggs will take you to my new erotic novella: Dragon Bait  .........Hope you enjoy it!________________________________________________ Please take a look at my work  Click on flashing smilie to see my websiteTo look at my Daddy/girl erotica book  Click on pompom girl to see Elbows on the Table, Palms Flat
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09-12-2012, 11:30 PM
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#6 |
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Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
stone femme Daddy's girl Preferred Pronoun?:
she/her Relationship Status:
disinterested 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: in my head
Posts: 991
Thanks: 5,848
Thanked 3,745 Times in 734 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Dear P,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm joining a convent. I think I realized it when we skinny dipped in the bathtub as you were eating Kraft dinner and I saw you sit on your my little pony collection. I'm sure you're middle class enough to understand how boring you are. I'm returning our matching Snoopy underwear to you, but I'll keep the results of that blood sample as a memory. You should also know that I will never forget that night and you should stop picking your nose. Greetings to your frog Leonard, Nomad ----------------------- RULES: Dear (someone you recently talked to), I don't really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realized it when (2)(3) and I saw you (4)(5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11). (12), (Your name) 1) What's the color of your shirt? Blue - I'm in love with your cat Red - Our affair is over White - I’m joining the Convent Black -Our romance is over Green- Our socks don't match Grey - You're a leprechaun Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy Pink - Your nostrils are insulting Brown - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you No shirt -The mafia wants you Other -I dislike your eyelashes 2) Which is your birth month? January - That night you picked your nose February -When I quoted Forest Gump March - When your dwarf bit me April - When I tripped on peanut butter May - When I finally changed my underwear June - When you put cuffs on me July – When I saw the purple monkey August - When you smacked my ass September - Last year when you peed your pants October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub November - When your dog humped my leg December - When I threw up in your sock drawer 3) Which food do you prefer? Tacos - In your apartment Chicken- In your car Pasta - Outside of your office Hamburgers - Under the bus Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner Lasagna - In your closet Kebab - With Jean Chrétien Seafood - In a clown suit Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert Pizza - At the mental hospital Hot dog - Under a street light Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper 4) What's the color of your socks? Yellow - Ignore Red - Put whipped cream on Black - Hit on Blue - Knock out Purple - Pour syrup on White - Carve your initials into Grey - Pull the clothes off Brown - bite off Orange - Castrate Pink - Pull the pants off of Barefoot - Sit on Other - Drive over 5) What's the color of your underwear? Black - My boyfriend White - My father Grey – The Catholic Priest Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie Purple - My corned beef hash Red – My knee caps Blue - My salt-beef bucket Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana Orange - My Blink 182 cd Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection Other --The elephant in the corner 6) What do you prefer to watch on TV? One Tree Hill - Senile Heroes- Frostbitten Lost - High Simpsons- Cowardly The news - Scarred American Idol - Masochistic Family Guy - Open Top Model - Middle-class Annat -shamed 7) Your mood right now? Happy - How awful you are Sad - How boring you are Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men Angry - That your smell makes me vomit Depressed – That we’re related Excited - That I may pee my pants Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you Worried - That your Ford sucks Apathetic - That you need a sex-change Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid Other - That your driving sucks 8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom? White - Your toe ring Yellow - Your love letters to me Red - The pictures from Vegas Black - Your pet rock Blue - The couch cushions Green - Your car Orange - your false teeth Brown - Your nose hair clippers Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket Pink - The cut toenails Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear 9) The first letter of your last name? A/B - Your left ear C/D - Your photo with the mustache drawn on it E/F - Your neighbors dog G/H - Your glass eye I/J - My virginity K/L - The results of that blood-sample M/N - The oil tank from your car O/P - My common sense Q/R - Your mom S/T -your collection of butterflies U/V - Your criminal record W/X – Your sucide note Y/Z - Your credit cards 10) The last letter in your first name? A/B - Love your sweet, sweet ass C/D - Always will remember the pep talks E/F -Never will forget that night G/H – Will not tell the authorites that you stole the whale from the backyard. I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly K/L - Hate your cooking M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises Q/R - Get sick when I think of your feet S/T - Always wanted to break your legs U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart W/X - Haven’t showered in a month Y/Z – am better off without you 11) What do you prefer to drink? Wine- Our friendship is ruined Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo Milk - The apartment building is on fire Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war. Snapple/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked out Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine Other – you should stop picking your nose 12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation? Thailand – Warm tingly sensations Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard France - Love always Spain - With tears of sadness China – You make me sick Germany – Please don’t hurt me Japan - Go milk a cow Greece - Your everlasting enemy USA - Best of luck on the sex change Egypt – Kiss my butt England - Go drown yourself[/QUOTE] |
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09-12-2012, 11:48 PM
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#7 |
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☆ the stars are aligned ☆
How Do You Identify?:
one queer mama Preferred Pronoun?:
she/her Relationship Status:
married to my Boo Daddy <3 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: nor cal
Posts: 2,910
Thanks: 3,644
Thanked 9,363 Times in 2,296 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854  |
Dear Bard,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I dislike your eyelashes. I think I realized it when when you put cuffs on me at the mental hospital and I saw you hit on my boyfriend. I'm sure you're open enough to understand that I may pee my pants. I'm returning your toe ring to you, but I'll keep my virginity as a memory. You should also know that I always will remember the pep talks and our friendship is ruined. Go drown yourself, desd |
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09-13-2012, 04:20 AM
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#8 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
*Fierce Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
Singular 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,029
Thanks: 650
Thanked 4,460 Times in 854 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
Mom is coming to dinner tonight, I HAVE to read this to her LOL
Dear Mom,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but the Mafia wants you. I think I realized it when I saw the purple monkey in your car and I saw you sit on my Father. I'm sure you're scarred enough to understand that Santa doesn't exist. I'm returning your Hannah Montana underwear to you, but I'll keep my virginity as a memory. You should also know that I mocked you behind your back constantly and I'm scratching my butt as you read this. Kiss my butt, Jewel |
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09-13-2012, 04:45 AM
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#9 |
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Timed Out - Permanent
How Do You Identify?:
butch stone Preferred Pronoun?:
masculine ones work best... Relationship Status:
♥ engaged to spritz ♥ 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: bangor, maine
Posts: 3,344
Thanks: 20,720
Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Dear Spritz,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but you're a leprechaun. I think I realized it when when your dwarf bit me in your closet and I saw you hit on my salt-beef bucket. I'm sure you're open enough to understand that I'm alergic to your earlobes. I'm returning your toe ring to you, but I'll keep your glass eye as a memory. You should also know that I never will forget that night and I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo. Greetings to your frog Leonard, Stoney LOL this was cute... and fun. 
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09-13-2012, 06:10 AM
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#10 |
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Italian Stallion
How Do You Identify?:
DNA Usually... Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: In a van, down by the river..
Posts: 2,702
Thanks: 1,557
Thanked 4,714 Times in 1,263 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854 |
Dear Lisa,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I dislike your eyelashes. I think I realized it when we skinny dipped in the bathtub at the mental hospital and I saw you knock out my father. I'm sure you're open enough to understand that your driving sucks. I'm returning the couch cushions to you, but I'll keep my virginity as a memory. You should also know that I love your sweet, sweet ass and i'm off to lead a new life as a lemon. Greetings to your frog Leonard, -Scorp- ----------------------- RULES: Dear (someone you recently talked to), I don't really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realized it when (2)(3) and I saw you (4)(5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11). (12), (Your name) 1) What's the color of your shirt? Blue - I'm in love with your cat Red - Our affair is over White - I’m joining the Convent Black -Our romance is over Green- Our socks don't match Grey - You're a leprechaun Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy Pink - Your nostrils are insulting Brown - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you No shirt -The mafia wants you Other -I dislike your eyelashes 2) Which is your birth month? January - That night you picked your nose February -When I quoted Forest Gump March - When your dwarf bit me April - When I tripped on peanut butter May - When I finally changed my underwear June - When you put cuffs on me July – When I saw the purple monkey August - When you smacked my ass September - Last year when you peed your pants October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub November - When your dog humped my leg December - When I threw up in your sock drawer 3) Which food do you prefer? Tacos - In your apartment Chicken- In your car Pasta - Outside of your office Hamburgers - Under the bus Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner Lasagna - In your closet Kebab - With Jean Chrétien Seafood - In a clown suit Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert Pizza - At the mental hospital Hot dog - Under a street light Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper 4) What's the color of your socks? Yellow - Ignore Red - Put whipped cream on Black - Hit on Blue - Knock out Purple - Pour syrup on White - Carve your initials into Grey - Pull the clothes off Brown - bite off Orange - Castrate Pink - Pull the pants off of Barefoot - Sit on Other - Drive over 5) What's the color of your underwear? Black - My boyfriend White - My father Grey – The Catholic Priest Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie Purple - My corned beef hash Red – My knee caps Blue - My salt-beef bucket Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana Orange - My Blink 182 cd Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection Other --The elephant in the corner 6) What do you prefer to watch on TV? One Tree Hill - Senile Heroes- Frostbitten Lost - High Simpsons- Cowardly The news - Scarred American Idol - Masochistic Family Guy - Open Top Model - Middle-class Annat -shamed 7) Your mood right now? Happy - How awful you are Sad - How boring you are Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men Angry - That your smell makes me vomit Depressed – That we’re related Excited - That I may pee my pants Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you Worried - That your Ford sucks Apathetic - That you need a sex-change Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid Other - That your driving sucks 8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom? White - Your toe ring Yellow - Your love letters to me Red - The pictures from Vegas Black - Your pet rock Blue - The couch cushions Green - Your car Orange - your false teeth Brown - Your nose hair clippers Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket Pink - The cut toenails Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear 9) The first letter of your last name? A/B - Your left ear C/D - Your photo with the mustache drawn on it E/F - Your neighbors dog G/H - Your glass eye I/J - My virginity K/L - The results of that blood-sample M/N - The oil tank from your car O/P - My common sense Q/R - Your mom S/T -your collection of butterflies U/V - Your criminal record W/X – Your sucide note Y/Z - Your credit cards 10) The last letter in your first name? A/B - Love your sweet, sweet ass C/D - Always will remember the pep talks E/F -Never will forget that night G/H – Will not tell the authorites that you stole the whale from the backyard. I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly K/L - Hate your cooking M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises Q/R - Get sick when I think of your feet S/T - Always wanted to break your legs U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart W/X - Haven’t showered in a month Y/Z – am better off without you 11) What do you prefer to drink? Wine- Our friendship is ruined Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo Milk - The apartment building is on fire Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war. Snapple/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked out Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine Other – you should stop picking your nose 12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation? Thailand – Warm tingly sensations Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard France - Love always Spain - With tears of sadness China – You make me sick Germany – Please don’t hurt me Japan - Go milk a cow Greece - Your everlasting enemy USA - Best of luck on the sex change Egypt – Kiss my butt England - Go drown yourself[/QUOTE][/QUOTE] |
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09-13-2012, 07:15 AM
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#11 |
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She, Her, etc Relationship Status:
Single 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,767
Thanks: 9,029
Thanked 13,024 Times in 4,784 Posts
Rep Power: 21474859 |
Dear Sara,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it when your dwarf bit me in your closet and I saw you knock out my father. I'm sure you're masochistic enough to understand how aweful you are. I'm returning your toe ring to you, but I'll keep your photo with the moustache drawn on it as a memory. You should also know that I will not tell the authorities that you stole the whale from the backyard and I'm off to lead a new life as a lemon. Love Always, Leigh
__________________
"When you fall off the wagon ... clutch the sides of it until you get a better grip!" 
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09-14-2012, 12:11 AM
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#12 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
butch Preferred Pronoun?:
she, her Relationship Status:
taken 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: louisiana
Posts: 367
Thanks: 29
Thanked 142 Times in 46 Posts
Rep Power: 1399787 |
Dear Janey,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but purple hedgehogs want to destroy you. I think I realized it when you put cuffs on me in a clownsuit and I saw you carve your initials into my father. I'm sure you're high enough to understand that I get turned on only by garbage men. I'm returning your Hannah Montana underwear to you, but I'll keep my common sense as a memory. You should also know that I get sick when I think of your feet and I'm scratching my butt as you read this. Kiss my butt, Rhonda HAHAHA .................................................. .................................................. ...... |
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09-15-2012, 10:32 AM
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#13 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She or Goddess Relationship Status:
Settled in Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Edmonton Alberta
Posts: 1,322
Thanks: 2,849
Thanked 5,329 Times in 1,045 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
Dear N,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm in love with your cat. I think I realized it that night you picked your nose with Jean Chrétien and I saw you hit on my illegitimate child in Ghana. I'm sure you're frostbitten enough to understand that your Ford sucks. I'm returning your nose hair clippers to you, but I'll keep your mom as a memory. You should also know that I love your sweet, sweet ass and our friendship is ruined. Best of luck on the sex change, laruss
__________________
Creativity is a drug I can't do without.-Cecil B. DeMille
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09-11-2015, 12:00 PM
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#14 |
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Superlative Soul Sister
How Do You Identify?:
Lesbian stone femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her Relationship Status:
Moving in a single file 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Cottage of Content
Posts: 13,575
Thanks: 41,435
Thanked 34,702 Times in 8,931 Posts
Rep Power: 21474861 |
Dear Sandy,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but hedgehogs want to destroy you. I think I realized it when I saw the purple monkey in a clown suit and I saw you sit on my illegitimate child in Ghana. I'm sure you're scarred (scared?) enough to understand how awful you are. I'm returning your Hannah Montana underwear to you, but I'll keep the oil tank from your car as a memory. You should also know that I love your sweet, sweet ass and you ruined my attempts at another world war. With tears of sadness, Orema .................................................. .................................................. ...... Dear (someone you recently talked to), I don't really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realized it when (2)(3) and I saw you (4)(5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11). (12), (Your name) 1) What's the color of your shirt? Blue - I'm in love with your cat Red - Our affair is over White - I’m joining the Convent Black -Our romance is over Green- Our socks don't match Grey - You're a leprechaun Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy Pink - Your nostrils are insulting Brown - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you No shirt -The mafia wants you Other -I dislike your eyelashes 2) Which is your birth month? January - That night you picked your nose February -When I quoted Forest Gump March - When your dwarf bit me April - When I tripped on peanut butter May - When I finally changed my underwear June - When you put cuffs on me July – When I saw the purple monkey August - When you smacked my ass September - Last year when you peed your pants October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub November - When your dog humped my leg December - When I threw up in your sock drawer 3) Which food do you prefer? Tacos - In your apartment Chicken- In your car Pasta - Outside of your office Hamburgers - Under the bus Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner Lasagna - In your closet Kebab - With Jean Chrétien Seafood - In a clown suit Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert Pizza - At the mental hospital Hot dog - Under a street light Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper 4) What's the color of your socks? Yellow - Ignore Red - Put whipped cream on Black - Hit on Blue - Knock out Purple - Pour syrup on White - Carve your initials into Grey - Pull the clothes off Brown - bite off Orange - Castrate Pink - Pull the pants off of Barefoot - Sit on Other - Drive over 5) What's the color of your underwear? Black - My boyfriend White - My father Grey – The Catholic Priest Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie Purple - My corned beef hash Red – My knee caps Blue - My salt-beef bucket Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana Orange - My Blink 182 cd Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection Other --The elephant in the corner 6) What do you prefer to watch on TV? One Tree Hill - Senile Heroes- Frostbitten Lost - High Simpsons- Cowardly The news - Scarred American Idol - Masochistic Family Guy - Open Top Model - Middle-class Annat -shamed 7) Your mood right now? Happy - How awful you are Sad - How boring you are Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men Angry - That your smell makes me vomit Depressed – That we’re related Excited - That I may pee my pants Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you Worried - That your Ford sucks Apathetic - That you need a sex-change Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid Other - That your driving sucks 8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom? White - Your toe ring Yellow - Your love letters to me Red - The pictures from Vegas Black - Your pet rock Blue - The couch cushions Green - Your car Orange - your false teeth Brown - Your nose hair clippers Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket Pink - The cut toenails Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear 9) The first letter of your last name? A/B - Your left ear C/D - Your photo with the mustache drawn on it E/F - Your neighbors dog G/H - Your glass eye I/J - My virginity K/L - The results of that blood-sample M/N - The oil tank from your car O/P - My common sense Q/R - Your mom S/T -your collection of butterflies U/V - Your criminal record W/X – Your sucide note Y/Z - Your credit cards 10) The last letter in your first name? A/B - Love your sweet, sweet ass C/D - Always will remember the pep talks E/F -Never will forget that night G/H – Will not tell the authorites that you stole the whale from the backyard. I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly K/L - Hate your cooking M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises Q/R - Get sick when I think of your feet S/T - Always wanted to break your legs U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart W/X - Haven’t showered in a month Y/Z – am better off without you 11) What do you prefer to drink? Wine- Our friendship is ruined Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo Milk - The apartment building is on fire Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war. Snapple/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked out Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine Other – you should stop picking your nose 12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation? Thailand – Warm tingly sensations Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard France - Love always Spain - With tears of sadness China – You make me sick Germany – Please don’t hurt me Japan - Go milk a cow Greece - Your everlasting enemy USA - Best of luck on the sex change Egypt – Kiss my butt England - Go drown yourself[/QUOTE] |
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| The Following User Says Thank You to Orema For This Useful Post: |
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09-11-2015, 05:26 PM
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#15 |
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Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?:
She, as in 'She's a GEM'
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The roads are narrow here
Posts: 36,631
Thanks: 182,498
Thanked 107,973 Times in 25,664 Posts
Rep Power: 21474888 |
Dear Jason,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I dislike your eyelashes. I think I realized it when I finally changed my underwear in a clown suit and I saw you sit on your ‘My Little Pony’ collection. I'm sure you're cowardly enough to understand that I get turned on only by garbage men. I'm returning your nose hair clippers to you, but I'll keep your left ear as a memory. You should also know that I always wanted to break your legs and you should stop picking your nose. Greetings to your frog Leonard, Gemme |
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| The Following User Says Thank You to Gemme For This Useful Post: |
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09-11-2015, 05:32 PM
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#16 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?:
Respectful and situational appropriate ones Relationship Status:
Enjoying butchelorhood 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 3,301
Thanks: 7,390
Thanked 4,380 Times in 1,233 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
Dear C,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I dislike your eyelashes. I think I realized it when I tripped on peanut butter in a clown suit and I saw you drive over the elephant in the corner. I'm sure you're open enough to understand that I may pee my pants. I'm returning your Hannah Montana underwear to you, but I'll keep the results of that blood sample as a memory. You should also know that I will not tell the authorites that you stole the whale from the backyard and you ruined my attempts at another world war. Greetings to your frog Leonard, Degs
__________________
Don't try to explain yourself to stupid people. You're not the jackass whisperer. |
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08-21-2016, 09:08 PM
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#17 |
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Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Relationship Status:
..... Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle
Posts: 38,565
Thanks: 20,811
Thanked 33,558 Times in 14,919 Posts
Rep Power: 21474890 |
Bump BUMP......looks fun! I'll post when I have the time!
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I'm misunderestimated. 
Linear Mode
