Showing scars: what are your relationship fears?

[Hominid]

Over and over ... I fall for women who seem completely engaged, talk about marriage, how where we are "going" seems inevitable ... I hold back a little but go ahead and discuss it. I fall head over heels - then I sense them pulling away and get freaked out, anxious. They sense this anxiety, and pull away or break up based on it. All this after I have *never* brought up or allowed us to fixate on a future that's fun to think about but way too early to plan - after she is talking about how I'll "of course, end up baby X's step-dad" - and "well, you have to stop smoking near the house now so it will be okay by fall" -

I realize they are probably on the rebound, not in control of their own mouth ... or I'm supposed to pull away rather than stay present. But it's a drag. The last one I truly believe was a genuine match, we were so compatible - but she assumed a lot, plugged in her own doubts with her own answers rather than talk to me. I would have been happy to stop seeing each other every day. There are lots of adjustments I would have made to keep a promising future alive.

So - my scars are abandonment issues. I am self-contained, solid, my feet on the ground - until I start to feel slippage. Maybe she's not slipping away at all, but when I sense it, my own steadiness, part of who I am, begins to slip and it's palpable, thus creating even more doubt.
Blech.

[thedivahrrrself]

I'm pretty secure in the front side of the relationship. I tend to attract the type of person I am attracted to, so I think that means I'm putting the right things out into the world.

I can fall fast, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that. As long as I don't act fast! (learned that one the hard way)

I have trusted the wrong people, but I'm lucky in that it doesn't keep me from trusting new ones. I just learned not to ignore that gut feeling I have when something just isn't right. And I start to scrutinize a lot sooner than I used to.

My relationships have typically been relatively long and stable, but my marriage scarred me a lot. My trust was broken over and over. My wife didn't love me, and I had to be the one to point that out; realistically, it was probably years after she actually stopped, if she ever did in the first place. It made me feel like an object of convenience - why would you stay with someone you don't love?

I heard a song today that reminded me of how that place felt. I am glad I'm out, and I hope it won't affect my love life in the future. But that's my scar.