Differently Abled (fly your freak flag high)

[WILDCAT]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

***Bump***

I was wondering if anyone here has seizures? If so, do you find that cartoons, video games and/or flashing/blinking things on the computer exacerbate them?

I had a seizure the other day from a youtube someone sent me, and am curious to know if anyone else has this issue.

I certainly had two very different types of "episodes"... way back after the initial trauma. Acquired, thus from brain swelling. I won't describe much here, but one felt kind of nice and the other was REALLY horrible. It was quite subtle for anyone else to pick up on. (Well except when I would suddenly lose my gait walking down a crowded, busy street!)

I was "incapacitated" though. It would become too hard to just lift a finger, or answer anyone speaking to me. My brain just couldn't process that, not for delivery anyway. And the grief I felt during these. (Nearly on a spiritual level!)

There was evidence of paroxysmal discharge through some testing at a Mahattan clinic. (Could have started out one way and became "pseudoseizures" after time?) I had all the panic and anxiety, hyperventilation, memory loss, thinking my heart stopped in the middle of the night, etc... My left/right brain wiring was so screwed up. I know the medical folks focused more though on the "psychological trauma", my back/spine, physical therapy concerns - while I fought to remain independent (and wandered carelessly, aimlessly, staggering about the city like a drunken sailor at times)! It's funny now to think of the folks expressions coming at me when this would happen!

I went for ALL of the non-traditional therapy and treatment I could get myself into, especially as treatment like accupuncture became recognized as a legit medical treatment and accepted THEN by insurance companies! (Go N.Y.! One of the first areas to do so!!) I certainly was in the right town "that way" to get hurt! Regression therapy. Cranio-sacral, Chinese Herbs, myofascial release, on and on!! I took advantage!! (Which I attribute to the rate at which I healed.)

Anyway, NOTHING for years, (after a year and a half or so of these symptoms continuously, but becoming more and more, less prevalent). Then about three years ago, I felt one of the episodes coming on. I could NOT believe it. I was truly stunned. I recognized it though, told the person I was with that I was just going to sit and that I wouldn't move, or talk for a few minutes. Actually, she asked what she could do, and I asked her to just put her arms around me and hold me, very still. She was standing and I rested my head against the front of her, the most beautiful and healing place in the world, I believe! I was under a TON of stress right then (emotionally and psychologically), and was physically way over-exerting myself. I don't know what is structurally related either. I'm a MESS that way! Plus, I have a really BAD case of TMJ, and have had to be terrified for neuralgia attacks. Quite unpleasant.

But, I didn't know I was under stress. It seemed like just a "normal" time for me - at the time.

Anyway, when you wrote this Super... I thought STROBE affect. I do not care for that AT ALL, but didn't before my accident either. Like dancing out at queer clubs as a kid! I dislike it MUCH MORE NOW. (I'm a triple earth Virgo too though, and things need to make sense!?) So, I thought maybe the video you watched had a strobe affect, or I wondered if it was of a traumatic nature in content.

Someone posted a horrific video on another site of someone very BADLY injured, it was so graphic and was traumatic to watch. I wish I hadn't opened the link. (Head injury, not the "butt" one!! But, that one is now tatted on my psyche too!!)

However, once you mentioned the emoticons, I figured flashing or strobe of some kind. And I'm glad that you did. I'm sorry if I've used any emoticon with too much movement for you Adele. I really truly just simply overlooked that. I'll try and behave now! SMOOCH!

I know with birthday wishes, I cannot use the one flashing greeting all of the time. It doesn't feel right sometimes. But, that is not all of the time - and I never thought about it until now.

Anyway, this is a difficult subject for me to speak about. I wanted to answer you much sooner, but wasn't able to, until I gathered my thoughts about some of it. Plus, I am so private. I feel this is such a very good and important thread topic though.

And the "raise your freak flag" does not feel harsh to me - at all. I think that it is a bit funny actually. Gotta have some humor!! I'm just sensitive at folks being judgmental - for ANYONE. But, I admit that I've always loved being just a little bit strange! (You know there is "good strange" and then there is... the other, kinds... like "funny uncle" or something like that - and I don't mean a comedic relative.)

OK, I might be a "tad" crazy... so what?

Later!

Hugs ALL
WILD

*I apologize for my long, rambling "incoherent" (I've been told) writing style! Hope you get something out of it!!? At least it's a relief now to know some folks "skip" over my posts! Really.

**Shorter posts to follow though, promise!