National Coming Out Day

[Little Fish]

I came out in the Fall of 1981--31 years ago now.

I came out to my two best friends at the time--Chris and Patty. I remember sitting with them at a table in our high school library before school started. I didn't plan it--or even really think about it actually. (I had known for years, finally understanding why I felt "different" from about age 4 or so-)

I said simply, "Hey. I wanna tell you guys something--I'm gay." ------
p a u s e...
Chris: "okay" * smiles*
Patty "yeah, okay.....umm, did you do your Social Studies homework?? I need to copy yours..."

And that was it. There was no surprise when I brought a (stunningly handsome) gay boy from my acting class to the Junior Prom--or a year later to the Senior Prom. (and wore a tux with him too lol-)

I came out in the SF Bay Area. Comparatively speaking, it was easy. (I'm thinking of stepfordfemme's post above and the many painful stories we still hear.) But it was still hard enough for 1981.

When I read here that it was National Coming Out Day (thanks alexri)--I thought about Chris and Patty; they remain among my closest friends and I speak with them regularly. I just joint emailed them, thanking them for being so easy and thus paving the way and calibrating my expectations of coming out, for the rest of my life.

[aishah]

we aren't doing anything special here that i know of. our youth group meetings have been kinda sporadic since school started back up.

for me i find that i don't feel as strongly (or in the same way) about coming out as a lot of people i've talked to because of cultural differences. i did a lot of safe space panels in college and i always felt out of place because i didn't have the quintessential "really great" or "really awful" coming out experience and nothing has ever tied up neatly in my life. i had a really mediocre and painful and unresolved coming out experience. and i found that being from a rural, poor, mixed-race background, honestly - being queer was not always the biggest struggle or priority for me. i know a lot of people for whom it is, especially folks who are also from the rural south, specifically because of the isolation, etc. but that wasn't my experience.

i do think it can be really helpful to talk about coming out (not just about being queer, but about all kinds of struggles and identities) because i don't think anyone should ever feel isolated or alone or like they are the only one. i do think people should know that it can get better and you can have community and you can be accepted for who you are. but i also think that that needs to be wedded to a better sensitivity to cultural differences and needs that people have around coming out/not coming out/not prioritizing coming out. and it needs to be wedded to a deeper sense of commitment to (practically and materially) supporting people who face violence, homelessness, etc. for coming out.

so...i like national coming out day. i think it can be good to tell our stories and some of the complex feelings i (and others i know) have about national coming out day can be a good starting off point for deeper discussions about the multiplicity of experiences we have or the changes we want to create.

[Dance-with-me]

I first said out loud that I was interested in women in the spring of '78 - to my best friend who had just told me that he was bisexual, who became my lover within that month and who I married later that year because despite what I knew about myself, I still could not fathom not following the path that was laid out for me - I come from a culture where 16 year old girls get cedar chests from their Granny and household gifts from their other kin, to put the pressure to marry into perspective.

I came out as a lesbian in the fall of 1980. I have been blessed since then with the economic and personal privilege that has made it possible to be mostly out since then at work, in my neighborhoods, within my extended family, and in my personal life.

However, I acknowledge that there are different levels of being out. I really struggled on many levels when I have dated transmen or TG male-ID'd butches. If I referred to them as males in conversation, and allowed others to presume I was straight, I felt as if I were hiding behind that assumption of heterosexuality, and yet it was rarely appropriate to clarify. If I referred to them by pronouns that reflected their biology instead of who they really were, I was sacrificing their identity so that I could be more easily out.

I also am not widely out with regard to my primary identify as a queer femme, and instead allow the default assumption to be that I identify as a lesbian. Even lesbian is hard enough to explain at time - and queer femme is a struggle to explain even within the LGBT community and our allies (which is why this community feels so much like "home" to me - you get me, you really really get me! ).

[gaea]

I always knew i was different somehow.....just didnt understand until later in life that i was ok and by later i mean 25

I remember speaking with my aunt and her partner in 1979 and i distinctly remember my mother calling my aunts partner a husband talk about a confused little girl as i adamantly distressed that my Aunt had a wife and how dare my mother call my aunts wife a husband ...

When i was in junior high i didn't understand crushes on boys...so i never participated in the "boy" conversations my friends had with each other

In high school and a new city, all my friends were out...(i wasn't yet)

I came out in 1995 after a marriage and 3 kids....blew the doors off as i wasted no time telling anyone who would listen ...when i told my dad he said "about time", when i told my mom she said "it's a phase"

As a femme i have to come out all the time.....

I have recently found about 30 cousins i had no idea existed and they are all on my facebook....I post a lot of things on fb regarding gay rights and such however today just for my cousins in case they didn't know already I came out yet again....

I do not live my life in the closet i haven't since 1995 and i will never again because prior to coming out i was a most unhappy girl...

[Dance-with-me]

I wanted to acknowledge another type of coming out -- when people who are otherwise politically or religiously conservative come out in support of marriage equality and anti-discrimination laws. They do so in the face of an often deeply hostile response from those who would call them a traitor to their political party or faith. I admire their willingness to distance themselves from the homophobia and take a stance that is challenging and difficult for them.

(Now if only they'd distance themselves from a lot of other nonsense...)

[SaltyButch]

Although I think it is wonderful that this day exists to encourage people to embrace who they are, it saddens me that we in fact have to have a day like this. I've spent some of the day defending myself and other "gay" folk to heterosexuals who wonder why must we have yet another day...we have Pride, we have wear Pink to work day...I said if society would just accept people for who they are no matter who they sleep with, what politics they hold what "God" they wish to serve...we could have Joy 365 days out of the year. I am fortunate that my workplace celebrates diversity in all it's forms and in fact our intranet site spoke to National Coming Out day which is what prompted the discussion. I celebrate daily who I am, an intelligent, confident, caring woman that is the core of who I am, the fact that I am a lesbian is but one facet of me and yet it is this that is constantly questioned, harassed and ridiculed. I would gladly celebrate a "We are all Equal Day" if only we could get others to believe it....so I stand tall today and acknowledge who I am and will gladly hold the hand of any other person who wants to take this journey but is unsteady on their feet.

[*Anya*]

International Coming Out Day still relevant?

93 nations in the world still legally punish homosexuality.

In 7 of these - Iran, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, United Arab Emirates, Sudan, Nigeria, Mauritania - gays and lesbians are punished with the death penalty.

It's been years since the Supreme Court officially knocked down anti-sodomy laws as unconstitutional in Lawrence v. Texas, but Texas' state legislature has thus far refused to remove the law from the books—in large part because most Texas Republicans still support it.

In 2010, Texas GOP made defense of the anti-sodomy statute part of its platform, calling for the state to effectively ignore the the law of the land: "We demand that Congress exercise its authority granted by the U.S. Constitution to withhold jurisdiction from the federal courts from cases involving sodomy." Gov. Rick Perry, meanwhile, dismissed the Lawrence decision as the product of "nine oligarchs in robes" (never mind that it was a 6–3 decision).

But Texas isn't the only state that's still legislating bedroom activity.

Fourteen states currently have laws on the books outlawing anal sex between two consenting, unrelated adults—referred to variously as "deviate sexual conduct," "the infamous crime against nature," "sodomy," and "buggery." And it's taken a concerted effort to keep those laws on the books.

Since Lawrence, efforts to formally repeal laws in Montana, Kansas, Utah, Louisiana, North Carolina, and, most notably, Texas have all faced resistance before fizzling out in their respective state legislatures.

Conservatives in those states know they can't enforce the laws, but by keeping them in the code, they can send a message that homosexuality is officially condemned by the government. So which states still have sodomy laws?

All Sodomy Outlawed: Idaho, Utah, Michigan, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana

Just for gays: Montana, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas

Yes, this lesbian feels that National and International Coming Out Day is just as relevant today, as it was in 1987.

Facts Source: Mother Jones

[laruss]

Is anyone celebrating? Is your town celebrating?