Dating other femmes exes: what do you think?

[Soft*Silver]

I have dated exes of friends. I have asked my friends first, if that was ok. Protocol. And courtesy.

the problem I see in the case Anya gave us, was the nastiness of those two flirting in front of her friend. Mean People! It was low and spiteful of them to put on a display that they knew would make Anya's friend uncomfortable. If I did date someone's ex, I would be discrete about affection in front of them until I knew everyone involved was ok with it.

I have had new girlfriends of MY exes parade in front of me. But then, I did that to someone once too, for which i am ashamed now of my past action. We learn through our mistakes or we stay bitches. I learned...

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Miss_Tia

I have dated exes of friends. I have asked my friends first, if that was ok. Protocol. And courtesy.

the problem I see in the case Anya gave us, was the nastiness of those two flirting in front of her friend. Mean People! It was low and spiteful of them to put on a display that they knew would make Anya's friend uncomfortable. If I did date someone's ex, I would be discrete about affection in front of them until I knew everyone involved was ok with it.

I have had new girlfriends of MY exes parade in front of me. But then, I did that to someone once too, for which i am ashamed now of my past action. We learn through our mistakes or we stay bitches. I learned...

Miss Tia, I appreciate that you read and "got it" exactly as written!

Just simple human kindness. Femme to femme kindness.

Dating the ex of a close, sister-heart femme would not even be in my own personal universe of clear boundaries but neither would hurting a non-close acquaintance by flirting in front a recently dumped or in pain femme.

That is just me.

I get that many of you have a different belief or value system.

We certainly do not always agree on the Planet and everyone is entitled to their own opinion, as is our right.

[QueenofSmirks]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

Miss Tia, I appreciate that you read and "got it" exactly as written!

Just simple human kindness. Femme to femme kindness.

Dating the ex of a close, sister-heart femme would not even be in my own personal universe of clear boundaries but neither would hurting a non-close acquaintance by flirting in front a recently dumped or in pain femme.

That is just me.

I get that many of you have a different belief or value system.

We certainly do not always agree on the Planet and everyone is entitled to their own opinion, as is our right.

Anya, I think it's great that you shared this and started a discussion about it. But I feel like you put these questions out there, asked for everyone's opinions, and then essentially snubbed your nose at anyone who has a different take on the situation. Your disclaimer that you understand that many of "us" have a different belief or value system sounds judgmental to me.

Your original post included these questions: "What do you feel about this? Is it OK because the couple were broken up? Is there a respectable amount of time that should pass before you, as a femme, flirt with or date a friend's ex in front of another femme sister-even if not you are not close friends? Does it matter? Is it different online vs. real life? Your thoughts? "

I think all of those questions are worthy of asking, but then your responses to those that didn't answer as you would, just seem... judgmental. I don't know any other way of saying it. What was the point of asking the questions? You thanked Tia for "getting it exactly as written." What is it that you think the rest of us didn't "get?"

[always2late]

I don't think that I could ever date a good friend's ex...and I certainly wouldn't flirt with them in front of my friend. I think that for me, personally, it is a matter of respect for my friend's feelings. But I also think it depends on the friend as well...and their feelings for their ex. For example, in my younger years, I hung around with a group of friends and we all had what were basically lust-driven, short-lived dating relationships. In our circle, several people dated each other's exes and it never caused any conflict within the group...because there were no truly deep feelings involved.

[*Anya*]

Wow Queen of Smirks!

I snubbed my nose at no one and clearly said we all have our own opinions and and as usual, many of us disagree.

I DO get that many if you have a different value or belief system. In what universe is that not OK?

Rhetorical question because I don't know if you play devils advocate or what but you do tend to frequently poke at an opinion that you do not agree with.

That feels real judgmental to me!!

In the same way that you are entitled to your opinion:

I am also entitled to mine!!

[QueenofSmirks]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

Wow Queen of Smirks!

I snubbed my nose at no one and clearly said we all have our own opinions and and as usual, many of us disagree.

I DO get that many if you have a different value or belief system. In what universe is that not OK?

Rhetorical question because I don't know if you play devils advocate or what but you do tend to frequently poke at an opinion that you do not agree with.

That feels real judgmental to me!!

In the same way that you are entitled to your opinion:

I am also entitled to mine!!

A universe full of different value and belief systems is fine; I never said otherwise. However, we're not talking about the universe. We're talking about this thread. And if you can't see how your statement might be construed as judgmental, well, there is apparently nothing I can say to help you understand that. So, I'll leave you to *your opinion*.