Loving a Transman Isn't Easy

[DMW]

Originally Posted by Vivacious1

I respect the writer's honesty in her feelings! I understand what she is saying totally. I think it may be easy to get caught up on terminology that to some may be offensive, but to others it is not. I think that being with someone that is transitioning is quite difficult because what is so often not seen is that the couple is transitioning, not just the trans-person. It is a difficult lifestyle for many reasons, one which I believe can be worked out with the right communication etc, but for some it is impossible because the lack of understanding on either side.
This is something that I believe is discussed (probably at length) prior to the person transitioning but it is really reallllllly hard to know what you are really in for until the transition actually takes place. Beyond surgeries,testosterone, social issues etc, there are so many issues and adjustments that are required.

I can totally concur with what this woman has said. I have seen it and lived it. I was successful with my relationship. But, she told me..before i came out to her that she didn't want to be with another transman. And i told her anyway. We met when i was a butch...this is just a quick note. But, i get it. She had been with a transman prior to me and it was really hard on her. She didn't want to go through the same experience.
We parted for reasons other than my being trans. It isn't easy for the women in these relationships. It really isn't. And unless the transman can be open and observe that she is also
going through it....and include her and reach out to her and not be so...self absorbed...she hasn't a chance in hell and neither does the relationship. I mean fortunately, for the two of us...
i was open to her and i shared a shit load. And she was patient and kind and understanding that...sometimes i needed space to read and learn and analyze myself.
But, i have seen some transmen get so self absorbed in their growth and change and the woman
just gets left out. It is sad. So, i feel for you. And, i feel for the other (significant others) that
have to struggle through that ...somewhat alone. I will leave this thread now. Cause i think this
is a special space for some of you. Feel free to send me a note.
Take care and good luck,
DMW

[BrutalDaddy]

Alrighty.

Soon, you said that wasn't what you were getting at. So I made a suggestion. If you want to get all bent out of shape over it, that's on you. Not me.

If I misread your statements in your original post then hey, that one is on me and I apologize for that. However, the attitude coming at me, from you, isn't on me. Good luck to you in your future.

Hope you have a great day/night.

Sorry For Derail Folks,
Brute.

[SelfMadeMan]

Wow. Well, I was only trying to offer support and FYI, I was agreeing that it's very hard on not only our partners, but partners of Butches, and that they have the right to have their feelings and struggles acknowledged. Not sure why I deserved such an acrid response - but best of luck to you. I didn't realize FTM voices weren't welcome here, I see a lot of cross talk in the Trans threads, so I assumed (my mistake) that as long as the posts were supportive, that it was cool. I'll stick to the trans threads. Sorry for the intrusion.

[Vivacious1]

I was reading some of this thread and saw it got a bit dis-railed, but, I would like to contribute my experience. I did have a relationship with a trans-man. When I involved myself, I was a bit naive. I did not understand the numerous issues that were involved. I can say for myself that being in a relationship with him was very difficult. The things that I encountered ranged from dealing with the wide range of emotions (male and female) the feeling of being invisible evern more and the lack of acceptance of my idenity as a lesbian. I did try to make it work but at the end of the day, it was not something I could do. I felt that I could not be me.