Gender Evolution - Your Coming of Age Stories

[Soon]

Originally Posted by Write14u

Well, my mom said to me one time that I'd have more money if I didn't spend it on women. I'm PRETTY sure how she meant it. Yes, without asking, she knows, although I don't think that was the case when I first came out. My partner for six years was very beloved in my family, and I think they actually took it at face value that we were just friends and roommates. However, my mom did NOT like my second girlfriend. Her exact words to me were: "I don't like her. I don't like how she looks at you." (My then-gf looked at me like I was lunch. lol) Yeah, my mom gets it without me saying a word.

My dad? Not so sure. Not anything he'd ever say anyway. He's not that way.
My oldest sister? There's no way in hell she can read my FB every day, watch the different female friends of mine flirt with me, my responses, and not know. But she then ostriches it.
My youngest sister? She totally ostriches it.
They confronted me with it once...just a month or so after I came out. It totally freaked me out and I said no. I don't think they're ever going to ask me again. They know the truth.

No, I'm queer and out. And I think I look very queer. LOL In fact, I think I queer femmes when I'm with them. I look so damn dykey that people assume they are, as well. (Probably goes for my straight girlfriends, as well).
I just meant that being single, I'm not bringing anyone home for dinner, etc. So it makes it easy for them. They get to pretend for a while, you know?

In regards to your last question, no, I don't know about having them pretend (at least for too long) b/c I didn't have that experience of NOT telling b/c I was single--I have had relationships...and, sooner rather than later, I HAD to come out...(the first time, I thought she--my mother--knew).

The parts I underlined I am confused about. You say you came out...but I don't see it. You say "they know the truth" but I don't see where you actually told your family you were gay.

Is being OUT just letting our familes seeing us dress and act in a certain way and bringing our partners over to dinner (for years) w/o actually SAYING we are a couple? Personally, I don't think so. I could have brought my first two gfs over for years and years and my parents would have thought we were just *close* girlfriends.

I think to BE OUT to your family (at the least?) you have to say something like she is my gf or partner--we are a couple?

I don't think having others making assumptions about our appearance is verification of sexual or gender identity--there are many many people who would turn the notion of what a heterosexual or cisgendered person looks like on its head.

Looking queer doesn't mean being OUT is what I guess I am saying...esp. b/c I don't have ummm...any stereotypical *markers* (including past history) where my family may have known I was queer, I HAD to say the words.

[Write14u]

Originally Posted by HowSoonIsNow

In regards to your last question, no, I don't know about having them pretend (at least for too long) b/c I didn't have that experience of NOT telling b/c I was single--I have had relationships...and, sooner rather than later, I HAD to come out...(the first time, I thought she--my mother--knew).

The parts I underlined I am confused about. You say you came out...but I don't see it. You say "they know the truth" but I don't see where you actually told your family you were gay.

Is being OUT just letting our familes seeing us dress and act in a certain way and bringing our partners over to dinner (for years) w/o actually SAYING we are a couple? Personally, I don't think so. I could have brought my first two gfs over for years and years and my parents would have thought we were just *close* girlfriends.

I think to BE OUT to your family (at the least?) you have to say something like she is my gf or partner--we are a couple?

I don't think having others making assumptions about our appearance is verification of sexual or gender identity--there are many many people who would turn the notion of what a heterosexual person looks like on its head.

Looking queer doesn't mean being OUT is what I guess I am saying...esp. b/c I don't have ummm...any stereotypical *markers* (including past history) where my family may have known I was queer, I HAD to say the words.

Sorry, didn't mean to be confusing.
I have never actually said to my family, "Hey, I'm queer, get over it."
My family, however, is aware of it.
No, I don't think being out is about what I wear, etc. I used to keep my orientation quiet...with my first partner and all. Since then, I haven't been in a long-term relationship that required bringing it up to my family.
That's kind of what I mean about them being in pretend mode right now. And what I meant about them not wanting to ask me now. If I have a partner in my life at any time, I will proudly call them my partner and take them around my family.

[Gemme]

My family's the same way as Write's is. Very much DADT and very reserved. I know my dad knows. He picked up the phone one night when I was talking with my gf at the time. Oh, he knows. But he will NOT speak of it. It's not his way. Part of it is him being a Southern Baptist and part of it is just him. He's very limited in how he shows his emotions, if he ever does.

[Write14u]

Originally Posted by Gemme

My family's the same way as Write's is. Very much DADT and very reserved. I know my dad knows. He picked up the phone one night when I was talking with my gf at the time. Oh, he knows. But he will NOT speak of it. It's not his way. Part of it is him being a Southern Baptist and part of it is just him. He's very limited in how he shows his emotions, if he ever does.

Yes, what she said. *grin*