Friends of Bill W.

Hey-up you batty, addictive types of Gotham I needs me some advice/suggestions from folks who're more sensible than I.

I heard recently that a long time acquaintance told mutual friends, who happen to be two of my closest friends, a malicious lie that she's possibly heard as gossip. How else she may come up with it I can't fathom. Apparently I was carried out from a college friends wedding, a couple of months ago, because I was leglessly drunk.

My immediate reaction...I don't really do thoughtful, measured responses...was to confront the two college 'friends' - the bride and maid of honour - to ask why on earth they would even tell this person such a big a fat lie. Context - both college folks know said acquaintance after working together at a local kids theatre group.

However, another college friend - the dude I'd gone to the wedding with and who I went back to the wedding festivities with after a fellowship meeting - suggested I ask the person who gossiped to my close friends, where this came from, because he's convinced that the bride and maid of honour wouldn't be so horrid and I concur. It's hard to believe they would say such a thing. Especially as it is so very far from the truth.

I haven't done anything about it since asking for advice in a meeting...sadly the only advice forthcoming was from the one person I know that could make giving me the benefit of her experience, strength and hope, all about her and how hard life is for her and I was left none the wiser

It's a couple of weeks since I heard that this thing has been said and addict-brain keeps pick at the scab

So, whaddo I do?

Step one tells me I'm powerless; over people places and things. I have no control over what folks think or say about me. It shouldn't matter who said what to who. Step two tells me that by connecting with my HP and asking for direction I stand a much better chance of responding sanely............then I'm in unknown territory, I've only shared the last of step 2 this week.

Addict-brain screams out "...I want to duckin' know why this person holds such a bloody grudge and has done since she 'took sides' with an ex of mine (that she'd met twice) almost 9yrs ago" and why she's always prepared to believe the worst about me. We were actually friends once upon a time until Evil Edna got in the way.

Recovery-brain keeps it simple and says don't sweat the little things. This is so inconsequential. It's not all about me! There are better things to channel the obsession to

Was that a penny dropping? By jove! I think I might have answered myself

Anyhoo, this is the bit where you lot come in with your sage words of experience and advice.

I thank you in advance





ps. After typing all that out I realise just how loony my addict-brain is.

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 17

POPCORN FLAVORED LOLLIPOP


I can’t know it. I can’t believe it. The world of popcorn flavored lollipops is now being visited upon me. Both a surprise and a comfort, a popcorn flavored lollipop is given to me by the gas station attendant. A blast of sugar and salt waken my tongue. What can a mind do in the face of a buttered, salted bonbon on a stick? I wouldn’t have thought of it, not in a million years. This is somehow a source of hope to me. There are open-minded people living in the world around me. I often pray for creative thinking on the part of my Higher Power; I inadvertently dismiss the populace who is producing prodigies of ingenious originality and cunning. I want the world to be gifted with what sobriety has given me. Candy is not world peace but many great things start with a little sweetness.


Real rules can’t be broken.
*



Not My Best Friend

No matter how tightly I hug a lump of coal
I will not prevail in turning it into a diamond.
Some days I accept this better than others.

My desire may affect the coal,
but this affect is not diamond producing;
though it is stress producing.

I know it stresses me and chills me to the bone.
I had thought of coal as warming,
but the disparate love of coal proves to be anything but.

I have pinned my hopes
on what this lump had the potential to become
rather than acceptance of what it is and now.

I see I must light my own fire
and know the coal is not mine.

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by Daktari

Hey-up you batty, addictive types of Gotham I needs me some advice/suggestions from folks who're more sensible than I.

I sure do identify. I have had someone with longer sobriety than mine spreading all kinds of vile accusation about me to my friends. it was shocking and painful. I am in the same place about it as you. Why would anyone lie about me? It seems crazy and the conclusion that I've come to about it is that it is crazy! Hurt people hurt people and I can't stop that. The only thing I can do is not be the one lying about people or hurting folks and the rest is out of my hands. I wish you all the best with this. my advice is surround yourself with good clean and sober individuals. I like to listen to comedy revenge music, it makes me laugh and laughter helps a bunch. Have a good evening my wonderful Brit!

[DMW]

[QUOTE=Daktari;718037][COLOR="DarkRed"]Hey-up you batty, addictive types of Gotham I needs me some advice/suggestions from folks who're more sensible than I.

Hi Daktari, i am coming from a place of assuming that you did not do this
based on what you wrote.

First off...gossip is gossip. we can't control what other people do.
why would we want to? we discover the truth about who people really
are, and how people really act or react, when we let them be themselves.


My job is to not react. And God i do sometimes. I regret when I do that if
I am not kind about it.

Remember the rule in difficult situations...don't say anything, unless it is;
Kind
Necessary
or True?
I remind myself of this(more often) when i am spiritually fit. BLAH

Your true friends are the one's that will not judge and be open and honest...
will come forth with their questions. Or, if it is so troubling to you..which.. i do not fault you one bit. You can go to them and talk to them. Ask them where does this come from and why would someone say this about me if it wasn't true. If there is someone you respect so much and honor the friendship you have with them...personally, i would need to talk to those
people that i respect and care about and value their friendship. I would need to know if they did and why. If it winds up that they lied...that ugh that hurts. Ask them why? And just remember that we don't always perceive people the way that we think we do. Lies are so harmful and generally stem from fear, pain, jealousy and hate.And lies can be forgiven if they were not meant to harm you. You know. Ugh, hard topic.

The other, really, important thing to note is this....
Give that one away..to God or the wind or whatever works for you.
We can't control others and don't need to depend on what they think
of us as more important than what we think of ourselves and know for ourselves and about ourselves to be true. We can only control what
we do. We are our own actors...we do not control or direct the play or the other actors in it.
Thank God.

Step one also tells us that we are powerless over people places and things.

Cheers and hope my response does not offend in anyway.
Gotta Scoot and thanks for asking for advice. It helps me too.

Experience, Strength and Hope

DMW

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 18

WATER PROOF



What could water prove anyway? I get in the water and I get wet. I’m sure there is a theorem but a proof is highly doubtful. Naiads dance with tridents in their hands illustrating the beauty and danger of the waves but this certifies nothing. Juiceless arid dirt can make no claims either. I see the ducks take flight pushing the air with their wings and the rivulets trailing from webs. This is the thing to scoot beneath at the surface, take sustenance and pleasure, but never to become so saturated that the air is lost. Waterproof… is the way to go.


Give preconceived notions a place on the shelf or in the can but no place in your life.
*



Lame

I easily identify the big mistakes of my life,
but fail to recognize or report the little mistakes
that I make, mistakes, which cost me so much.

Repetitive irresponsibility has the effect of water torture;
drip, drip, drip and my peace of mind is worn away.
What can I say of what I refuse to see?

It was there all along like the view covered by the shade.
Who is to blame for not raising the curtain?
It may be me. may not, but I am the one who suffers,
I am the one who misses out.

Missing the opportunity to grow out of these
small deficiencies leaves me with a life long handicap
and I am not just speaking of my blindness,
but also how they make me lame.

Thanks Sherrie and DMW for your replies. I need to digest and have a little think about what you've said. I'll be back later.

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 19

ALMOST TWINS



You and I are more alike than different yet we cannot get along, though I ponder why this surprises me so. A cloud and a watermelon are 98% the same and no one would mistake them in a crowd or expect them to be companionable except in the way of two things existing in the universe. My expectation of liking you for our similarities is set up by my fear that I don’t like myself, but the joke is on me. My dislike of you is not a reflection of anything but time and space. My friends are the people who like me, not necessarily the ones who are like me. The president didn’t like broccoli without slurring its good name and I can dislike you without inferring you’re a vegetable.

Enjoy the approach as well as the work.
*

Scalene


Strangeness is attracting, I don’t try to deny it.
I have looked longingly at oddness
and every skewed thing.

Though I try to divert my gaze the acute angles
draw me back to peer again and again.
Strange attractors have an unexplainable beauty to me.

The wane charisma digs its hooks into my soul
and I carry it off like a burr stuck to my hide.
What does this say of me, I am not sure?

What does it say of the sidelong loves of mine?
Volumes, I think it speaks volumes,
all of it unknown to me.

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 20

COOCOO’S NEST


I ran away to join the zoo hoping a life contained would calm me. The segregation hit me first; isolated exclusively with those of my stripe drove my thirst for diverse scents and opinion. Next, the monotony of the landscape bore into my brain. The well-meaning effort of the keepers bears the mark of folks who go home at night. The blandness of the food and music lent nothing to the experience, and antiseptic could drive anyone wild. The final blow, the one that struck constantly and coldly, was the stream of observers waiting to be entertained.


Embrace plain tools and fine minds.

*

Home Fires Burning

I have trouble living with myself,
that is why I live with you.
It takes my mind off the things I don’t wish to face.

What I can busy myself within your service
lightens the load of expectation heaped in my DNA
by my Higher Power and Fate.

Worry is time consuming
and I wile away hours fretting over you
and all your unresolved trifles
while turning my back entirely on my life.

I couldn’t be happier to have you,
though from the corner of my eye
I glimpse God packing your bags.

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 21

WHAT’S MINE IS MINE


I don’t always know how to get the dog off the baby. The attacks are often sudden and always swift. My shock at the reality delays my response, falters my steps and fogs my mind. What should I do to disengage this assault? What can I do that won’t make things worse? How can I resolve this now? The pain is almost unimaginable but yet all too familiar. It all comes down to ownership. I must admit this baby is me. I have to face facts; this dog is my pet, I have fed, nurtured and groomed him and now I have to put this dog to sleep.


Explore the air not just the dirt.
*


A Thousand Windowed House

I am like a house with a thousand windows.
When I am lit up inside
you can see all the way through;

When I go dark
the reflection of the world around me is all
that is visible when you look my way.

My sprawling mind is what creates this effigy of me.
A tribute when I am well tended
and a fire trap when I neglect my duties.

If I learn to celebrate in all the rooms
this house is my home,
so I must practice; dance and sing in the hallways.

So I can pirouette into the rooms with full voice.
For what is the point of being a house
with a thousand windows, if I don’t live there?

[DMW]

Originally Posted by Daktari

Thanks Sherrie and DMW for your replies. I need to digest and have a little think about what you've said. I'll be back later.

Dude...i love this. And the Bob and Tom show...most of them anyway.

Forget revenge...it isn't necessary. You know..." resentment is like
pissing on myself...i am the only one that gets wet." and stinks afterwords.
And has to live with that stink!
Live and let Live.
Thanks for this post.

Cheers,
DMW

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 22

CHANGE IN MENU



If God is drunk we pray for spiritual sobriety and strong sponsorship. If God is sober we ask for these things on God’s behalf and glory in answered prayer. It is amazing that the rain comes down if I dance for it or not. I can get this wonderful recovery just like the rest of ‘we agnostics’, I don’t have to shake your hand, wink my eye or say some special bit of poetry to have it. Just the same way that weather is and changes and deepens so too is my spiritual condition. It is there as I tread this path. I don’t have to mark the rows in my garden for the plants to grow. I wish for God a salad with two forks, we no longer need to share a bottle.

Dance with your skeletons.

*

Harriet Powers


Like a creature with a long tale
told in a hushed voice.
The whispers tell the story
with inflection and innuendo.

I slink away from the mirror
and the disembodied voices it engenders.
Thirty versions of my past spin away from me
in the eddies of time gone and misremembered.

I gather my fragments and tatters;
I thread my needle
and sit to quilt me into the present.

The odd assortment left from all which has worn out
or been pulled apart fit in a pinwheel pattern
and turn toward a better day.

The night is warmer for now I have it covered,
settled and safe, perhaps now I might even sleep.

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 23

TRUE VOICE


Some tears pour from my eyes and others from my heart. What once was a head-game and theory is now heartfelt and real. I have grown in my compassion, leaving qualification on the curb. Letters and notice mean so little in the full-out scheme of all the world; like fashion, what is true today, stood on and dependable, is next years joke and off-hand reference. The thump of the muscle deep within me is a compass I can trust. The daily tide of splash and rush can spring water to my face, but what rouses my spirit is much more. I needn’t worry for its receding or discount that it is faithful; it abides with me still and will keep me if I let it. Some sounds ring from my voice; others resonate from within, these are the ones that last.


Aim is as important as a strong arm.

*

Entrée Entrée


I am not one to order an appetizer,
I prefer the main meal.
Even if I carry the majority of the entrée home
I like to have it all there before me.

Knowing there is enough, might I want it,
means peace of mind
and I can relax and eat what I wish.
That’s how much I fear.

Fear opening my mouth to ask for more.
Fear not anticipating my actual appetite.
Fear of having nothing to show for my evening out.

What could it all be like
had I felt free of rules and public policy
that must be carried out in private?

I might never know,
but what I do know is
that I need to overcome this.

Not because of starving children near or far,
not to eliminate the science experiments
of mold growth and wilted lettuce in my frig,

But in order that I have a chance to have my desert
and eat it too
and leave the rest unordered.