Long Distance Relationships

[Ginger]

My lover calls what we have a "commuting relationship."

I drive about an hour to spend the night at her house almost every Saturday night. We've only been at this a couple months, since I moved out of her house.

So far, it feels fine to me. Once so far, she has come out to spend the night here, with me, but that can only happen when her sister takes her kid on an overnight. I expect it to happen every couple months.

When we were dating, the six months before I moved in with her, I went out there on a Friday or even Thursday night, and went in to work with her on Monday morning.

Now, I feel too tired on Friday nights, and I need my time on the weekend to do food shopping or laundry or whatever.

I don't feel like it's a hardship at all, to be this far apart. I don't pine or daydream or feel impatient about seeing her. I do feel alone, but it's not about her.

Anyway, I just realized I'm sort of in an LDR, too, and I think it's a good fit for me. I have dinners with friends during the week, or just chill out at home. It's the perfect balance for me.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

My lover calls what we have a "commuting relationship."

I drive about an hour to spend the night at her house almost every Saturday night. We've only been at this a couple months, since I moved out of her house.

So far, it feels fine to me. Once so far, she has come out to spend the night here, with me, but that can only happen when her sister takes her kid on an overnight. I expect it to happen every couple months.

When we were dating, the six months before I moved in with her, I went out there on a Friday or even Thursday night, and went in to work with her on Monday morning.

Now, I feel too tired on Friday nights, and I need my time on the weekend to do food shopping or laundry or whatever.

I don't feel like it's a hardship at all, to be this far apart. I don't pine or daydream or feel impatient about seeing her. I do feel alone, but it's not about her.

Anyway, I just realized I'm sort of in an LDR, too, and I think it's a good fit for me. I have dinners with friends during the week, or just chill out at home. It's the perfect balance for me.

I could easily do this type of LDR. I'm so busy during the week anyhow. I'm dating now and they visit me 3 days a month and longer on holidays. This is because of distance and work. Its 8 hours. If it was only a few hours I'd want to see them every weekend.

[Metro]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

My lover calls what we have a "commuting relationship."

I drive about an hour to spend the night at her house almost every Saturday night.

Many years ago I had a similar arrangement for over a year w/ a GF (now ex) before she moved in w/ me -- it just became too time consuming and costly to maintain two households (and spend time commuting between the two places in an equitable way). While I require ample "me" time, from my own perspective the day-to-day of a local or live-in relationship (and potential for spontaneity and everyday in-person experiences) vastly enriches any relationship. I learned a lot about the shared household dynamic in the years that particular ex and I lived together... Mostly learning that I function best in a relationship when the one I am seriously involved with is nearby so we can resolve differences, relish achievements, or grieve loss face-to-face. Altho I am not completely averse to the idea of a LDR, and have tried a few times to establish one (unsuccessfully), it just may not be the best fit for me. I like the ordinary things like eye contact, holding hands, cuddling, and kissing that having someone nearby affords on a regular basis, too. To each their own.

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by Metro

Many years ago I had a similar arrangement for over a year w/ a GF (now ex) before she moved in w/ me -- it just became too time consuming and costly to maintain two households (and spend time commuting between the two places in an equitable way). While I require ample "me" time, from my own perspective the day-to-day of a local or live-in relationship (and potential for spontaneity and everyday in-person experiences) vastly enriches any relationship. I learned a lot about the shared household dynamic in the years that particular ex and I lived together... Mostly learning that I function best in a relationship when the one I am seriously involved with is nearby so we can resolve differences, relish achievements, or grieve loss face-to-face. Altho I am not completely averse to the idea of a LDR, and have tried a few times to establish one (unsuccessfully), it just may not be the best fit for me. I like the ordinary things like eye contact, holding hands, cuddling, and kissing that having someone nearby affords on a regular basis, too. To each their own.

My situation is unusual in that we lived together for two years, then I moved out, and now we have this "commuting" relationship.

I don't consider her eligible to be my domestic partner for reasons I won't go into, but I love her, and she can be a good girlfriend. There is an asymmetry to the arrangement, in that she's the one with the kid, and has no support except for her generous sister who does what she can. So it's easier for me to go out there, than for her to come to my place. Still, I expect her to make me feel special while I'm out there, and to focus on me. If that wanes, I just won't go. I call the shots now.

[Prudence]

I just visited this site a couple days ago.. I came away with a feeling of sadness. I saw an honest question, picked apart and attacked. I have to say it was done with court room precision. The beautiful art (to some) of leaving someone second guessing their own truths and beliefs. Using a play on words. "love", "in love"---wow.. someone came to this thread, clearly emotional about what was happening to them, and reached out . Be it semantics or confusion , I feel it was wrongfully handled. There is no right or wrong way to fall in love. It is an individual as we all are. I have to wonder whats really going on with the person inside who wants to rip at another. How does this one really feel about him/her self. I see this as insecurity at the most intense level. Sad really.

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by Prudence

I just visited this site a couple days ago.. I came away with a feeling of sadness. I saw an honest question, picked apart and attacked. I have to say it was done with court room precision. The beautiful art (to some) of leaving someone second guessing their own truths and beliefs. Using a play on words. "love", "in love"---wow.. someone came to this thread, clearly emotional about what was happening to them, and reached out . Be it semantics or confusion , I feel it was wrongfully handled. There is no right or wrong way to fall in love. It is an individual as we all are. I have to wonder whats really going on with the person inside who wants to rip at another. How does this one really feel about him/her self. I see this as insecurity at the most intense level. Sad really.

That's so true! (part I bolded)

What I've been hearing is that people have what they consider optimal ways of falling in love, contexts they trust more than others.

It seems to vary.

[Ciaran]

Originally Posted by Prudence

I just visited this site a couple days ago.. I came away with a feeling of sadness. I saw an honest question, picked apart and attacked. I have to say it was done with court room precision. The beautiful art (to some) of leaving someone second guessing their own truths and beliefs. Using a play on words. "love", "in love"---wow.. someone came to this thread, clearly emotional about what was happening to them, and reached out . Be it semantics or confusion , I feel it was wrongfully handled. There is no right or wrong way to fall in love. It is an individual as we all are. I have to wonder whats really going on with the person inside who wants to rip at another. How does this one really feel about him/her self. I see this as insecurity at the most intense level. Sad really.

Your experience reiterated above sounds very nasty and hostile. In which thread did you see this attack because I certainly cannot see it here?

Are we meant to be dishonest in how we interact so that we sugar-coat? If so, I certainly won't be involved in such pretense.

If someone asks a question, if I give an answer, it will be an honest one. No ripping apart but don't ask a question if you might not like the answer provided.