Infidelity

[Gemme]

The problem with cheating is that the deception and secrecy and lies that come hand in hand with it create a rift. It separates the couple as well as affecting future relationships associated with the person who was cheated on. Not entirely unlike an STD or a virus, it keeps giving itself over and over, with every new partner the cheated on person has a relationship with. It grows and festers and creates a deep-seated distrust of any and all partners, because of the actions of one person. One person's tainted seed ruins all future gardens.

Or maybe it's just me.

[Random]

Originally Posted by Gemme

The problem with cheating is that the deception and secrecy and lies that come hand in hand with it create a rift. It separates the couple as well as affecting future relationships associated with the person who was cheated on. Not entirely unlike an STD or a virus, it keeps giving itself over and over, with every new partner the cheated on person has a relationship with. It grows and festers and creates a deep-seated distrust of any and all partners, because of the actions of one person. One person's tainted seed ruins all future gardens.

Or maybe it's just me.

For me.. you hit it on the nail... It's the dishonesty, the lies.. It effects not only the pair bonding but your trust in yourself... How did I not see that this person was capible of this? How did I not see the signs.. Then there is the ever famous... *I know that xxxx loved me beyond words, I know that is true.. I would have bet my life that they would never lie to me.. Never willingly hurt me... If they could do this to me, being who they are, then how can I trust anyone ever to be honest with me again? How can I belive in a world where the only truth was a lie?*

It shifts your world view and changes who you are...

I know for me... It wasn't all bad.. It made me grow up and see the world as it is.. It made me aware, made me self reliant.. it turned me into someone who is mistress of her own house, her own heart... Lol.. It turned the princess into a Queen...

[Deborah]

DEAL BREAKER for me...no I'm sorry, no lets try again, no no no no....and that is the first thing I tell anyone that I am going into a relationship with. If your attention is drawn away from me to someone else - I say 'if they can get you they can have you' because you aren't the person I want...end of story....next!

[Apocalipstic]

I think if you know you can't stick to one person (and you do know that) decide to be Polyamorous or have an open relationship.

Lies and secrets suck!

I don't have the nerves for more than one woman. The very thought gives me a headache!

[Apocalipstic]

Oh......

And,

If someone cheats on their partner with you, what makes you think they won't cheat on you later?

DUH.

[Random]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Oh......

And,

If someone cheats on their partner with you, what makes you think they won't cheat on you later?

DUH.

I don't think this is always the case..

If someone is a serial cheater, then that is one thing... But I think at times, people just don't know how to remove themselves from relationships.. You know the entire.. *I don't want to hurt her* but the silly thing is.. It's going to hurt either way... In my mind.. do it quickly, do it bluntly, do it clean...

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Random

I don't think this is always the case..

If someone is a serial cheater, then that is one thing... But I think at times, people just don't know how to remove themselves from relationships.. You know the entire.. *I don't want to hurt her* but the silly thing is.. It's going to hurt either way... In my mind.. do it quickly, do it bluntly, do it clean...

Agreed. I did have a partner who cheated on me and one who was already moving on before we broken up. That said, I believe that they are faithful to the partners they are with now and are happier. I had tried to resolve things with a partner who had cheated on me but I've found once it's done, it's hard to trust again. It is certainly my own issue (I'll admit to lingering trust and abandonment issues) but it's an issue nonetheless.

I find it frustrating in that if the person had spoken to me about whatever had caused them to stray we could have either resolved together to separate amicably or entered into a poly relationship (if all parties were inclined and opened for that).

Today, if it is happens, the existing relationship will be over and I'll be moving on. Given my previous experience and knowing myself I know it'll be better in the long run.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Random

I don't think this is always the case..

If someone is a serial cheater, then that is one thing... But I think at times, people just don't know how to remove themselves from relationships.. You know the entire.. *I don't want to hurt her* but the silly thing is.. It's going to hurt either way... In my mind.. do it quickly, do it bluntly, do it clean...

In My experience when I have dated someone who cheated to be with Me, eventually they cheated on Me.

I agree, if you are over your relationship, grow a set and break up respectfully.

[Soft*Silver]

Originally Posted by Random

I don't think this is always the case..

If someone is a serial cheater, then that is one thing... But I think at times, people just don't know how to remove themselves from relationships.. You know the entire.. *I don't want to hurt her* but the silly thing is.. It's going to hurt either way... In my mind.. do it quickly, do it bluntly, do it clean...

My cheater told me this (see in red). What he REALLY meant, was he didnt want to hurt himself. He didnt want to go thru the parade of emotions that HIS behavior was going to cause me. He knew I would be hurt and did it anyway (cheated) so MY being hurt wasnt the real issue. What was the real issue was he wanted not to feel the consequences of his deliberate, conscious act of infidelity. Again, being unfaithful is an act of a coward.