Single FTM's & Femme's

[MickMan]

Hi everyone,

Been a while since I have been on and thought I would drop in to see how everyone is.

Life is good. Busy with school. This term marks the beginning of my dissertation and it is CRAZY!! But, exciting nonetheless.

Still single. Although, I have been talking with a woman here locally, however, nothing can come of it as she is unaware of my trans-status. She is from Thailand and absolutely wonderful. But, I am trying to find a way to explain to her I cannot get involved without outing myself and without ruining the friendship we have built. It all started out very innocent with me taking my mother to the restaurant that her brother owns. She was our waitress and she began talking with me and next thing you know, she is teaching me Thai and I am teaching her English. It finally occurred to me the other day when she introduced me to her brother, that she may have intentions beyond what I am able to take part in. She is wonderful, kind, caring and just so funny. And if she knew of my being trans, I would not be having this issue. I am not so sure I want to risk the friendship by outing myself. Not to mention my mother loves her and loves going to the restaurant. I need to either out myself and be prepared to never go there again or find a way to stop the progression before this woman becomes too attached. This really sucks!

Would love to hear from other as to solutions. This all happened so quickly that I did not have time to think about what was happening and perhaps I am guilty of flirting and leading her on a bit. I really try not to do that with those unaware. But, a good friend of mine told me that because of my good nature and kindness, I have a tendency to send out unintentional messages. Her words, not mine. Perhaps that is what has happened here.

Thought?

[curlyredhead]

Originally Posted by MickMan

Hi everyone,

Been a while since I have been on and thought I would drop in to see how everyone is.

Life is good. Busy with school. This term marks the beginning of my dissertation and it is CRAZY!! But, exciting nonetheless.

Still single. Although, I have been talking with a woman here locally, however, nothing can come of it as she is unaware of my trans-status. She is from Thailand and absolutely wonderful. But, I am trying to find a way to explain to her I cannot get involved without outing myself and without ruining the friendship we have built. It all started out very innocent with me taking my mother to the restaurant that her brother owns. She was our waitress and she began talking with me and next thing you know, she is teaching me Thai and I am teaching her English. It finally occurred to me the other day when she introduced me to her brother, that she may have intentions beyond what I am able to take part in. She is wonderful, kind, caring and just so funny. And if she knew of my being trans, I would not be having this issue. I am not so sure I want to risk the friendship by outing myself. Not to mention my mother loves her and loves going to the restaurant. I need to either out myself and be prepared to never go there again or find a way to stop the progression before this woman becomes too attached. This really sucks!

Would love to hear from other as to solutions. This all happened so quickly that I did not have time to think about what was happening and perhaps I am guilty of flirting and leading her on a bit. I really try not to do that with those unaware. But, a good friend of mine told me that because of my good nature and kindness, I have a tendency to send out unintentional messages. Her words, not mine. Perhaps that is what has happened here.

Thought?

Mick this is complicated. I think you need to first figure out with what you are comfortable with before you make a decision to come out. I think the biggest question is are you interested in this lady? Because if you are then you aren't leading her on. Once you have determined what your thoughts are on that you need to find out if she has the same feelings towards you as well. If she has the same feelings about you and you do towards her, that's when you need to talk to her personally, and dude trust me if she really really likes you the trans part isn't going to matter one bit. I think that you need to educate her a little too when you do come out, because you do want to be able to eat at this restaurant again and not feel ostracized. Just my 2 cents.

[MickMan]

Originally Posted by curlyredhead

Mick this is complicated. I think you need to first figure out with what you are comfortable with before you make a decision to come out. I think the biggest question is are you interested in this lady? Because if you are then you aren't leading her on. Once you have determined what your thoughts are on that you need to find out if she has the same feelings towards you as well. If she has the same feelings about you and you do towards her, that's when you need to talk to her personally, and dude trust me if she really really likes you the trans part isn't going to matter one bit. I think that you need to educate her a little too when you do come out, because you do want to be able to eat at this restaurant again and not feel ostracized. Just my 2 cents.

Hey Curly and thanks,

Yeah, I really do like this woman. She will text me, in broken English, and I find it so touching that she will make the effort to communicate with me in this manner. I find myself thinking about her and smiling.

It is very touchy and I am usually so careful about how I interact with people, women in particular, for this reason. But, this happened so quickly and out of the blue. It was something before I realized it. Now, I should also say that we have not gone out, or had any physical contact other than a hug here and there inside the restaurant where her brother was present.

I know she is very interested in me as her nephew told me that she has never introduced a man to her brother before. Again, she is from Thailand and has only been here for a short time. Even though she is older, like me, I am getting that the brother still is in charge of her well being.

I have done research about Kathoey in Thailand, and they are well received, for the most part. But there is nothing about the Kathoey counterpart, FTMs. I am really nervous about talking to her also because her English and my Thai are not that fluent. I am not sure I can convey everything I need to or want to. We often have the nephew translate for us or the sister in-law. But this is not something I would feel comfortable having a third person translate.

And yes, I agree. I do not want to be ostracized at this place. My mother, for whom I care and I both love this place. I would hate to not only lose this woman, the friendship and the restaurant all in one conversation.

[curlyredhead]

Originally Posted by MickMan

Hey Curly and thanks,

Yeah, I really do like this woman. She will text me, in broken English, and I find it so touching that she will make the effort to communicate with me in this manner. I find myself thinking about her and smiling.

It is very touchy and I am usually so careful about how I interact with people, women in particular, for this reason. But, this happened so quickly and out of the blue. It was something before I realized it. Now, I should also say that we have not gone out, or had any physical contact other than a hug here and there inside the restaurant where her brother was present.

I know she is very interested in me as her nephew told me that she has never introduced a man to her brother before. Again, she is from Thailand and has only been here for a short time. Even though she is older, like me, I am getting that the brother still is in charge of her well being.

I have done research about Kathoey in Thailand, and they are well received, for the most part. But there is nothing about the Kathoey counterpart, FTMs. I am really nervous about talking to her also because her English and my Thai are not that fluent. I am not sure I can convey everything I need to or want to. We often have the nephew translate for us or the sister in-law. But this is not something I would feel comfortable having a third person translate.

And yes, I agree. I do not want to be ostracized at this place. My mother, for whom I care and I both love this place. I would hate to not only lose this woman, the friendship and the restaurant all in one conversation.

Just a suggestion I wonder if you could find some translation online for the words you are looking for, or even something else is if you are on a group that deals with Trans, perhaps you could find someone that speaks Thai and could tell you how to translate it. Its obvious you both have a connection. Just breathe man take it 1 day at a time.

[MickMan]

Originally Posted by curlyredhead

Just a suggestion I wonder if you could find some translation online for the words you are looking for, or even something else is if you are on a group that deals with Trans, perhaps you could find someone that speaks Thai and could tell you how to translate it. Its obvious you both have a connection. Just breathe man take it 1 day at a time.

Yeah, that's the hard part, breathing LOL Sad thing, I am not really on any trans sites. I think I just need to maybe back off a bit and slow this down. Give me time to think.

[Trev]

Mick...Curly has given some great words of advice, I will ditto that.

Unique...Enjoy your mini vacation

It's getting closer to the weekend.....YESSS!! Now if it would just warm up.

[EmpressM]

Hello, Singles! How is everyone on this pre-Friday? Personally, I'm really looking forward to the weekend! I'm going to get my homework finished and then a couple o friends of mine and I are taking a belly dancing class on Saturday. What's everyone else up to?

Mick - sounds like you have some big decisions to make. I don't envy you in the least. Good luck to you. Matters of the heart are never uncomplicated.