Infidelity

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by I'mOneToo

Maybe I can rephrase or add to my comment and say, it requires a *specific* type of negotiation and openness. For all involved parties to be agreeable, it's negotiation x (however many) and some say, "the more the merrier" and other say, "sheesh I can't even keep up with one." It goes without saying for me, that without openness and communication, it's gonna fail. But when I fail, it's because I look the other way when I know goddamned well what's going on. That's my biggest failure. It's not consensual, it's not discussed, and it ends up festering. And what's my part in that? It's a weakness because I just let it beat me down until I give up. Instead of it being a love that lifts me up, it's a drain that saps my energy. Then I become less willing to lift the other in love, because I'm feeling cheated. It's a vicious circle.

*I* still do not feel like poly has or is a *specific* way of living, it's not like they have different rules, or guidelines.. What happens with good poly is what should happen in ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL relationship spectrums...


HONESTY


I mean really should we not be expecting that each time we start any relationship regardless of what it is??

I do....

[I'mOneToo]

I'm not disagreeing with you, maybe I'm not communicating it well. Because for me openness and communication are equivalent to honesty. What I tried to say is that in a poly situation, it is multiplied. that is the specificity (sp?) that I am referring to. Some people struggle with the keeping up with life, keeping up with people, just keeping up in general... not saying that a relationship should be allowed some slack, like "oh this is just my relationship, i can coast here". if you coast, that is when it slips away from you... ALL relationships can. sorry i'm not doing very well. when i write a post like the first one i did in here, it took an hour because i have to re-read the shit out of it so if it makes sense... writing this way without editing, it's like extemporaneous speaking for some. i will be smarter if i quit while i'm ahead!

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

*I* still do not feel like poly has or is a *specific* way of living, it's not like they have different rules, or guidelines.. What happens with good poly is what should happen in ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL relationship spectrums...


HONESTY


I mean really should we not be expecting that each time we start any relationship regardless of what it is??

I do....

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by I'mOneToo

I'm not disagreeing with you, maybe I'm not communicating it well. Because for me openness and communication are equivalent to honesty. What I tried to say is that in a poly situation, it is multiplied. that is the specificity (sp?) that I am referring to. Some people struggle with the keeping up with life, keeping up with people, just keeping up in general... not saying that a relationship should be allowed some slack, like "oh this is just my relationship, i can coast here". if you coast, that is when it slips away from you... ALL relationships can. sorry i'm not doing very well. when i write a post like the first one i did in here, it took an hour because i have to re-read the shit out of it so if it makes sense... writing this way without editing, it's like extemporaneous speaking for some. i will be smarter if i quit while i'm ahead!

How is it mulitplied??

I mean yes there are more than one person, but the same rules apply...
I am still not understanding how poly is different than any other, what I see here is for *you* poly has to much to keep up with, what I experience is no different you are open, honest, you communicate etc just like I do with say..

Superfemme my expectations with her or say Day are no different, I expect and have been clear about how it's gonna roll, and that is the same way as I described above..

So if we can handle all kinds of relationships with these kinds of expectations, why not the same with monogamy? or poly amory?

See what I am sayin?

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

How is it mulitplied??

I mean yes there are more than one person, but the same rules apply...
I am still not understanding how poly is different than any other, what I see here is for *you* poly has to much to keep up with, what I experience is no different you are open, honest, you communicate etc just like I do with say..

Superfemme my expectations with her or say Day are no different, I expect and have been clear about how it's gonna roll, and that is the same way as I described above..

So if we can handle all kinds of relationships with these kinds of expectations, why not the same with monogamy? or poly amory?

See what I am sayin?

Amen Ms.

[I'mOneToo]

yes the same rules apply. but if a casual acquaintance of mine or even a close friend isn't truthful with me, the impact isn't as high as if it was someone who is in a sexual relationship with me. if a person i'm having a sexual relationship isn't honest with me (or all of us, if there's a poly situation) it impacts everyone and can have negative consequences that would not apply if it was someone i wasn't fucking. so it's not that the expectation of honesty is higher, but the consequences can be greater when honesty doesn't exist.

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

How is it mulitplied??

I mean yes there are more than one person, but the same rules apply...
I am still not understanding how poly is different than any other, what I see here is for *you* poly has to much to keep up with, what I experience is no different you are open, honest, you communicate etc just like I do with say..

Superfemme my expectations with her or say Day are no different, I expect and have been clear about how it's gonna roll, and that is the same way as I described above..

So if we can handle all kinds of relationships with these kinds of expectations, why not the same with monogamy? or poly amory?

See what I am sayin?

[Soft*Silver]

whether it is monogomy, poly, vanilla or leather, they all fall under the umbrella of relationships and all relationships need huge amounts of communication for them to properly work and not become dysfunctional.

When i am in gear to consider a relationship with someone, I teasingly bring up and joke about my "contract"...as we talk, if something pops up in our conversation that is distinct enough for me to know it matters and will matter even more if we keep going, I lay claim to putting it in the "contract".Now, there has not been an actual drafted contract, but you can ask anyone i have dated if I didnt do this. It gives them at least a visual that we arent sliding on past some important things.

communication...I agree with Lady Snow...is important in any kind of relationship....they are all as simple and as complex as you need make them..