New sex partner=new toys? Your opinion

[macele]

it's not a right or wrong issue. as for me personally, i don't put a lot of emphasis on toys. and i'm not one that has a connection, feels that the toy is a part of me. i am not going to use a toy that someone else has used. i certainly don't mind buying new, if that's what is wanted. none, ... may be wanted.

certainly no judging on my part. to each their own.

[Rockinonahigh]

I have a full equiped toy bag,I don't consider anything in it part of me but do injoy the event when it happends.I bought high quality toys but I will accomadate the lady in question(whom ever she may be) with something she requires of her own or something new...it is a personal choice for her cauase I don't care either way.This being said I don't do one hight stands,so to buy something new I would need to be pretty shure of a relationship and not a fling.

[always2late]

I don't have a preference one way or the other. If my partner wants to buy new toys, fine...if not, also fine. As long as said toys have been properly cleaned, I don't have a problem with it. Quality toys can be rather expensive, and I don't have any issues or dwell on the fact that they may have been used before me (I'm not a blushing virgin and, so far, none of my partners have been either). I can't swap out my vagina, hands, or mouth...so I have no expectation that someone who may have a connection with their "toys" should change them for me.

[Toughy]

If the cock(s) in my bag do not work for her.........I am happy to use one she provides. I can 'own' any cock I strap on. I use condoms with my cocks and wash the little (smirk) devils with soap and water after each use. Dishwashers also work well.

I look at this from a kink kind of perspective. Most subs/bottoms I know, who play hard, have their own set of canes, whips, chains, etc.........anything that could get contaminated with blood/body fluids and cannot be sterilized belongs to her. If I bloody up one of my own implements on her..........she gets to take that one home with her for keeps.

[DapperButch]

I have been with partners who have wanted me to get a new cock. Not all partners, but some.

I resolved the issue by purchasing the exact same cock more than once. This way I still have that same cock that is a part of me, but she can be comfortable. Is this expensive? Yes, indeed.

This has been much less of an issue in recent years. I also don't think that I would be willing to do it again. I'm not even sure why, I just wouldn't.

[TheMerryFairy]

I have a question for you all . It is a little off topic but not far off. Have any of you ever been asked by a sexual partner to use gloves or oral dams? What did you do? Did you use them because the other person would feel more comfortable or did you try to find another way to be safe?

I have never been asked but a few friends of mine have and they all seemed to act offended at the remark. I personally wouldn't think it would be an insult but I was curious to see what everybody else thought.

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by TheMerryFairy

I have a question for you all . It is a little off topic but not far off. Have any of you ever been asked by a sexual partner to use gloves or oral dams? What did you do? Did you use them because the other person would feel more comfortable or did you try to find another way to be safe?

I have never been asked but a few friends of mine have and they all seemed to act offended at the remark. I personally wouldn't think it would be an insult but I was curious to see what everybody else thought.

I'm coming from the other side. I'm the one who does the asking, or I should say insisting, because unsafe sex is a hard limit for me. When I've found myself dating someone who doesn't share my commitment to safer sex, I absolutely insist on it, and they realise pretty quickly that there's no compromising my hard limit. They must use gloves and condoms if they want to play. Period. I do not prefer dental dams. Saran wrap works better.

I've been surprised at how many women don't insist on playing safely. HIV isn't particularly easy to transmit, but Hep C certainly is, and I know more than enough people in my community who are affected. I don't care at all whether or not anyone finds it insulting. I would find it insulting if someone I was dating couldn't respect my hard limit.

Once I've been dating a person for awhile we may trust each other enough to become fluid bonded. We then get tested, after which we can have sex without gloves and saran wrap, assuming the tests turn out well. If either of us were to play outside the fluid bonded relationship, it would have to be 100% safer sex.

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by TheMerryFairy

I have a question for you all . It is a little off topic but not far off. Have any of you ever been asked by a sexual partner to use gloves or oral dams? What did you do? Did you use them because the other person would feel more comfortable or did you try to find another way to be safe?

I have never been asked but a few friends of mine have and they all seemed to act offended at the remark. I personally wouldn't think it would be an insult but I was curious to see what everybody else thought.

My answer to this is getting tested before sex, tested regularly when I get a PAP, and a waiting period before sex. This is the grown-up me answer. The 20-something me had unsafe/unprotected sex. I will not do this again. I do not like things that impede sensation, so I don't like gloves or dams. I would honestly prefer to wait than to use them and have sex sooner.

How can you be offended by someone valuing their own life (and yours indirectly) enough to demand safe sexual practices!? To me *that* is sexy.

[Ascot]

Neither have I been asked to buy new toys nor have I ever offered. What with the way things can be cleaned and sterilized, I have never felt the need. I like what always2late had to say about not being able to swap out her parts, so why put that expectation on a lover just because it's possible? Too, I sometimes like to erotically incorporate condoms. You know...hooker/client, priest/confesser etc.

[TheMerryFairy]

Originally Posted by meridiantoo

My answer to this is getting tested before sex, tested regularly when I get a PAP, and a waiting period before sex. This is the grown-up me answer. The 20-something me had unsafe/unprotected sex. I will not do this again. I do not like things that impede sensation, so I don't like gloves or dams. I would honestly prefer to wait than to use them and have sex sooner.

How can you be offended by someone valuing their own life (and yours indirectly) enough to demand safe sexual practices!? To me *that* is sexy.

Me too.

I get tested regularly and I am always using protection unless my own toys are being used on me and even then I have to have things my way LOL

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by Daktari

Crikey there's some big expectations here.

I can't get with this "my chap has class (and by inference loves (her) more) he treated me to a new cock" business. It's nothing to do with 'class' or 'respect'.

What about some respect coming the other way? Most of us, the majority I would wager, are not 'unclean' and many fastidious about our sexual practice/cleanliness. I have an advantage over a bio bloke in that I can bleach my cock thanks ever so much.

If you don't trust the dood/dyke/et al don't shag 'em. Simples!

I had to think about my response to this a bit before I posted. This is likely not going to be warmly received and, for that reason, I hesitated to say it. This is not just in response to Daktari, but a general tossing out of a perspective. Here goes:

It's not just about trusting your partner; safe sex is about everyone your sexual partner has exchanged fluids with, since birth. Who here has not slept with 1 or 2 (no raising of hands necessary) people that you at some point realized 'that may not have been a good idea' considering their habits/past/previous partners/etc? If this doesn't include you, you are rare and I commend you for that.

As far as equipment/toys, yes, it's a respect issue on one hand. But, I don't see how it's not respectful for both people. It's mutually excluding yourself, as best you can, to that partner. I personally have no issues with sharing the expenses. But, at the same time, respect was given when she had sex with you, right? And respect is not always shown the exact same way at the exact same time to the other person.

I understand being mentally and physically connected to cock. I get that. But, what I don't understand is, if your current partner said you are too big, wide, short, small, whatever, would you not get a new one? Or would you say, this is me - take it or leave it?

I know the new bed comment is a bit extreme. I meant it (mostly) in jest. If I marry, yeah, I want my very own bed. I have in the past, purchased a new bed after having sex with a questionable partner for my mental heath as much as anything else. I would do it again when and if I could.

[The_Lady_Snow]

The OP did not reference anything about cock shopping due to one being uncomfortable or to accommodate body shape etc.

The OP referenced respect boundaries and hygiene so therefor new toys are needed for a new partner.

That's why I personally didn't approach the it's not my fit subject. I figured that's pretty elementary if you're in a long term relationship or thinking of entering any kind of liaison that involves penetration unless of course you just met at the library and there wasn't enough time.

Originally Posted by meridiantoo

I am having a debate with a butch friend of mine and we wanted to enlist the opinions of others to see what is the norm and what reasoning people have behind their opinion...

If you have a new sex partner, does that require new toys also? Is that just a preference or a requirement? Does it include all toys or just the most intimate ones? And why do you hold your opinion?

I will start with my view on this. I am not comfortable having sex with someone who is using any toys from previous lovers. This is not a territorial thing for me, it's a matter of respect and boundaries and practicing good hygiene. I can't deny a twinge of jealousy or some feeling with the idea that a toy we are using was also used with another woman, but mostly it's about my partner and her perspective on respect and boundaries, not so much about the ex lover.

Thanks for sharing!

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

The OP did not reference anything about cock shopping due to one being uncomfortable or to accommodate body shape etc.

The OP referenced respect boundaries and hygiene so therefor new toys are needed for a new partner.

That's why I personally didn't approach the it's not my fit subject. I figured that's pretty elementary if you're in a long term relationship or thinking of entering any kind of liaison that involves penetration unless of course you just met at the library and there wasn't enough time.

Yes, my answer varied a bit from the original question. I was thinking of all the different things mentioned as I was responding. The thread in general has taken a few twists and turns, which is good, I think. I did not mean to veer too far off the original topic, however. My apologies.

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by meridiantoo

My answer to this is getting tested before sex, tested regularly when I get a PAP, and a waiting period before sex. This is the grown-up me answer. The 20-something me had unsafe/unprotected sex. I will not do this again. I do not like things that impede sensation, so I don't like gloves or dams. I would honestly prefer to wait than to use them and have sex sooner.

How can you be offended by someone valuing their own life (and yours indirectly) enough to demand safe sexual practices!? To me *that* is sexy.

A simple reminder about any antibody testing.....HIV/Hep/Herpes/_____

The test only tells you your status on the day the blood/saliva was drawn. It takes 3-6 months (it can take shorter or longer though not commonly) to develop antibodies to any antigen (virus in this case). So.......do the math.

To truly say you are HIV or _____ negative you need a minimum of 2 tests and to be damn sure you need 3 tests. You also have to completely trust someone has not exchanged body fluids with another person anytime after the baseline test is drawn. The baseline test is today, the 2nd test is 6 months later and a 3rd test is one year from the baseline. Some folks say you are fine if baseline is neg, another test at 3 months and another at 6 months.

Direct antigen testing is available....meaning you can test for the virus itself (not the antibody). The test is called a PCR and it is used to follow viral load in HIV/HepC folks to monitor treatment. Insurance will probably not pay for it to find out if you are HIV/Hep C positive and it's not cheap when you pay cash. Doctors will just tell you to get the antibody test.

[Martina]

Some of this just feels like people being squeamish about sex and the body. Some people are. Even some sex-positive people. We all require clean toys, but I never give any thought to the number of bodies a cock might have had contact with as long as it is clean and covered by a condom.

Re gloves and other barriers. Yes, I use gloves. I also use saran wrap although, honestly, I rarely go down on someone I am not fluid bonded with.

Again, while I am not squeamish, I respect that some people are, and I do not think it necessarily means anything about their body or sex positivity. But I do think invoking the idea of respect is negative and judgmental. I am not sure what fantasy it's feeding. Mentally denying that one's partner has had sex with others seems like hard work to me. Plus I like to hear about their fun times.

[Toughy]

Oh........I'm with Cheryl about gloves, condoms, and saran wrap......I don't have sex without those things. If you are not willing then we may as well go bowling.....

Fluid bonding is a precious trust thing and I have only done it twice in my life. The first time it was a poly relationship (lasted 16 yrs) and the second time it was a sexually monogamous relationship, but poly when it came to kink.

I have been practicing safer sex since like 1988.........

[JustBeingMe]

I am a butch and when I am in a serious enough relationship with a femme and we're going to enter into the realm of having a sexual encounter in this relationship, I don't bring old toys with me, I have left my old toys with my ex's because it was toys we used on my ex. I prefer to purchase new toys that my new partner and I pick out for her. It's not about anything but being respectful to the person I am going to be intimate with. This is something I choose to do. And you may agree or disagree, but it's my decision to not bring the old into a new relationship.
I highly reccommend using condoms as well, because if you share your toys with one another in usage, it prevents HPV possibly being passed to your partner that can cause issues for her. It's just a safety thing for me.
Anyway, if my partner already has some particular toys she wishes to use, I will discuss with her how they were cleaned, etc and then together make a comfortable decision with both parties involved about the usage of said toys in our relationship. I know toys are expensive at times depending on what you purchase, etc. But safety for me is a huge factor, and so is respecting my new partner and providing her with her own new toys to use.

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by Martina

Some of this just feels like people being squeamish about sex and the body. Some people are. Even some sex-positive people. We all require clean toys, but I never give any thought to the number of bodies a cock might have had contact with as long as it is clean and covered by a condom.

Re gloves and other barriers. Yes, I use gloves. I also use saran wrap although, honestly, I rarely go down on someone I am not fluid bonded with.

Again, while I am not squeamish, I respect that some people are, and I do not think it necessarily means anything about their body or sex positivity. But I do think invoking the idea of respect is negative and judgmental. I am not sure what fantasy it's feeding. Mentally denying that one's partner has had sex with others seems like hard work to me. Plus I like to hear about their fun times.

I'm a germaphobe (from the Urban Dictionary: Germaphobe - 1) Someone who has a genuine phobia of germs and is obsessed with cleanliness)

[pinkgeek]

Toughy speaks the truth. The current window periods as set by CDC are as follows: HIV - 3 months, HepC - 6 months BUT, both HIV and HepC can and more often than not show up before 3 or 6 months. HepB has to be tested for by blood test.

The current rapid HIV tests at most DOH funded agencies are actually more sensitive than the Western Blot we use to confirm a positive in agency HIV test.

The reason most agencies will not give you an HIV negative "certificate" is that we can only honestly say you are HIV negative for the 20 minutes you spend in our office. If you walk out the door and have sex 45 minutes later...or you lied about your last potential exposure....the test is not an accurate representation of status....If you find a tester willing to risk their state issued tester number by giving you a piece of paper that says you are negative, be very very wary.

If you are tested by blood draw on a Dr. order the lab or your Dr. might give you confirmation letter of some kind, but again - if someone shows it to you use your head and do the math.

More food for thought.

Originally Posted by Toughy

A simple reminder about any antibody testing.....HIV/Hep/Herpes/_____

The test only tells you your status on the day the blood/saliva was drawn. It takes 3-6 months (it can take shorter or longer though not commonly) to develop antibodies to any antigen (virus in this case). So.......do the math.

To truly say you are HIV or _____ negative you need a minimum of 2 tests and to be damn sure you need 3 tests. You also have to completely trust someone has not exchanged body fluids with another person anytime after the baseline test is drawn. The baseline test is today, the 2nd test is 6 months later and a 3rd test is one year from the baseline. Some folks say you are fine if baseline is neg, another test at 3 months and another at 6 months.

Direct antigen testing is available....meaning you can test for the virus itself (not the antibody). The test is called a PCR and it is used to follow viral load in HIV/HepC folks to monitor treatment. Insurance will probably not pay for it to find out if you are HIV/Hep C positive and it's not cheap when you pay cash. Doctors will just tell you to get the antibody test.

[Martina]

Originally Posted by JustBeingMe

so is respecting my new partner and providing her with her own new toys to use.

Again, I don't get this and feel it is judgmental. Why bring this in at all in this context?