New sex partner=new toys? Your opinion

[Hollylane]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

It's puzzling to me because in this particular community a lot of relationships are long distance so how do you really know that the toys just newly purchased aren't having sexy times with others? Do you take the toys with you so that it doesn't happen?

Gaige's cock didn't make it to the airport after her last visit, and I know she will be appalled when I tell all of you, that the lovely fellow has indeed been having "sexy time" with a local temptress...Me. Heh.

I'd feel a little bad about it, but I know she knows/fantasizes about it, and it not-so-secretly turns her on.

[Gaige]

Originally Posted by Hollylane

Gaige's cock didn't make it to the airport after her last visit, and I know she will be appalled when I tell all of you, that the lovely fellow has indeed been having "sexy time" with a local temptress...Me. Heh.

I'd feel a little bad about it, but I know she knows/fantasizes about it, and it not-so-secretly turns her on.

..........

[CherylNYC]

Wow. There are some very serious negative judgements being thrown around every time anyone writes that buying a new cock for a new relationship is about 'respect'. As Daktari wrote, the opposite of respect is disrespect.

It's good for me to read that clearly here because those of you who judge me and see my behaviour as somehow disrespectful will never get anywhere NEAR my bedroom.

[macele]

there's nothing wrong with wanting new sex toys. if it turns a person off to use toys that others have used, ... and they do use them anyway, ... now that is indeed wrong.


as far as germs, we all have them. no way to totally be germ free. for me, not using a toy that someone else has used has nothing to do with germs. it is a turn off, my reason.

i know that a toothbrush and underwear don't compare to the price of sex toys. but i'm not using someone elses personal items. i don't care what kind of personal items.

definitely turns me off.

[always2late]

I think that perhaps one of the problems here is that we all have different definitions of what "toys" are. To clarify my feelings on this matter....toys can be replaced, organs can not (and if you are wondering if I think that a cock that a person strongly identifies with, a cock that is theirs, is an organ...yes, I do). And, just for the record, I think that asking, or expecting, someone to replace a part of themselves is the very OPPOSITE of respect! I use condoms, and my partners have all been scrupulously clean when it comes to their cocks AND their toys. However, if your partner has no issue with replacing either, and you desire a replacement...then have at it!

[Jess]

I used to have a rule... Girl cleans the toys. Not only was it part of the ritual, it was my way of assuring the toys were cleaned to her satisfaction. After all, if they are going inside her then she sets the standard of cleanliness when she cleans them , ( I am stone so it doesn't happen that way, though I know some butches/ ftm's also enjoy penetration, so that wasn't an assumptive statement, simply my history) ... My cock, I clean.

[Toughy]

First: One night stands are NOT dangerous. Practice safer sex and you are just fine. Serial monogamy without safer sex is far more dangerous.

Second: Yikes!! This is in the Femme Forum..........I never look.

There is a whole bunch of sex negative and body negative stuff going on in here.

Ok what I am trying to figure out is this idea that you go buy new equipment together BEFORE you have sex. Talk about ruining the spontaneity of the moment. So we have been on a couple of dates and the attraction is obvious and I take you home and it gets hot and heavy........STOP.....cannot have sex.......don't have new equipment, would be disrespectful. Do folks sit down and talk about sex and equipment and all that stuff before they fuck? That would make me nuts. Sex is spontaneous in my world. I don't need to talk about boundaries and all that before the first time. I pay attention to my partner and her reactions to every single thing I do. I can tell if she likes it or does not like it. If she sees my cock and thinks it's wrong for her then hers comes out.....that is not much more than two or three sentences. I promise she can tell the same thing about me....whether I like what she is doing or do not like it. If this is going to continue then of course there will be longer conversations.

I am kinky and boundaries are critical in our world. I don't ever play with someone without having a basic hard no conversation....which can last less than 5 minutes. If play is going to happen more often then it gets more serious about the yes/no list.

What's that you say honey? You've had other chaps cocks in your mouth and you want me to kiss you?

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by Toughy

First: [B][I]

Ok what I am trying to figure out is this idea that you go buy new equipment together BEFORE you have sex. Talk about ruining the spontaneity of the moment. So we have been on a couple of dates and the attraction is obvious and I take you home and it gets hot and heavy........STOP.....cannot have sex.......don't have new equipment, would be disrespectful. Do folks sit down and talk about sex and equipment and all that stuff before they fuck? That would make me nuts. Sex is spontaneous in my world. I don't need to talk about boundaries and all that before the first time. I pay attention to my partner and her reactions to every single thing I do. I can tell if she likes it or does not like it. If she sees my cock and thinks it's wrong for her then hers comes out.....that is not much more than two or three sentences. I promise she can tell the same thing about me....whether I like what she is doing or do not like it. If this is going to continue then of course there will be longer conversations.

Much of the conversation happens during the normal discourse of dating, not a formal 'lay it all on the table' event. If, during the normal course of courtship (love that word/term/concept), I still have doubts/questions/concerns, I do initiate directed conversations. Does it kill the mood? It sometimes postpones the mood. If the mood is that 'fleeting' and 'wanton' then it's not what I want to invest in anyway.

It just takes paying attention for the most part. But, not everyone has the same set of lenses through which they interpret others. So, I think this means we all we can pay attention and still miss important details and need to verbally ask.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Hollylane

Gaige's cock didn't make it to the airport after her last visit, and I know she will be appalled when I tell all of you, that the lovely fellow has indeed been having "sexy time" with a local temptress...Me. Heh.

I'd feel a little bad about it, but I know she knows/fantasizes about it, and it not-so-secretly turns her on.

I am going to bounce of your post Holly because I feel it's important and it isn't being talked about.


*I* personally if I was in a long distance relationship would not consent to my girl/boy keeping "my" cock.

For *ME* (notice I am talking about me, not anyone else but me) I would not be comfortable with my fuck buddy. partner.submissive.plaything.hook up. if they asked me to leave my cock or toys there. I would wonder why? I would be like um no, I would look at them and wonder why they had the need to keep something that is mine there. (this is different than toothbrushes, t-shirts or any other item that some folks need to be connected).


The reason I bring this up is because I'd like to keep this conversation *real* if I wanted to fuck, there is nothing that is going to stop me. Me leaving my cock at X's house isn't going to stop me from fucking if the urge rises up. Just because I left my cock at O's house is not going to deter me from sexy time. I can:

A. purchase another one

B. use my hands, mouth, or a banana if I want

C. I can use who I am with cock or toys

D. I may have other cocks at home to use


I don't know if for some people the "buy new stuf for me" is a security issue, a value issue, a trust issue, or they just really want a new cock stuff.


It's really a shame we can not have a conversation about the preferences of cock without having to shame those who do partake in one night stands, weekend fucky fucky time, went to Little Rock and got me some time, or any other kind of consentual adult relationship. We're adults as Toughy pointed out if you are going to replace all the toys I hope that these talks are being had BEFORE the actual fucky fucky, if not then I hope you plan a trip to the cock store so everyone is happy. I also hope that while people are getting to know one another the first thing one should be asking is are they tested because nothing ruins a good time like disease or two.


The myth that people who happen to like to fuck without having to be in a monogamous relationship are classless, disrespectful, dirty, dangerous needs to stop. I assure you I am disease free, OCD clean, am never without gloves, condom, damn, saran wrap, I am so sure of this I can put a money bet that my doctors bag is a safe sex haven compared to most people's idea or drawer of safe sex.

You don't trust me and so want to keep a part of my body, then I shall put you into chastity until I see you again. If you don't trust me then why are we fucking to start with?

Keeping a part of me will not stop me playing with my most potent sexual 'organ', m'brain. Or other cocks.

I don't buy new impact play implements for each girl, partner, fuck buddy, casual club play girl. However, I'm zealous about the care of my 'tools' as well as my cock, other dildos, other harnesses and those humans who put their hides in my hands. Sane and consensual as well as risk aware.

[Hollylane]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I am going to bounce of your post Holly because I feel it's important and it isn't being talked about.


*I* personally if I was in a long distance relationship would not consent to my girl/boy keeping "my" cock.

For *ME* (notice I am talking about me, not anyone else but me) I would not be comfortable with my fuck buddy. partner.submissive.plaything.hook up. if they asked me to leave my cock or toys there. I would wonder why? I would be like um no, I would look at them and wonder why they had the need to keep something that is mine there. (this is different than toothbrushes, t-shirts or any other item that some folks need to be connected).


The reason I bring this up is because I'd like to keep this conversation *real* if I wanted to fuck, there is nothing that is going to stop me. Me leaving my cock at X's house isn't going to stop me from fucking if the urge rises up. Just because I left my cock at O's house is not going to deter me from sexy time. I can:

A. purchase another one

B. use my hands, mouth, or a banana if I want

C. I can use who I am with cock or toys

D. I may have other cocks at home to use


I don't know if for some people the "buy new stuf for me" is a security issue, a value issue, a trust issue, or they just really want a new cock stuff.


It's really a shame we can not have a conversation about the preferences of cock without having to shame those who do partake in one night stands, weekend fucky fucky time, went to Little Rock and got me some time, or any other kind of consentual adult relationship. We're adults as Toughy pointed out if you are going to replace all the toys I hope that these talks are being had BEFORE the actual fucky fucky, if not then I hope you plan a trip to the cock store so everyone is happy. I also hope that while people are getting to know one another the first thing one should be asking is are they tested because nothing ruins a good time like disease or two.


The myth that people who happen to like to fuck without having to be in a monogamous relationship are classless, disrespectful, dirty, dangerous needs to stop. I assure you I am disease free, OCD clean, am never without gloves, condom, damn, saran wrap, I am so sure of this I can put a money bet that my doctors bag is a safe sex haven compared to most people's idea or drawer of safe sex.

Just to be clear (not because I think that you are saying something different about my post, but so that there are no misunderstandings or assumptions about Gaige and I)...The post I made earlier, was purely in joyful fun...Gaige and I enjoy the playfulness in our relationship, both bold playfulness, and vague sexual innuendos.

There are no worries about who is in possession of one of Gaige's cocks. There is a level of trust between us that is amazing, and that we both love and value very much. One of the cocks was left here purely for convenience. We are just fine with Gaige's cocks being at both ends of the country, or all in the same place, just as long as one, or all of them, are where we are, when it is time to engage in some "sexy time" in the same zip code.

Incidentally, she also left behind for her convenience; pj's, a sweater, toiletries, and instant coffee (I may have asked her to leave the coffee behind, because I was worried she might enjoy her "coffee time" with someone else...J/k...lol).

Frankly, until we decide the time is right to make a responsible move into our own home, my home is her home, and her home is mine. So, leaving things behind, is sometimes just easier than paying extra baggage fees each time, or worrying about who's been stirring the contents of your luggage around in the airport.

In relationships, Gaige and I both want/are monogamous type people. However, we do not think that what other people want or do, is wrong, dirty, shameful, disrespectful, etc...Live and let live.

[Femminator]

My wife is pretty attached to her cock. I would never expect her to toss out a part of herself, an expression of her sexuality, if she used it with another lover. I was non-monogamous before I met her, and my lovers and I would always use safer sex so I never really thought about it much until this thread.

Not only that, the biomales I have had as lovers never went out and got a new penis for me, we made due with the one they had.

[Cid]

I haven't been with a lot of different partners so maybe that's why I think differently, but I did have a problem with one partner that I had. She hated hearing about my ex in any way, shape or form. I couldn't talk about places that I had been to, concerts that I enjoyed or things that I did in the past if they included my ex.
However, it was ok for her to keep the part of her that involved her ex and their sex life. I didn't get how that was ok. To me, it wasn't.

Here's what I'd like to know. If a femme had her own cock (seriously, I hate that word, but it seems to be the most popular) would her butch partner wear it knowing someone else had worn it before?

I'm guessing not. And the butch that wore it before didn't even have it inserted into their body.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Cid

Here's what I'd like to know. If a femme had her own cock (seriously, I hate that word, but it seems to be the most popular) would her butch partner wear it knowing someone else had worn it before?

.

I'm a fan of bringing my own toys to the proverbial fucking table... I don't see why there would be an issue.

[s0litude]

Originally Posted by Cid

Here's what I'd like to know. If a femme had her own cock (seriously, I hate that word, but it seems to be the most popular) would her butch partner wear it knowing someone else had worn it before?

While I'd be okay with her speaking about her ex-- hell, that's part of your past, part of who you are and how you've been shaped over time,-- I wouldn't use someone else's cock. It's not a matter of where it's been or who's worn it, etc. It's not MINE-- mentally though, it would be like inviting someone else to the party if it weren't just hers and mine together. I think it boils down to how you personally view relationships.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by s0litude

While I'd be okay with her speaking about her ex-- hell, that's part of your past, part of who you are and how you've been shaped over time,-- I wouldn't use someone else's cock. It's not a matter of where it's been or who's worn it, etc. It's not MINE-- mentally though, it would be like inviting someone else to the party if it weren't just hers and mine together. I think it boils down to how you personally view relationships.

I think it boils down to what you attach to things. I care about the people I've been with. However, I don't really associate them with the item why are wearing. perhaps it's just the way I have grown up with sex.

If someone was with someone for 15 years and they bought a dick together and that's the only toy they had and the person feels uncomfortable using it with someone else? ok. fine. go out and buy yourself another cock. come back with one that's yours. I'd like it if it was on the massive fat size, but you know, buy more than one if you want, it's your collection, you are paying for it.

During the separation, I took all the sex toys. most of them were mine to start with anyway and I figured since she got a brand new sex toy, ten years younger than me, she had no right to bitch. And pointed this out. She raised her eyebrows and nodded and said "fair enough."

I've been with a few people since. No one has cared. They've just been happy to be there. As have I. So...

But yeah, if one is serially monogamous and goes from 4 year relationship to 4 year relationship, then I guess they just may see things differently. And hey if that's how people swing it, good for them. And they wouldn't be interested in getting muddy with a tart like me in the first place. so, no issue.

[pinkgeek]

Originally Posted by Cid

If a femme had her own cock (seriously, I hate that word, but it seems to be the most popular) would her butch partner wear it knowing someone else had worn it before?

Why do you hate that word..........

[TheMerryFairy]

Originally Posted by Cid

Here's what I'd like to know. If a femme had her own cock (seriously, I hate that word, but it seems to be the most popular) would her butch partner wear it knowing someone else had worn it before?.

I would probably be the one wearing it, but that is just me. They can choose to but I wouldn't expect someone else to.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Cid

I haven't been with a lot of different partners so maybe that's why I think differently, but I did have a problem with one partner that I had. She hated hearing about my ex in any way, shape or form. I couldn't talk about places that I had been to, concerts that I enjoyed or things that I did in the past if they included my ex.
However, it was ok for her to keep the part of her that involved her ex and their sex life. I didn't get how that was ok. To me, it wasn't.

Here's what I'd like to know. If a femme had her own cock (seriously, I hate that word, but it seems to be the most popular) would her butch partner wear it knowing someone else had worn it before?

I'm guessing not. And the butch that wore it before didn't even have it inserted into their body.

Well I'm not a butch and I do have dicks that other people wear. they can wear their own, or they can wear mine (I'm a size queen. I love them very fat and lots of butches bring the medium sized one one the first date/day of play - also many of my partners haven't used a strap on before, so my harness and dicks are the ones they first use).

I've had two of the ones in my collection of a modest five for almost 10 years. they are in very good condition, I take very good care of them and they are high quality and very expensive. I have slept with about 15 or so butches/MoC women in the last 10 years. None, not one of those, objected to using them, nor did they ask or think about who had used them before. I don't think that's what they were thinking about when passions were running high and the toys were brought out.

My wife used them and they had been worn by several people before and after her. She never asked or wondered who had used them in the whole time we were together.

When she brought her dick to the relationship, she had bought it in her last long term r'ship. No, I did not consider what she had done with M with the dick. I just don't care.

But I've had many partners and I also actually love hearing about their past r'ships. I actually truly do. Especially the positive stuff. Stories about travel and adventure and hilarious sex accidents I like a lot. exes do not threaten me. I know what it is like to have loved and lost and miss people but not want them back. I like sharing that human aspect of experience. I like hearing how much someone loved someone else because it shows they have the same capacity for me.

I may be a bitch, I may not be politically correct/sensative, I take the piss and tease people, mock in a friendly way, be a smartass/sarcastic for affection, I may speak very bluntly and not give a flying fuck about other people's feelings around what I have to say - how they feel is their issue - but I do love stories of love and adventure. especially if they inspire pathos and love or a great venting rant that makes me laugh.

I will not walk on eggshells when it comes to these things. If people are not comfortable with me talking about my exes then I have nothing to talk about. I have spent the majority of my life in the company of those I have loved and I like telling the stories and hearing them.

The sex toys (bondage gear, cocks, harness, flogger, crop, pinwheel, vibrators, rubber opera gloves, portable sling) would cost a small fortune to replace and since I sleep around when I'm single with friends that I like, it's not appropriate for butches to get diva-rific about this. they use mine or bring their own. I don't care who they've used it on. I hope it was fun.

I'm here now and I have a hard time believing they'd be thinking about anything else but my snatch when it's in front of them, to be perfectly honest.