Infidelity

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by Dylan

If Poor Ol' Sandy had cheated on Jesse, I highly highly doubt ANYONE would be defending Jesse and asking "OMG! How could Sandy do such a thing...she's not a REAL woman. Jesse's got sooooooo much going for him. He's hot, he's brilliant, he's a strong man blah blah blah. Sandy just needs to 'woman up', because blah blah blah"

No one would be sending Jesse a Huggie Basket

But I'd bet money on what WOULD happen.

Jesse would still be made out to be a dick who had treated Sandy badly, and DROVE her to cheat. Jesse would have driven ApplePieSandy into the arms of another man.

When a man cheats on a 'beautiful woman' (and looks are just about all a woman's whole character is based on in this country. If she's pretty, well then "she's got a million [nameless] things going for her and she's brilliant" everyone said the same thing about that Hurley chick when Hughy cheated...oh, and where's her career today?), ohhhhhh my god the whole world crashes down, and people have to ask, "How could he cheat on Sandy/Elizabeth Hurley/whothefuckever" Ahhhhhh, but when a woman cheats on her husband, we either don't hear about it at all, because it's not big news, OR (usually), the man drove her to cheat by being such a big dick. Or there were some (excusable) extenuating circumstances (Christie Brinkley, anyone?)


Double Standard,
Dylan

Everyone thought Leanne Rhymes was a double douche for cheating on her hubby with a married man. Nobody sent her a huggy basket.

Cheating is shitty. Regardless of gender, and I think normally men get more of a pass on it than women do.

[Dylan]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Everyone thought Leanne Rhymes was a double douche for cheating on her hubby with a married man. Nobody sent her a huggy basket.

Cheating is shitty. Regardless of gender, and I think normally men get more of a pass on it than women do.

I didn't even hear about this.

But I couldn't turn on the radio or television without hearing about Sandy and Tiger or Hughy

Were there text messages? Were there 'reports' of *hundreds* of men she'd cheated with? Were people suggesting she step out of her career and give up singing? Were people commenting when she put out another record (like, "Pfffft, of course she wouldn't give up her entire career for being a philanderer...told ya' so"...like they are with Tiger?)

Were her emails being posted all over the news and selling for big bucks?


Dylan

[BullDog]

Women are held to much higher standards when it comes to sexuality and "morality." I can't believe anyone would even question this. It's so glaringly obvious.

Boys will be boys- how many times have we heard that?

[Dylan]

Originally Posted by BullDog

Women are held to much higher standards when it comes to sexuality and "morality." I can't believe anyone would even question this. It's so glaringly obvious.

Boys will be boys- how many times have we heard that?

Who was questioning the sexuality and morality of women?

There is a much bigger double standard when women cheat on their husbands, and especially celebrity women.

I mean, you're here giving Tiger a hard time because he's not going to give up his career. We even had a Tiger Woods thread to discuss the whole (private) matter. Yet, I don't remember a thread about the LeAnn incident. Had there been a thread, I might have even known that she'd cheated (although, I still wouldn't have cared). When LeAnn cheated were you giving her the same gruff about her career? Did you roll your eyes when her next CD came out?

Was the husband hot? So hot he didn't deserve to be cheated on (because when it comes to celebrity cheating, apparently looks are the final deciding factor in whether or not someone 'deserved' to be cheated on)? Were there a bunch of outsiders stepping up to say how they'd have "treated him right" because he's so hot and brilliant and couldn't possibly ever do anything mean-spirited?

And to tie this back to Queerdom, because I could give a good rip about straight celebrities cheating on one another...we can see these exact same attitudes played out in ButchFemmeDom...even including the same commentary.

Butch cheats: oh, how could anyone cheat on SoAndSoFemme? She's got so much going for her. I wouldn't do that (even though I don't know her from Adam or Eve). ThatButch is such a dick. SoAndSoFemme is so hot. ThatButch needs to move out and blahblahblah

Femme cheats: Wow, ThatButch must be such a dick. I wonder what ThatButch did to deserve that.

I have yet to hear that either one should give up their careers though.


Have To Get Offline Soon,
Dylan

[BullDog]

Originally Posted by Dylan

Who was questioning the sexuality and morality of women?

There is a much bigger double standard when women cheat on their husbands, and especially celebrity women.

I mean, you're here giving Tiger a hard time because he's not going to give up his career. We even had a Tiger Woods thread to discuss the whole (private) matter. Yet, I don't remember a thread about the LeAnn incident. Had there been a thread, I might have even known that she'd cheated (although, I still wouldn't have cared). When LeAnn cheated were you giving her the same gruff about her career? Did you roll your eyes when her next CD came out?

Was the husband hot? So hot he didn't deserve to be cheated on (because when it comes to celebrity cheating, apparently looks are the final deciding factor in whether or not someone 'deserved' to be cheated on)? Were there a bunch of outsiders stepping up to say how they'd have "treated him right" because he's so hot and brilliant and couldn't possibly ever do anything mean-spirited?

And to tie this back to Queerdom, because I could give a good rip about straight celebrities cheating on one another...we can see these exact same attitudes played out in ButchFemmeDom...even including the same commentary.

Butch cheats: oh, how could anyone cheat on SoAndSoFemme? She's got so much going for her. I wouldn't do that (even though I don't know her from Adam or Eve). ThatButch is such a dick. SoAndSoFemme is so hot. ThatButch needs to move out and blahblahblah

Femme cheats: Wow, ThatButch must be such a dick. I wonder what ThatButch did to deserve that.

I have yet to hear that either one should give up their careers though.


Have To Get Offline Soon,
Dylan

I never gave Tiger a hard time on cheating. His press conference was an apology to his sponsors and a way for him to participate in this year's major tournaments. I said that then, and I said that now. I think he's a slime for lying and cheating (if he did cheat- since I don't know what he and his wife may or may not have agreed upon). I would think his wife was a slime if she cheated on him. I would think my next door neighbor was a slime if she cheated on whomever.

I missed the LeAnn incident. I'm not a big country music fan and don't watch tv, so I miss most of the celeb gossip.

I don't see the double standard within butch femme circles either. A lot of times a butch femme couple is two women, btw or two females,- one is butch and one is femme (not always of course)- so why would straight man/woman "standards" even apply. Anyway, I don't think cheating is viewed too kindly in butch femme circles whether it's a femme, butch, FTM or other gendered person doing it. I don't see the outcry being much different than within lesbian circles (where it is two women).

[Apocalipstic]

Again I say if people handle their business with honesty and respect then there are no problems.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Again I say if people handle their business with honesty and respect then there are no problems.

j

Amen Sistah! Emphasis on *people*.

[Dylan]

Originally Posted by BullDog

A lot of times a butch femme couple is two women, btw or two females,- one is butch and one is femme (not always of course)- so why would straight man/woman "standards" even apply.

Riggggghhhhhhhht

'Cuz butches and femmes nevvvvvvvvvvvvver have heterosexist norms placed on them

I mean, butches are neeevvvvvvvvver equated to men

and femmes are neeeevvvvvvvvvvvver expected to maintain straight ideals of femininity

We should start a thread about it, 'cuz I don't think there's evvvvver been a thread about it


I Must Be Outta My Gourd,
Dylan

P.S. Thanks for the butch-femme primer

[Dylan]

Martina,

I'm talking about celebrities, and I'm talking about butch-femme couples

And I'm talking about Western/U.S.

Yeah, I know the history of women


Dylan

[BullDog]

Originally Posted by Dylan

Riggggghhhhhhhht

'Cuz butches and femmes nevvvvvvvvvvvvver have heterosexist norms placed on them

I mean, butches are neeevvvvvvvvver equated to men

and femmes are neeeevvvvvvvvvvvver expected to maintain straight ideals of femininity

We should start a thread about it, 'cuz I don't think there's evvvvver been a thread about it


I Must Be Outta My Gourd,
Dylan

P.S. Thanks for the butch-femme primer

Yes butches are equated to men all the time. I don't see men or butches being held to higher standards. I see the exact opposite when it comes to men. Women are held to much higher standards and there is lots of violence against women when they have cheated or perceived to have cheated, something that can happen to men but doesn't nearly as often. Boys will be boys may be a stereotype but it is also a major way of excusing behavior.

As to butch femme communities, I think if a butch, FTM, person of masculine persuasion is cheated on they get the same sympathy and sense of outrage as when it happens to a femme. I do not see butches being held to higher standards when it comes to cheating, relationships, etc. There are of course instances of friends taking sides, etc which happens in any community.

As to celebrities, I don't much care. I didn't think you did either, but you keep bringing them up.

Oh and as to my little "tutorial" yeah most butches and femmes are women. When you keep talking about how bad men have it and keep ignoring what women have to say here and in other discussions it's pretty offensive to some of us.

Cheating is cheating no matter which gender does it.