"Traditional" Masculinity in Today's Society

[Hack]

I was raised mostly by my paternal grandfather who was a five-star gentleman -- impeccable manners, impeccable taste in everything. I grew up emulating him in many ways. I open doors, hold out chairs, stand up when a girl gets up or enters a room, take off my ballcap for the national anthem, the whole deal. I like to pay the tab, but was softened up a bit last year while spending time with a European woman who found my manners horribly old-fashioned.

I was also raised around very old school Polish-Catholic uncles on the other side of the family, who were rowdy, loud, whistled at pretty girls, yet would take out anybody with a punch who disrespected their mom or their sisters.

My life is a study in dichotomy.

I've worked hard the last few years to better understand and to better communicate with women. I've learned to express myself when I am comfortable doing so, and sometimes when I am not comfortable doing so. It's really hard to get over those stoic German roots. I'm a writer by trade, and I often find it easier to discuss my feelings on paper (and sometimes in email, though I loathe it as a medium).

I think manners are taught, along with respect. Sometimes, though, we pick up bad habits of passive-aggressiveness or shutting off communication when faced with a big problem. I try very hard to treat everyone around me with kindness and respect. It's only at work that I can be an aggressive, direct person...but that seems to motivated people in that setting. I'm a nice guy, basically, and I don't like to think I am a dying breed.

Jake

[Write14u]

I hear ya, Jake. Excellent points.

I have these kinds of conversations with my roomie and good friend, who is a bio-male. He just seems so lackadaisical in this category. I mean, he is well-mannered, but it seems like he's content to just do things halfway.

I know I picked up a lot of things from my dad, who does his thing in a quiet way. But there are things I didn't learn from him. I picked up many things from a guy I knew in high school. I think my thing was a fascination with the old-school, gentlemanly behavior. There are a lot of traits associated with masculinity, but ones like those are the ones I prefer to co-opt.