Too much honesty?

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by Girl_On_Fire

I've learned recently about this thing called "gesturing". That, in order to be in a successful relationship there has to be a lot of what I consider a "special type of lying" in order to maintain that relationship.

For example:

• Arguments - Do you aplogize when you know you're not wrong?
• Attraction - Do you deny that someone or something else caught your eye for a just moment when asked?
• Sexual Satisfaction - Do you fake it or are you honest?
• Breath/Body Odor - Do you say something or live with it?
• Friends - Would you tell your partner if you didn't like one their friends or just grin and bear it?

Are you completely blunt and honest with each other all of the time? Is there a time when being too honest might seriously damage the relationship? Or do you think letting too many things "go" in a relationship will end up in a serious blow-up or break-up?

Where do you, personally, draw the line?

This is a tough one for me as well, as I am a conflict-avoider. So, I have exactly the opposite problem from you.

• Arguments - I tend to panic during arguments. I apologize for everything, whether I'm wrong, right, or even if there's nothing to apologize for. This gets a bit annoying, I think. Some people never apologize for anything at all, however. That is also annoying.
  If I could control my emotional brain, I would say NO, never apologize for anything you're not sorry for, but take the time to listen and try to appreciate the other person's perspective before you decide you're not at fault.
  
• Attraction - I kind of agree with SuddenlyWest here. I get SO few opportunities to find someone attractive - let me enjoy it for a moment! LOL I don't mind if the person I'm dating finds someone attractive, as long as they don't compare me to said attractive person. I think this is one of those "if asked, be honest" things (the unspoken rule being don't bring it up if not asked!).
  
• Sexual Satisfaction - that's a tough one. faking it over and over means you're never going to be satisfied, so not a good idea. faking it once, when you're having an off day and just can't get there, might not be the worst idea. I guess the bottom line is whether they are responsible for your lack of satisfaction (e.g. doing stuff you don't like) or you are (e.g. can't get out of your head long enough to enjoy yourself). If it's them, say something.
  
• Odor - OMG please say something! First, because if you had bad odor, you would also want to know. Second, scent is such a strong factor in attraction, you are going to have to address it or your will eventually stop being attracted.
  
• Friends - oooo, that's a sticky one. I'd say don't ever insult anyone's friends (or family) unless you've been in the relationship for a LONG time. While it's OK to say how that person relates to you ("Nadia & I don't seem to have much in common." or "Zach's sexist humor kind of annoys me. Why don't you two hang out alone?"), it is NOT OK to attack someone's character who you don't really know. ("Carol is such a loser - why do you hang out with her?") All this will do is drive a wedge between you and your partner.