This side of Heaven

[Sweet Bliss]

I don't even know what I'm doing today, plodding ahead, numbly doing rote tasks. I asked "why don't you help me? I can't move as fast as I did before my surgery, it takes me much longer to do stuff now." and you answered, "because it's your stuff."

Because it's my stuff.

Because

it's

my

stuff.

When you wake up and coffee is ready for you
When you come home and your laundry is done
When you come home for lunch and a hot meal is waiting for you
When you are tired and your back hurts and I give you a massage
When you have a headache and I rub your temples and give you a foot rub to pull your attention from your headache
When I bring you a cold drink and cool towel to wipe your sweat away when you do the yard
When I make your lunch when you work out of town
When I get you fresh ice water without being asked
When I put fresh sheets on the bed I'm not allowed to sleep in
When I paint the interior of your house
When I take out the trash daily
When I clean the 3 bathrooms
When I vacuum 2300 sq ft of floor
When I plant flowers, trees, palms, plants
When I sweep the porch
When I clean your truck
When I scratch your back
when I hug and hold you when you are sad
When I clean your man cave
When I feed your pets daily and nightly
When I provide first aid for you and the pets
When I cook giant omelettes for you and all the trimmings
When I clean up the yards after storms
When I clean up the yards after the tree guy makes a mess
When I do dishes and clean up 3x a day
When I clean out the fridge
When I pick up your dirty clothes and shoes
When I buy your favorite cookies or make them from scratch
When I fix your torn clothes, sew on buttons
When I do all these things and more

I say te amo,.......................not "that's your stuff".

You are right. yes. it's my stuff. Thanks for the reminder.

[Sweet Bliss]

I had no idea how true and painful those words could be until I heard them. I'm recovering from heart surgery, 8 hours of it. Will take at least a year, and have a ways to go. So I'm moving by myself, again. Lifting boxes, furniture, stuff. (Against Dr's orders) It's all just stuff. I don't want to leave it all behind. Omg, how cryptic is that.

Good grief. More truth stuck in my craw. lol, this too shall pass... really? are you sure? My inner self does not believe it.

So now my home is on wheels stretching 38 ft long. She is my Grace. My saving Grace. I have no idea where I'm going after I leave this current situation.

Maybe this time instead of following my 'Bliss', I will just live in 'Grace'.

[Sweet Bliss]

http://www.flickr.com/photos/17857260@N00/

Take a gander at Grace's new riser.... not done of course but maybe by the weekend?

[Sweet Bliss]

Some say love, it is a river

That drowns the tender reed

Some say love, it is a razor

That leaves your soul to bleed

Some say love, it is a hunger

An endless aching need

I say love, it is a flower

And you, its only seed


It's the heart, afraid of breaking

That never learns to dance

It's the dream, afraid of waking

That never takes the chance

It's the one who won't be taken

Who cannot seem to give

And the soul, afraid of dying

That never learns to live


When the night has been too lonely

And the road has been too long

And you think that love is only

for the lucky and the strong

Just remember in the winter

Far beneath the bitter snow

Lies the seed

That with the sun's love, in the spring

Becomes the rose

[Sweet Bliss]

I'm doing some thinking about what i think love is.

Taking another look at my list I see that if the person I'm with doesn't see what I do as love in action, then maybe there is something I'm missing. So I looked at the list, really looked at it and tried to be neutral. Not easy.

If I look at the list and see it as good breeding, good manners, things I 'should' do as the femme partner, the domestic half... then it's NOT love. It's just a list of things I do to express MY love. But it's not Love. It's just stuff I do. Stuff I do in the name of love. So if you erase the stuff i do. All that's left is the feeling. Maybe that's the love. The feeling. Not the doing. So if I stop thinking that the things I do are love, then thinking I'm not loved in return will be gone. That would free up alot of energy used to be hurt and angry over something that is not even happening. What could I do with that overload of energy? Maybe i could use it to get rid of other silly things I do in the name of Love.

Hummm. Food for thought.

[Sweet Bliss]

Ha. Finally figured it out.

[Sweet Bliss]

I saw your handsome face
next to hers
smiling at the camera
next to hers
skin to skin
next to hers

I saw the location
next to hers
you drew a picture
it was hers
it was precious
it was hers

I saw the end of me
next to her
I saw the end of you
next to her
never an us
next to her