Friends of Bill W.

[ManOMan]

Originally Posted by Miss_Tia

when I first got back to Ohio, I went to meetings. I quit, because I had a woman stalking me in the meetings. I tried a few months ago, to go back, and again, the same woman and then a man started to pursue me. And they just dont take no for an answer. Even tho I am engaged to be married, they still wouldnt leave me alone.

So, rather than dealing with it, I just stay away from meetings. And its pissing me off. I dont know what to do.

Wow, I'd be stark raving sober if I didn't get to meetings. I'm in a min. of 3 a week (and that really is the minimum)....and I've got 26 years.

Do you have a sponsor to talk to about this? In my neck of the woods the old-timer women blast guys that are inappropriate with women in the rooms. Seriously.

Please consider talking to some other women about this. I'd hate to see you go out behind this. I've seen that happen OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Meetings are critical to sobriety.

If you want to talk more about this you can pm me.

- Kevin

[LeftWriteFemme]

March 21


When is enough, enough?


“What is the difference between full and all? Don’t know? Well, let me tell you,” said my sponsor with a wink. “Full is when the broccoli that went perfectly with the entrée leaves a pleasant smile on your face, full is when the arrow on the gas gauge points to F, these are little indicators of full. Indications that you have reached all: the wet scary feeling in your mouth after your second piece of pie, all is the gas pouring down the side of your car because you have to try to squeeze more in.”
“Yes, yes,” I reply, “I know when I’ve overdone it; I resent everyone or at least I am cranky about everything. I know when I’m under doing it, too; I get either a lost feeling or the sense that I should be in charge, but how do I really know that I am doing enough?”
“If your sponsor has a good idea of where you are mentally, physically and spiritually; if the people in your home group can count on you to contribute service regularly. If most people in most meetings know not just your face, but also your name. If your sponsees freely admit that you are their sponsor, those are sure signs. Though the biggest signal for me is how constant my contact is. If I’m reluctant to pray I’m usually not doing enough of something.”




Learn from pain

*

MATH

If this is the solution why aren't I happy?
I ask my sponsor in a piteous whine.
You've run the equation and the solution equals happiness?
She queries, that's the whole and total answer?
How many times did you go through the computations?

What's your point?
Are you saying happiness isn't the answer?
What about joy and freedom?
I heard someone say that was the goal
I know that's what I heard.

Let's think about it for a hot second
What would you think
If I worked the steps as hard as I do
And as a result walked around in a perpetual grin?
I'd think you had lost your mind.

So you're telling me you believe
The product of recovery is idiocy?
The thing we all are aspiring to is bliss and nothing but?
No, I guess not.
Then what is the solution for you? I ask.

A tally which fits the day I'm having
Joy sometimes fits that bill
But other days it's sadness or concern
There have been days when disbelief
And dismay were part of the appropriate response.

For me, the solution is having an equation
That helps me respond to life
Instead of reacting to it.
That's better than unending happiness
That's wholeness she said with a grin

[RockOn]

EDIT:

Hi Friend, I am responding to post of yours. It is not your last post but a couple posts back.

END EDIT



There's an attractive red-haired guy who comes to meetings all around town. He has never been sober or even tried to be -he does a lot of drugs. Anyway, his purpose is to pick up good-looking newbie young women at meetings. When I see him in meetings, I stay after and observe him. Soon as he starts conversing with his next victim, I go over and make sure I am loud when I tell her to stay away from him because he is nothing but a sexual predator and she won't be able to get sober ever if she hangs with him. It is not 30 seconds and other women come over, chime in, back me up.

Yeah, we have a guy or two in this area who are still using and prey on female newcomers. There are quite a number of females and female bodied folks (me) who now monitor this guy's behaviour at meetings and we don't allow him to spend time alone with newcomers. We found he was then preying on the newcomers outside meetings when on public transport to and from meetings. We now try to ensure that female newcomers get lifts wherever possible, just whilst they gain a little strength of their own to deal with this chump.

I suspect that local members are well aware of these folks behaviour in your area; I would suggest speaking to the group servants quietly, or taking the issue to the next group conscience meeting if you feel unable to deal with it on your own...and really, why should you deal with on your own, this is a 'we' programme.

In the NA fellowship there is an IP literature leaflet that deals with inappropriate behaviour at meetings which covers situations like this and others. Does AA have a similar piece of lit.?

Nothing and no-one should keep you from attending the meetings you wish to attend.

I hope you resolve this so that you can go back to meetings comfortably and get re-filled with hope and gratitude.

ILF

[LeftWriteFemme]

March 22

Clever Me

I am clever, I am so clever, everyone knows it and I know it, too. So, why do I get slam stuck on the very simple things required to keep my life running smoothly? I know what needs to be done, yet have no clue as to how to accomplish these threads of minutia. I stall; panic, plod, pout. When I do force myself to do it I end up creating either a new pile of impossible incidentals or some anticlimactic end, but secret solutions are as of yet undiscovered. The whip, the lash and the club avail nothing though sweet enticements do no better. I pray, “Dear G-d please help me!” but this has no point, I don’t want the help, I am afraid of the help, I am afraid of the change and of course who wouldn’t be? Beyond here lay someone I don’t know, someone I only fear, beyond here lay the fearless me and I am clever enough to be afraid of her.



Fill the potholes in your thinking



*

THE PROCESS

The mountains don't wash away like sandcastles
The amount of persistence required is far greater.
Acorns don't work like sunflowers
Not everything is instant gratification.

Marathons aren't run in seconds
If you don't love the whole adventure, pick a smaller goal
There is no shame in sunflowers or sandcastles or microwave popcorn
As long as you want it and hold it in esteem

Time-consuming, life-consuming journeys
Have a high price in boredom
And are not worth the consumption
If that is not where your heart leads you

You don't have to love washing the pans
To be a good baker
But it helps
Peace is in the process.

[nanners]

Hi, I'm new to this thread, and pretty new to this site, although I registered quite some time back, I only came back every couple months, so I really don't know many people except those I knew from BF Dance.

Long story short, I am now in recovery, for 2 addictions. OA (Overeaters Anonymous) and DA (Debtor's Anonymous) and attend weekly meetings and have a sponsor for each program. I'm glad to see this thread, and will probably post in it a bit.

Right now, my biggest struggle is going off sugar again (I was off sugar for almost 6 months, then had a relapse last month when a friend died that I had been taking care of, he was a using alcoholic and died from liver disease and AIDS). I am ready to dive deep into my program, starting at Step One again.

Thank you all for being here!

Hey nanners, welcome to the thread

[ManOMan]

In the NA fellowship there is an IP literature leaflet that deals with inappropriate behaviour at meetings which covers situations like this and others. Does AA have a similar piece of lit.?

ILF [/COLOR][/QUOTE]

If there is such a pamphlet in AA, I am unaware of it. I happen to have the literature commitment at my Wed. night meeting, so the next time I go to the central office I can ask.

Actually at that particular meeting we have an old guy (83) that's inappropriate in general. He claims 32 years, but he's still an A-hole. He's also got the beginning stages of Alzheimer's and it exacerbates the situation. I think it's the only meeting he's physically able to get to. We've had several conversations and the secretary called NY. What they said was the secretary can 86 someone. We've all prayed a lot about this. What we came up with is that he as an assigned chair that keeps him in the back of the room. He's been told that if he doesn't like it, there's the door.

'Our common welfare should come first', so if there are people that push beyond the scope of "Love and tolerance", they can be asked to leave.

I'm glad that there are people that are willing to get involved to make meetings a safe place for everyone. Meetings are way too important.

[o222Good]

Originally Posted by Daktari

In the NA fellowship there is an IP literature leaflet that deals with inappropriate behaviour at meetings which covers situations like this and others. Does AA have a similar piece of lit.?

This is from Page 119 of the 12 and 12:
"It is only where "boy meets girl on A.A. campus," and love follows at first sight, that difficulties may develop. The prospective partners need to be solid A.A's and long enough acquainted to know that their compatibility at spiritual, mental, and emotional levels is a fact and not wishful thinking. They need to be sure as possible that no deep-lying emotional handicap in either will be likely to rise up under pressures to cripple them."

It's known as the 13th Step and usually is not good. An oldtimer once said, "Do not do the Steps out of order, and that goes for the 13th Step too!"

13th Steppers are frowned upon. Group officers should nip it in the bud! Going up to the offender and telling them to discuss it with their sponsor is good. (Many times it turns out they don't have a sponsor, which is where the problem lies in the first place!)

[LeftWriteFemme]

March 27

New Borne


What happens when you finally get what you want, what you barely dared to dream? What happens when you can hardly do more than drip tears down from smiling eyes? Where do you go with a future filled with proposed joy? Heaven is an option if only you believed, but hell has been such a perennial destination it’s hard to realize there will be no return trip this year or possibly ever again. The work required to change from an attitude of longing to one of satisfaction is as real as all the work needed thus far. Tending love is a host of disciplines I want to step to, like I have done it all my life, like I was born to do it and I was, yet, still growth is accompanied by its own pain and awkwardness and who am I to deny this treat. Any new life worth living is worth the pain to bear it.




Turn up your smile

*


FEELINGS

Getting my feelings back
Was like a package delivered.
Not a letter bomb
More like live squid or bait of some kind
It was something to catch me out there.

I think overcoming the shock
Was more or less the small part
Though it seemed to loom at the time.
The squirming, the writhing of my soul
Was like a pregnancy following a bad dream.

I wondered how this became a part of me.
I squandered my days
Hoping it would leave quietly some night soon.
Like all difficult relationships
I attempted to hold my breath through it.

Failing this, I tried to offer my feelings a guest wing in my heart
And a never ending supply of tea and cookies.
When the reality of life with feelings planted itself firmly in me
I let out my breath, stopped the hostess act
And endeavored to roll with it.

This worked well.
I have since invested in a wet-suit and fins
The squid are much easier to live with
When I meet them on their turf.

Originally Posted by o222Good

This is from Page 119 of the 12 and 12:
"It is only where "boy meets girl on A.A. campus," and love follows at first sight, that difficulties may develop. The prospective partners need to be solid A.A's and long enough acquainted to know that their compatibility at spiritual, mental, and emotional levels is a fact and not wishful thinking. They need to be sure as possible that no deep-lying emotional handicap in either will be likely to rise up under pressures to cripple them."

It's known as the 13th Step and usually is not good. An oldtimer once said, "Do not do the Steps out of order, and that goes for the 13th Step too!"

13th Steppers are frowned upon. Group officers should nip it in the bud! Going up to the offender and telling them to discuss it with their sponsor is good. (Many times it turns out they don't have a sponsor, which is where the problem lies in the first place!)

Thanks o222good, I heard about the 13 steppers. Infact as a wee 22yr old active alchy I was prey to more than one or two when I came to the fellowships in the 80s

However, it wasn't me who was wanting advice about what to do when encountering such behaviour in meetings. I was just trying help, like yourself.

I've been looking for an online pdf copy of the NA 'behaviour in meetings' leaflet but can't find one.

I'm really surprised that AA doesn't have the same.

[LeftWriteFemme]

March 28

Feelings/Facts

Delay is when I don’t deal with the tack, don’t deal with the finish nail, land up with a 12 penny in my heel and think about waiting for the railroad spike. Rebellion is when I run through the razor-wire fence expecting to make a clean get away. If I don’t socialize my problems when they are puppies all hope is lost when faced with the big dogs. Exiting out the fifth story window is suicide in fact, but in my thinking I am merely rebelling. Willingness and cooperation make a dynamic duo; powerful combatants of delay, rebellion, many other joy killing, life stealing foe. A life led with cooperation and willingness is not necessarily perfection, but it often feels that way.




Coax loose your tangled frustrations



*

FUTURE TENTS

The future seeps in through the windows
Like the dawn steeling across the sky
Once I inhale it, I am out of doors
Only the lightest of canvas covering me

The opening, flaps in the breeze
The wind of unbidden things echoes
Off the wall of people
Shut out from this adventure

I brace myself for the cutting current
But am greeted by the softest of zephyrs
I duck out
I stand unfettered

Lonely whispers call
But I am isolated
The scene is empty, serene and beautiful
There are other tents

Other seekers standing on other hills
But they see their own futures
From the vantage of their own tents
And thankfully I am left to see mine

[ManOMan]

I'm feeling a big internal shift happening again in my life. This is nothing new. Been there. Done that. Have the shirt. In fact I'm actually pretty excited about it.

When I was new change scared me...a lot. I was so trying to get my feet on the ground that when it started to move I was at a loss. I didn't have alcohol or 'party favors' to take the edge off. The process was alien to me.

I'm really grateful that I had people then and now to make this journey possible. God, expressing as the Fellowship, is what has bolstered me up when I needed it and allowed me to return the favor.

It's all Good.

- Kevin