Friends of Bill W.

[nanners]

I am going to an Overeater's Anonymous Retreat this weekend...the theme is about the "Promises of OA" and I'm over the top excited about it! I need this "boost" to fully connect with my program again, I have still been having a rough time with the sugar addiction. I have told myself that I will be abstinent from sugar while I am there, and I do think that being there will give me what I need to sustain that. My sponsor will also be there, so we'll get in some one to one time as well.

My roommate is a lesbian, who is partnered...and that's pretty cool too. I'm sure we'll have good things to talk about.

I believe I have internet access there so I'll try to keep up with the Planet!

Originally Posted by nanners

I am going to an Overeater's Anonymous Retreat this weekend...the theme is about the "Promises of OA" and I'm over the top excited about it! I need this "boost" to fully connect with my program again, I have still been having a rough time with the sugar addiction. I have told myself that I will be abstinent from sugar while I am there, and I do think that being there will give me what I need to sustain that. My sponsor will also be there, so we'll get in some one to one time as well.

My roommate is a lesbian, who is partnered...and that's pretty cool too. I'm sure we'll have good things to talk about.

I believe I have internet access there so I'll try to keep up with the Planet!

No amount of 'telling myself' anything has ever helped for me sadly. That's why I need this stuff, other folks who know what it's like and most importantly my HP who, when I'm surrendered, makes me a 'we'.That's how it works for me anyway.

Glad to hear you'll get time with your sponsor too.

I hope you have a wonderful time and find that re-energising and re-submitting to the programme that you're looking for.

May I venture that keeping up with the Planet will just take focus away from the healing time you're there for. Just a thought.

Have a great time

[LeftWriteFemme]

April 6


Fearing Fearlessness

How many times have I given the credit to night blind fear, credit due the brave persistent child? How many times have I blamed the willing diligent pursuer when the fault was the backstabbing delay of mistrust? I resist the onset of freedom. Fear was my oldest familiar and I put from my mind that it was my jailer, captor; kidnapped me from my cradle and kept me locked from G-d’s fine intentions. Fearlessness sounds debilitating to my crippled ears, organs who hear well the disclaimers and are deaf to the claims. I am the producer of bile and addicted to dread, endorphins wear white hats and win the day once this yellow belly is put to bed.





Allow yourself distance from uncomfortable people



*

BIRDS AND BEES

Birds and Bees can get me drunk
I have to watch the amount of envy
Which pours through me as I watch their bliss

When others make a beeline to the hive
I must head to a meeting and save myself despair
If my spiritual condition is not sound

When other couples are weaving their nests
I have to be careful
Not to weave my way back to the bar

The mating dance is so sweet and seductive
I have to make sure
I don't end up doing the two step

For as much as I hate to admit it
If steps one and twelve where enough to keep me sober
The rest would not have needed to be written

[LeftWriteFemme]

April 7

Two Things That Should Be One

The difference between my will and G-d’s will is that G-d actually likes me all the time, never looks to punish and would rather that I don’t settle for less then what is best for me.

The difference between G-d’s will and my will is left to my own devices I would run in a perpetual circle and dig a trough. I would never ask for help and would refuse if it were offered. I would take on misguidedness as a mantle and wear it to my wake.

Often my will and G-d’s will are miles apart, but they needn’t be. G-d is the president of my fan club; I just need to start attending the meetings.




Make music in your head that you can feel in your whole body

*


WHIP

I have been to the meeting where the play 'whip'
The meeting where the members are gotten in line
The tempo increases constantly in an attempt
To flick each other off into the land of shame and slips and less-than

This game is invisible to the participants
Though the stress on their bodies is surely felt
Spectators often misunderstand the meaning of the activity
And wrongly interpret it as strength training and endurance building

I think of it as a backward step
Throwing me to my initial desire for a drink
Living other peoples skewed lines
Sent me running for a bottle

The same lines
Placed around me in sobriety
Will measure me up for a box

[nanners]

Wow....I learned so much and I had the best weekend ever. It was exhausting emotionally and mentally, but oh so worth it! I have the names, numbers and e-mails of 17 people that I can call anytime for support! I also have a renewed energy to really step up my program and stay off the trigger foods like sugar. Today is Day 2 of abstinence from sugar.

I signed up to be on next years committee for the retreat too! I am so excited! There were quite a few people from my home meeting there, but so many I didn't know and got the chance to meet and got to know a little.

I am so incredibly inspired.

[LeftWriteFemme]

April 8


Out on Your Front Porch


“If you want what we have,” said my sponsor, “you will have to follow somebody and lead somebody and do a few other things.”
“I have to follow somebody, that shouldn’t be too hard,” I mumble.
“In order to follow it helps if you stop looking at the ground, lift you gaze,” her retort. I raise my chin until I meet her eyes. “Better,” says she.
“I follow you?” I ask.
“Me, yes, if I have what you want, follow others if I don’t,” she says.
“Okay and lead somebody, how do I do that?” I ask.
“It’s attraction, Sweetie, be attractive, show your smile and your smarts, but most of all show that you’re sober, because that is always your best asset. And no matter what anybody tells you about the allure of bad girls, nobody can resist a good set of assets”




Don’t let the rush of the river scare you from the bank

*

WHAT IS PAST

The past cannot hold me in a loving embrace
I run too often looking for affection and recognition
In things long dead and purportedly buried

I return to the ghoulish obsession of digging up
Old hates and sorrows longing for support
And finding only the cause of the ulcers in my soul

I wallpaper the crumbling facade
Not wanting to cover it up but to hold it together
Trying to unify something which is totally scattered

When I view it with a sober eye
The past is nothing but a slideshow
Under a strobe light

The pulse triggers the impulsive belief that it was all real
When in truth it was the lie I survived
No life existed in the past

Only now is there air to breathe
The past is all vacuum
And I don't need to be sucked away

Originally Posted by nanners

Wow....I learned so much and I had the best weekend ever. It was exhausting emotionally and mentally, but oh so worth it! I have the names, numbers and e-mails of 17 people that I can call anytime for support! I also have a renewed energy to really step up my program and stay off the trigger foods like sugar. Today is Day 2 of abstinence from sugar.

I signed up to be on next years committee for the retreat too! I am so excited! There were quite a few people from my home meeting there, but so many I didn't know and got the chance to meet and got to know a little.

I am so incredibly inspired.

I was so hoping you'd come back and post about your weekend.

I'm stoked to hear you're all inspired again and extended your recovery network.

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

April 7

Two Things That Should Be One

The difference between my will and G-d’s will is that G-d actually likes me all the time, never looks to punish and would rather that I don’t settle for less then what is best for me.

The difference between G-d’s will and my will is left to my own devices I would run in a perpetual circle and dig a trough. I would never ask for help and would refuse if it were offered. I would take on misguidedness as a mantle and wear it to my wake.

Often my will and G-d’s will are miles apart, but they needn’t be. G-d is the president of my fan club; I just need to start attending the meetings.


<snipetty snip>

Oh boy! This piece speaks to me today. Thanks Sherrie.

[LeftWriteFemme]

April 9


Up and Down: Round and Round

Like the wheel on my spinning wheel I pump up and down on the treadle and the wheel spins round and round, the roving twists in my hand and yarn is made. Really all I do is tap my foot and gently hold on, pulling occasionally. It is a small part I play in this production at least it feels small almost unnecessary, but with a clear mind I see that without me it doesn’t get done. I am essential yet still just a foot-tapper and hanger-on neither of these is prestigious yet the whole fabric depends on my mundane actions. I take great comfort knowing that all over there are foot-tappers and hangers-on keeping safe this way of life, sometimes keeping it safe just through sheer repetition. And if you ask, “Is that Unity or Recovery or Service?” All I can say is “Yes it is.”



Powder your bottom line

*


CLAW MARKS

There is a brackish River
Whose current changes directions twice a day
Its bed is well washed on every side.

It begs the question-
Which way is down hill?
There are times I struggle up hill in both directions

There are times I slip from every slope
What is up is often down
Judgment of topography requires distance

Scaling the surface takes tenacity
I plan on leaving my mark as I go
Life's residue staining my finger tips.