Jokes and things that made you laugh.

Janstevie · 04-06-2013, 01:09 PM

My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity, i said no we all seem to enjoy it.

Janstevie · 05-29-2013, 02:26 PM

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with
an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your
ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over
there.....", as he pointed out a distant location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded, saying, " Mister, I have the
authority of the Federal Government with me!"
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge
and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go
wherever I wish.... on ANY land!! No questions asked or
answers given!! Have I made myself clear...... do you understand???"

The rancher nodded politely, apoligised and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up
and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the
rancher's enormous Santa Gertrudis bull......

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it
seemed likely that the officer would be gruesomely gored before he reached safety. The man was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at
the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge........ show him your BADGE!!!

.

Kätzchen · 05-13-2017, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janstevie

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over
there.....", as he pointed out a distant location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded, saying, " Mister, I have the
authority of the Federal Government with me!"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge
and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go
wherever I wish.... on ANY land!! No questions asked or
answers given!! Have I made myself clear...... do you understand???"

The rancher nodded politely, apoligised and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's enormous Santa Gertrudis bull......

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that the officer would be gruesomely gored before he reached safety. The man was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge........ show him your BADGE!!!

.

And, this joke too. Omg, so SOOO funny, LOL !!
This joke made me laugh so much that I shared it with friends, years ago and just like me, they laughed until their sides hurt, lol.

---K---

Kätzchen · 04-07-2024, 10:09 AM

“If you were a vegetable you’d be a Cutecumber,” said a parent to their child.

(I heard this last week while in line at the grocery store).

Kätzchen · 05-04-2025, 10:02 PM

I’ve been watching SNL since I was 16. And last night it was side splitting laughter, as they parsed jokingly this latest round of (…). Hope this lifts you up because it was just simply hilarious to watch their skits enjoy an evening of laughter.

Duchess · 05-30-2013, 09:01 PM

My lesbian neighbors bought me a Rolex for Christmas...

I guess they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.

Janstevie · 06-18-2013, 03:40 PM

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that your ex-partner is really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

macele · 06-18-2013, 04:58 PM

there were these 3 rabbits. put, put put, and put put put. well put got sick. so put put and put put put took put to the doctor. o it was awful, put died. put put and put put put grieved some kind of terrible. not too long after put died, put put got sick. so put put put took put put to the doctor. put put put was hopping and screaming all over that clinic! and he told the doctor, "please doctor please! don't let put put die! i've already got one put in the grave!"

Janstevie · 06-21-2013, 09:33 AM

DO NOT READ THE NEXT SENTENCE.

You little rebel. I like you.

AnnRkey · 06-21-2013, 10:50 AM

The fact that its bring your child to work day. Seeing as I have no kids, I found it quite entertaining myself and some older widow/spinster types are the only ones sitting doing work still instead of taking pics with Smokey the Bear, carrying Animal Balloons, and eating cake. LOL!

Janstevie · 06-22-2013, 06:29 PM

I couldn't believe my dad had been stealing from his job as a road worker,
although saying that, all the signs were there.

Scots_On_The_Rocks · 10-08-2013, 09:22 AM

Things I have said to my doc:

"Round IS a shape so shut up!"

"Yeah, about that exercise thing...you see my thighs would rub together creating friction that would catch my underwear on fire, and seeing how that would be considered as arson, insurance don't cover that, so no, I won't be exercising any time soon."

Janstevie · 10-20-2013, 05:37 AM

I went down to my local supermarket and I said: "I want to make a complaint. This vinegar's got lumps in it". He said: "Those are pickled onions."

Janstevie · 11-03-2013, 09:49 AM

can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead.

Cin · 11-03-2013, 11:25 AM

In an attempt to find new ways to keep guns in the hands of US citizens, various gun groups banned together to develop guns for pets. The tiny rodent rocket launcher series is very popular with the "Arms For Animals" crowd who believe, among other things, that the right to bear arms should include actual bears... as long as they are pets of course. We can't have the deer and the ducks shooting back now can we.

kittygrrl · 11-10-2013, 11:17 AM

Janstevie · 06-19-2014, 12:30 PM

Did you hear about the guy who got run over by a steam train? He was chuffed to bits.

Kätzchen · 05-13-2017, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janstevie

can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead.

Your jokes are so soooooo funny, JanStevie!
Next time you're here, would you post a few more???
Please and Thank you!!

---K---

04-07-2024, 10:09 AM	#4
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, please. Relationship Status: Attached to my granddaughter and chosen family. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Northwest of Mt Hood ツ Posts: 16,071 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,888 Thanked 33,521 Times in 10,647 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	“If you were a vegetable you’d be a Cutecumber,” said a parent to their child. (I heard this last week while in line at the grocery store). __________________ “Leadership is not a title or a position. Leadership is action and example,” — Senator Corey Booker.

05-04-2025, 10:02 PM	#5
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, please. Relationship Status: Attached to my granddaughter and chosen family. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Northwest of Mt Hood ツ Posts: 16,071 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,888 Thanked 33,521 Times in 10,647 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	Last night’s episode of ‘news’ from SNL (lmao) I’ve been watching SNL since I was 16. And last night it was side splitting laughter, as they parsed jokingly this latest round of (…). Hope this lifts you up because it was just simply hilarious to watch their skits enjoy an evening of laughter.

05-30-2013, 09:01 PM	#6
Duchess Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Absolute Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Toe curling :-) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 2,382 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,792 Thanked 5,592 Times in 1,521 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	My lesbian neighbors bought me a Rolex for Christmas... I guess they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch. __________________ *無料のライブ*

10-08-2013, 09:22 AM	#12
Scots_On_The_Rocks Member How Do You Identify?: Genderqueer Butch Preferred Pronoun?: They, them, theirs Relationship Status: Owned by a few cats, Loved by one woman, and Looked up to by one child. Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: 47° 15' 31.4208'' N, 122° 27' 57.5028'' W Posts: 759 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 364 Thanked 1,092 Times in 386 Posts Rep Power: 19759002	Things I have said to my doc: "Round IS a shape so shut up!" "Yeah, about that exercise thing...you see my thighs would rub together creating friction that would catch my underwear on fire, and seeing how that would be considered as arson, insurance don't cover that, so no, I won't be exercising any time soon." __________________ Know that The Universe made you in perfection. And know that there are people out there who recognize this. -Me "Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark." ~ Henri Frederic Amiel

11-03-2013, 11:25 AM	#15
Cin Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Truly Madly Deeply Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: In My Head Posts: 2,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,333 Thanked 10,425 Times in 2,476 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	This pic just cracked me up and i just couldn't resist going for the long caption In an attempt to find new ways to keep guns in the hands of US citizens, various gun groups banned together to develop guns for pets. The tiny rodent rocket launcher series is very popular with the "Arms For Animals" crowd who believe, among other things, that the right to bear arms should include actual bears... as long as they are pets of course. We can't have the deer and the ducks shooting back now can we.

04-06-2013, 01:09 PM	#1
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity, i said no we all seem to enjoy it.

05-29-2013, 02:26 PM	#2
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out a distant location. The DEA officer verbally exploded, saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... on ANY land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear...... do you understand???" The rancher nodded politely, apoligised and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's enormous Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that the officer would be gruesomely gored before he reached safety. The man was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs..... "Your badge........ show him your BADGE!!! .

06-18-2013, 03:40 PM	#7
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that your ex-partner is really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

06-18-2013, 04:58 PM	#8
macele Member How Do You Identify?: a bold-assed maximus Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: mississippi Posts: 1,066 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,178 Thanked 3,231 Times in 847 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	there were these 3 rabbits. put, put put, and put put put. well put got sick. so put put and put put put took put to the doctor. o it was awful, put died. put put and put put put grieved some kind of terrible. not too long after put died, put put got sick. so put put put took put put to the doctor. put put put was hopping and screaming all over that clinic! and he told the doctor, "please doctor please! don't let put put die! i've already got one put in the grave!"

06-21-2013, 09:33 AM	#9
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	DO NOT READ THE NEXT SENTENCE. You little rebel. I like you.

06-21-2013, 10:50 AM	#10
AnnRkey Member How Do You Identify?: As Myself Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Unknown & Known Universe Posts: 226 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 406 Thanked 420 Times in 143 Posts Rep Power: 2875677	The fact that its bring your child to work day. Seeing as I have no kids, I found it quite entertaining myself and some older widow/spinster types are the only ones sitting doing work still instead of taking pics with Smokey the Bear, carrying Animal Balloons, and eating cake. LOL!

06-22-2013, 06:29 PM	#11
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I couldn't believe my dad had been stealing from his job as a road worker, although saying that, all the signs were there.

10-20-2013, 05:37 AM	#13
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I went down to my local supermarket and I said: "I want to make a complaint. This vinegar's got lumps in it". He said: "Those are pickled onions."

11-03-2013, 09:49 AM	#14
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead.

11-10-2013, 11:17 AM	#16
kittygrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: witchy Preferred Pronoun?: Fae Relationship Status: just for fun Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: near the wild mushrooms Posts: 9,382 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,598 Thanked 21,963 Times in 7,082 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	__________________ "MAKE AMERICA THINK AGAIN"

06-19-2014, 12:30 PM	#17
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Did you hear about the guy who got run over by a steam train? He was chuffed to bits.