New sex partner=new toys? Your opinion

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Daktari

...and still that value judgement of 'respect' is being correlated with buying new lumps of silicone for each sexual partner.

What is it about buying new that makes it respectful?
I assume ya'll buy new mattresses and new bedding for each new partner too right?

I've been thinking about why, why are we placing value on an item that we are purchasing to fuck with.


I feel and am guessing that this kind of mentality is engrained sexism, puritan like thinking attached to our attachments.

We don't get new breasts, new mouths, new vaginas, new houses, new towns when we begin to get intimate or have casual sex. There's an almost pushed upon thought of virtue placed upon the cock as if it's some kind of holy grail that is going to enter our bodies and that it should be pure and virginal just like the person who is gettting entered.

We all know it's not true, each time we are penetrated by a lover it's a new experience, new feeling it's not the cock that is invading our space it's a person be they spreading our legs wide open, throwing them over their shoulder or coming at you from behind. It's a person orchestrating each and every thrust, that's what we should be concentrating on.

The person who is thrusting a cock in you (general you) is the one who should have all the *values*, *ethics*, *morals* etc etc. If those things are a must to fuck then evaluate that before a piece of silicone that can be so easily replaced.

People not so much. I wonder if this thinking is talked about here more online because the dating pool is so small and if this is where you date then the 6 degrees of seperation could be a mind altering situation when one begins to think about fucking.

The constant reminder is visually there, be it the ex, posts, songs etc. Maybe that's why.

I don't run into this particular conversation outside of this forum.. Just a thought.

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I've been thinking about why, why are we placing value on an item that we are purchasing to fuck with.


I feel and am guessing that this kind of mentality is engrained sexism, puritan like thinking attached to our attachments.

We don't get new breasts, new mouths, new vaginas, new houses, new towns when we begin to get intimate or have casual sex. There's an almost pushed upon thought of virtue placed upon the cock as if it's some kind of holy grail that is going to enter our bodies and that it should be pure and virginal just like the person who is gettting entered.

We all know it's not true, each time we are penetrated by a lover it's a new experience, new feeling it's not the cock that is invading our space it's a person be they spreading our legs wide open, throwing them over their shoulder or coming at you from behind. It's a person orchestrating each and every thrust, that's what we should be concentrating on.

The person who is thrusting a cock in you (general you) is the one who should have all the *values*, *ethics*, *morals* etc etc. If those things are a must to fuck then evaluate that before a piece of silicone that can be so easily replaced.

People not so much. I wonder if this thinking is talked about here more online because the dating pool is so small and if this is where you date then the 6 degrees of seperation could be a mind altering situation when one begins to think about fucking.

The constant reminder is visually there, be it the ex, posts, songs etc. Maybe that's why.

I don't run into this particular conversation outside of this forum.. Just a thought.

It's not a conversation I've ever come across outside this internet forum either Snowy.

Not once have I come across a woman in my life who insisted I bought new silicone for her either. Far from it. Not one has even implied it. Whilst I did a lot of oat sowing along the way, like many of us, I found being uber open and honest about sex along with all the lovely stuffs around it, seems to engender trust and a level of respect from those women I personally seem to come across. Am I unusual in this? I doubt it.

The first lump of silicone I strapped most days, was given to me by a femme friend who had bought it because it was her 'ideal' cock to be used with her. Well, yasee, this was the first toob of bendy silicone fun that I actually 'bonded' with and I felt wanted to be considered a part of me. It was a new experience. Up to that point all my 'cocks' were actually just black silicone, non-realistic, dildos. All of which I still own. Can't have too many in the collection eh! It was this femme who eventually introduced Ex.Mrs.D and me.

'My Cock', the inanimate lump of silicone, then became instilled with my values and moral code because I chose to ascribe it such. I consider that lump of pinkish silicone (A different one than the original) to be part of my body, despite it's detachability. This includes the other detachable softy lump of silicone that gets attached in the morning. Just like putting on specs each day really. Or being able to take out a plate of teeth.

I know I'm just rehashing what many of us say about our lump of silicone being part of us. I guess what I want to so is...because I'm a respectful sorta person, so is my willy.

I'm enjoying thinking around the subject and hearing everyone's point of view, even when I don't agree with that pov.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Daktari

It's not a conversation I've ever come across outside this internet forum either Snowy.

Not once have I come across a woman in my life who insisted I bought new silicone for her either. Far from it. Not one has even implied it. Whilst I did a lot of oat sowing along the way, like many of us, I found being uber open and honest about sex along with all the lovely stuffs around it, seems to engender trust and a level of respect from those women I personally seem to come across. Am I unusual in this? I doubt it.

The first lump of silicone I strapped most days, was given to me by a femme friend who had bought it because it was her 'ideal' cock to be used with her. Well, yasee, this was the first toob of bendy silicone fun that I actually 'bonded' with and I felt wanted to be considered a part of me. It was a new experience. Up to that point all my 'cocks' were actually just black silicone, non-realistic, dildos. All of which I still own. Can't have too many in the collection eh! It was this femme who eventually introduced Ex.Mrs.D and me.

'My Cock', the inanimate lump of silicone, then became instilled with my values and moral code because I chose to ascribe it such. I consider that lump of pinkish silicone (A different one than the original) to be part of my body, despite it's detachability. This includes the other detachable softy lump of silicone that gets attached in the morning. Just like putting on specs each day really. Or being able to take out a plate of teeth.

I know I'm just rehashing what many of us say about our lump of silicone being part of us. I guess what I want to so is...because I'm a respectful sorta person, so is my willy.

I'm enjoying thinking around the subject and hearing everyone's point of view, even when I don't agree with that pov.

no. I never ran cross it. I only ever saw it on forums. Never with people I was ever with. not once. But like I said, me and the kind of people that do long term serial monogamy don't seem to cross paths in the bedroom much.

Ok, that's a lie. but it's on such a casual basis that they just don't ask who else I'm screwing - they know I am - and it's their decision to be there. And either they bring their own or they haven't got one and mine is fine.

[pinkgeek]

Originally Posted by Daktari

It's not a conversation I've ever come across outside this internet forum either Snowy..

Oh let us call a spade a shovel and put on our asbestos panties....apparently my filter is at the repair shop today..or perhaps closer to the truth is I've finally been offended by an internet conversation..

In a public person to person forum the likelihood a room of queers is going to tolerate slut shaming and the other unsaid crap from this thread is close to zero, in fact I'd bet on it being zero. The blatant moral attachments to having a new willy for reasons other than "It's Monday I feel like cock shopping!" would go down like a lead balloon.

People who are ashamed of sex (read: potentially even suffer from internalized homophobia) are not talking in a public person to person forum, they are at home on the internet. They aren't at a queer conference discussing or celebrating sex and gender.

The internet provides a lovely veil for those who have issues around sex to climb on a ladder and wave their cocky morals for applause.. Get on with your bad self, but my queer, fat, sex positive, loud mouth self is prepared to go tit to tit or cock to cock about why I disagree with placing moral value on an object or that you are somehow a more virtuous human than I.

So here's to being a slut. To having fun, enjoying sex, and not being ashamed that my cock or your cock has had action. Dirty, filthy, steamy, lewd, lascivious, brutal, sweet, muddy, strutting, amazing fucking action.

[imperfect_cupcake]

oh I dunno, I'm waving a bit of cocky morals myself, probably.

I don't think all of it is about slut shaming, though I think it probably has a slice of the pie.

I am more thinking it's about ownership. "our" cock (as a couple) rather than "my" or "their" cock as an individual.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

oh I dunno, I'm waving a bit of cocky morals myself, probably.

I don't think all of it is about slut shaming, though I think it probably has a slice of the pie.

I am more thinking it's about ownership. "our" cock (as a couple) rather than "my" or "their" cock as an individual.

I agree with this.

[Chancie]

Once an ex asked what I was cooking for dinner for a new beau, and

After I described it, she said,

You never cooked like that for me.

:Idownloadedanewrecipe:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

oh I dunno, I'm waving a bit of cocky morals myself, probably.

I don't think all of it is about slut shaming, though I think it probably has a slice of the pie.

I am more thinking it's about ownership. "our" cock (as a couple) rather than "my" or "their" cock as an individual.

My willy is mine. Not ours. Definitely not yours generic yours. How very dare you! generic you.


I'm so stoked that the fantastic, schexy, sluts, whores, gigolos and muddy tarts I know in real life and here are nigh on impossible to shame

[imperfect_cupcake]

Although this is not specifically about sex toys, it is about conceived ideas about sexuality and multiple partners... and I think this plays into all kinds of assumptions...
I'm dating right now, and the comments I am getting from many have been *SPECTACULAR* at times. Needless to say I don't sleep with those people but my jaw has been dropped on a couple of occasions, by... just gobsmacking ideas around sex and numbers.

So there's a book, a quick review of it and how this still applies even to queers, policing each other's sexuality, when cismen aren't around to do it for us. And how it feels to be a femme, dating in the middle of all that judgement when people are unaware that they are even doing it.

I may not cave in to slut-shaming, but you know what? It fucking stings some times. And it does hurt. It means I'm invisible as a person. I'm just a set of dirty big tits stereotype sitting across from you at dinner. Fuck having an individual personality, I'm just someone that screws people indiscriminately. Just last week a gal said to me "well, I'm picky."
Right. And I just touch any ol rag and rub it against my cunt? I have standards too actually, I just don't need them to involve "someone I want to build a relationship with" so I don't need them to be into some of the same stuff I would need to have if I wanted a relationship with them, ffs. But I'll tell you what, my standards are such that frankly I ain't going to be fucking you, that's for sure!

If anyone wants to read it, it's
located right here in this underlined link (or in my signature)

I think that ideas around these things, especially in our own communities should be challenged. I had a andgorenous lesbian only slightly older than me, who was very eco friendly and into burlesque as an art and all this kind of stuff... when I asked if she wanted femmes why didn't she put it on her dating profile... she said "cause I thought I'd just get shallow, fluffy girls. But I'm not sure why."
My jaw dropped open. I asked what she thought that meant about her assumptions about femininity and highly feminine women and their relative intelligence.

fuck. me. sometimes, y'know?

I'm sure I say just as stupid assumptive shit and I hope to fuck people call me on it...

[Amante]

For ME:

New partner (casual or serious relationship) who has a removable cock that is an integral part of his/her identity: No way, that would be like someone saying to me that I needed to get new breasts, and to my definition of things shouldn't even be in the same discussion as "toys." Getting a new cock for a cock-centric butch or transguy is part of who they are and not my business if it's new or not.

New partner in a casual affair that's not likely or uncertain to last: No way, because it would be just too damned expensive and impractical.

New partner in a potentially long-term relationship for whom they are TOYS and not an integral part of his/her identity: Once the relationship got serious, I'd prefer to buy new toys, just like I'd prefer to buy some new sheets, a new dress for a special occasion instead of the one I wore for many previous special occasions with my ex, etc. If I can afford to replace certain things that were an intimate part of previous relationship, even if they're still perfectly functional, then I'm going to! Did I ditch all my old sheets? Oh hell no (though I made sure to keep the best ones!) But do I enjoy knowing that the sheets I'm putting on are new or have never been fucked on by anyone other than me and her? Absolutely. There's no moral implication to it - it's a preference, period. And an excuse to get some exciting new things.

[imperfect_cupcake]

you ain't kiddin. I've got a date from Seattle coming up for a few days (which is lovely. Everyone always expects me to come to them. Er... intensified school program?? I can't go *anywhere* for the next year and a half except between terms! I haven't even seen my own mom in a month and she only lives an hour from me!) and her best mate knows my soon to be ex wife. One of my exes in London that I lived with wound up being a close friend of an ex-fling of mine in san fran... jeeeeezzzzusss. Seven lesbians in the world and the rest is done with mirrors
The globe be TINY.

I did write something earlier about concepts of purity.

And my guess is that straight girls would LOVE to tell men to change their cocks from their last gf.

But we did fight for a very long time to have the right NOT to be a virgin before marriage, to not have that "purity" be "spoiled"... no penis can so unalterably change our vagina that we can never become proper lesbians, nor make it impossible to have new and wonderful sex with someone else, after someone else has been there.

That said, I do get a large percentage of my long term partners making cracks about how many people I've slept with. Most of the time, I'll admit it's funny. But when it's mixed in with insecurity about how they compare, it gets kinda deadly. And they start getting mean. And asking a lot of questions about how they compare.
Imagine of someone, right after having sex said "is my ass fat?"
"no."
"no really, is my ass fat"
"no."
"it's ok, if my ass is fat, cause it's ok to tell me."
"your ass is not fat"
"I mean I'd totally understand if you thought it was."
"it's not"
"If my ass was fat would you tell me?"
"jesus wept, would you shut the fuck up?"

after every time you had sex? it would drive you nuts, right? Same goes with the insecurity around sex. And people get very insecure about it. And take that out on other people/inanimate objects.

It honestly doesn't occur to me that other people are thinking about their exes when screwing me. I don't. so why would they. I am, however, reminded that people project a hell of a lot. And that when people fear judgement from others, it's USUALLY because they are doing a lot of judging themselves.

So I know that if someone is worried about me associating ___ with my ex (or one of the unwashed many before hahaha) then more than likely, they are actually thinking about their own. Or have been with others. Or when they wank. That's a big cluedo for me.

I've done it, right after a break up. When still reeling and trying to get my bearings and trying to get my self back. It happens. But it had nothing to do with who's willy they wore, in fact the last person that happened with, it was in their bed, with their toys, in a different city. I was just unable to comprehend it wasn't my wife, quite suddenly. And the poor sod, I started crying.

but she distracted me with a story,calmed me down, then got back on the horse (so to speak) and the second attempt, the eagle landed. So knew what I was upset about. She also had enough empathy to understand how hard it was for me, her being the first person after my wife left.

She was not jealous. She did not mind I struggled but really wanted to be there. My desire for her was enough.

it didn't matter who's cock it was. And personally I think if they other person fears an ex present on some genitals, that ex is in the room already, watching.

but I suppose concepts of purity also has something to do with it. Lots of men don't want "sloppy seconds" from a girl who has just broken with her boyfriend. Hetero gals I know would love to change his dick cause they want a pure cock that is their alone.

So it's also concepts of ownership. People don't want to own some used genitals. They want fresh, pure ones that are fresh from the store and theirs alone.

so, yeah, ownership. This dick is "ours".

Vs this dick is "Mine."

concepts such as that. my pussy is mine. anything anyone brings to the table is theirs. I don't want to own it. I mean, if we are monogamous then I would be very happy if they didn't put their hands, face, clit, dick in anyone else's vagina, but I certainly don't own them. I don't own their detachables either. If they are bought during the relationship, I'll probably take it haha

I did, however get really fucked off at the thought of my wife fucking around on me with that dick. so I made sure that particular item was not ever able to be inserted anywhere ever again. So, I can succumb to ownership myself, at highly emotional and stressful times.