The Femme Continuum: The "Highs" and "Lows" of Visibility

[julieisafemme]

I don't experience the femme's post about being that I shut up. I DO experience invisibility as a femme but more in a queer context than in the straight world. So I am a QWF as referred to in the post but am I *the* QWF? What I mean by this is her post a personal attack on ME? There are any number of things I run across on FB or comments on articles that super piss me off. Do I need to take on each comment as a personal attack on me or can I think about what they are saying, check myself and then adjust my attitude. I am sure I could post some rants about crap I have experienced and have people think wow that is about me! Maybe and maybe not. If it is about me ok so then what? I can personalize it or adjust my attitude or say no. I can still have my feelings.

My understanding of gender identities in POC communities is that they are very different than in white communities. What is missing from the femme's post is what her experience is. We are having a separate conversation here with no input from the original source.

Ok I am very clueless a good portion of the time. People have said the picture with the post disturbing. Why? What about it is upsetting? This is an honest and genuine question.

[Kätzchen]

Originally Posted by julieisafemme

What is missing from the femme's post is what her experience is. We are having a separate conversation here with no input from the original source.

Hi Julie,

I excerpted a portion of your post that I feel deserves specific attention: In other words, I think your observation carries significant importance in that 1) we don't know the original author, who created the picture which takes on the idea that "Invisibility = Privilege" and, 2) although I cannot speak for FemmeInterrupted, what I took from her post was that she found that picture on Pinterest and found a way to bring that specific issue/topic into the larger discussion, so that 3) the discussion might be revitalized by examining aspects of privilege in connection to Femme Invisibility as experienced by people of color who identify as Femme.

May I suggest that even though we don't know technical aspects about the original author's identity, what we do know is that the picture depicts the opinion of a person who identifies as an Afro-Latina Femme Dyke.

In my opinion, the Afro-Latina Femme Dyke states that her experience is widely different than the experience of an Queer White Femme; in that she says she is "sick of QWFs [failure] to recognise that [their] "invisibility" entitles them to more privilege and forms of safety than femmes of color could ever dream of having access to" (reference: see photo first submitted in Post #205, dated 02-24-2013, in this forum thread).

I believe the original author's statement is a valid experience (even though the original author may or may not be a member in this community).

PS/ I too express my appreciation for femmes in our online community who share their experience in life as it pertains to femme invisibility: the 'highs and lows' that are a part of this particular phenomena we femmes experience in our day-to-day lives.

[imperfect_cupcake]

In my opinion, the Afro-Latina Femme Dyke's states that her experience is widely different than the experience of an Queer White Femme; in that she says she is "sick of QWFs [failure] to recognise that [their] "invisibility" entitles them to more privilege and forms of safety than femmes of color could ever dream of having access to" (reference: see photo first submitted in Post #205, dated 02-24-2013, in this forum thread).

ohhhh. see I didn't read that. but of course, that makes sense.
well, of course I get more safety than femmes of colour... when I'm seen as just a straight white woman, and they are seen as just a straight woman of colour, of course I have more privileges. I'm white and that's the dominant culture where I am. So of course she has to deal with way more bullshit and unsafety than I do.

Of course a femme of colour's experience is compounded with racism. Of course it makes things more unsafe, jesus.

Still doesn't negate the dangerous sexist bullshit I have to deal with as an invisible white femme.

I'm afraid I'm still shrugging that she's annoyed with hearing white femmes talk about their problems. Be annoyed, then. If I shut up about that, then jesus, most of the stuff I deal with here, in canada, and not the Congo? Or in Myanmar??? we should all shut the fuck up. I have a roof over my head, I can pay my bills, I can EAT. I have heating. I'm not being shot at or tortured. wtf is femme invisibility in comparison to that, eh?

I also know that when I could not pay my bills, I had £10 a week to live on for two people for food and transport... my lesbian issues weren't exactly on the top of my list. and I had no time to contemplate those things.

first world problem.

so...

and?

I don't know what else to say about it. My life is fucking good in this town. I don't have to worry about being homeless anymore, I don't have to worry about being completely alone with no family, no friends, no citizenship, no visa, working under the table in sex work and hoping no one rats me out.

Life is pretty bloody good now and I really have no right to bitch about these things that I do. Oh no, I don't have enough money to buy clothes this year. Oh well.
Oh shit, I have only enough money for one zone transport and I have to cycle everywhere else (I am lucky enough to have a bike). Oh well.

Oh no, I can't hang with the dykes in my neighbourhood cause they are all assholes about my presentation. Well, I have my old mates living within walking distance from where I life and they love me. that's more than I had before. so boo fucking hoo.

Still, I do like a good moan now and again. But I am under no misconceptions that life is way WAY harder outside of this little present bubble and I'm utterly grateful for it. And I'm mindful that the people I left behind in their level of poverty? can't leave to go home. they *are* home. That goes through my head about every other day. They don't have what I do. I am incredibly aware of that.

I'm not ranting at you K.

I'm just flapping my text gums. So should I just shut up and not type at all about any of my problems because I know that other people have it way the fuck harder than I do right now? Probably.
I just bought a pair of gold-pink glam stilettos for $8 at a massive shoe sale. Life really isn't that bad for me, even if I don't have a lesbian or queer community right now.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by julieisafemme

I don't experience the femme's post about being that I shut up. I DO experience invisibility as a femme but more in a queer context than in the straight world. So I am a QWF as referred to in the post but am I *the* QWF? What I mean by this is her post a personal attack on ME? There are any number of things I run across on FB or comments on articles that super piss me off. Do I need to take on each comment as a personal attack on me or can I think about what they are saying, check myself and then adjust my attitude. I am sure I could post some rants about crap I have experienced and have people think wow that is about me! Maybe and maybe not. If it is about me ok so then what? I can personalize it or adjust my attitude or say no. I can still have my feelings.

well fair enough. she might not have ment "if I hear one more..." as not shutting the hell up. She's annoyed and giving voice to how she feels. it's the internet. If no one spoke up it would be a bloody dull place with no info on it, hey?

I'm giving a some text blab to how I feel. And I'm open to being given a word, that's fine too. I'm a blabby type that has an open stream of words that come out of my brain and into text and I process stuff by externalising it. I'm an extrovert. I'm about to have a piece of cheese and get back to study. I'm not twisted into a pretzle. I was annoyed, now that I've emptied my knickers out everywhere, I'm fine.

of course she has every right to say what she thinks and feels about her experience. She also has every right to say "I wish QWFs would all take a cumulative leap off a bridge" if she wants. Up to her. but then I'm used to hearing people tell me "for the love of god Babs, shut up before I shove my fist up your ass!" and I am usually pretty ok with that too