Click.... when we knew we were feminists

[femmeInterrupted]

It is December, 1989. The Montreal Massacre is all over the news. I am watching in the family room, surrounded by my Father, and 4 brothers. I am 20 years old, and devastated by what I am watching on television. I remember my reaction because it was visceral. It was one of the first times I remember crying with outrage and grief, shock, fear...and anger. My father told me (in front of my brothers) that I was being ridiculous and that 'People died every day'. No biggie.

That experience has stayed with me, to this day.

I have been so lucky and privileged to have had (and have) feminist mentors in my life, which spans and is integrated professionally and personally. My consciousness raising came when I began to study in depth, violence against women, feminism, and 'women's issues'. I recall being overwhelmed with a sense of relief and home-coming, as I listened to these brilliant women, Professors, grass-roots activists, feminists, giving voice and language to issues and realities that had previously only swirled around in my mind, a loosely threaded galaxy of feelings and 'wrongness' that was best articulated and explained in language I had a) never learned despite my education and b) herstory I had never learned despite said education.

My 'clicks' continue to happen as I move through this world. The anti-oppression work, of which my feminism is deeply integrated continues. It's a part of who I am, and how I see the world, how I deconstruct and interpret everything that flows past and through me experientially.

It has lead me to the experience the true joy of sisterhood, the true joy of belonging, the solid and affirming joy of friendship and sisterhood with women.

Despite the ugly harsh reality of women's lived realities, I find emotional and intellectual and political sustenance from threads like this, when I get to read what my sisters are sharing, about their own feminism, their own stories and experiences. The learning and difficult places in my self I've sat through when unlearning. Being the youngest in a circle of crones, I've had my ass handed to me, albeit it respectfully and with grace, a number of times I believe that 'you don't know what you don't know', but I also believe in the responsibility that comes with knowledge once it's yours.

I offer out an appreciation to all my feminist sisters! You all rock!


And when the sun rises we are afraid
it might not remain
when the sun sets we are afraid
it might not rise in the morning
when our stomachs are full we are afraid
of indigestion
when our stomachs are empty we are afraid
we may never eat again
when we are loved we are afraid
love will vanish
when we are alone we are afraid
love will never return
and when we speak we are afraid
our words will not be heard
nor welcomed
but when we are silent
we are still afraid

So it is better to speak
remembering
we were never meant to survive


Audre Lorde

[imperfect_cupcake]

My parents brought me up socialist and feminist but I had no idea, really.
when it was concrete, it was, like femmeinterupted, at the Montreal Massacre. I was 20.

However, when I went lezzo, and i went to uni on Vancouver Island I met a bunch of lesbian separatists (who, as people were lovely) and moved in with them. And then the trouble started. I didn't really understand what kind of feminist politics they had. They were more of the Andrea Dworkin sort. And I'm not completely knocking Dworkin, she spoke about educating against rape and making MEN responsible about educating THEMSELVES long before anyone else did.
I did an action against a rapist of a friend of mine, because of one of her papers. We got a group, a big group of women together, and my friend who he had raped invited him to a busy restaurant. We placed the women around the restaurant and when he arrived and slid into the booth, we all stood up, about 15 of us, made a semi circle around him, and called him publically, named and shamed, each one of us, to what he did. My friend stood safely behind us. The waitress called the cops. He was terrified and freaked out. It was fantastic. He then tried to sue for slander and it didn't stick. which, of course, made his rapist ass even more public.

But man, some of Dwarkin's shit was whack and really oppressive of other women.

When I moved in with those women, I started to think "oh. maybe I'm not a feminist. I don't believe those things at ALL."
Then I decided to take femminist application courses, into the social and biological science courses I was taking. Those have been, to date, the hardest courses I have ever taken.

And it showed me I was indeed a feminist, just one that didn't believe the same things that the lesbians I lived with believed. I moved out as I felt pretty squashed and judged living there. I though all lesbians and feminists, especially those who weren't butch-femme were like that. And in the end, they got pretty mean. But once I started traveling and meeting lots of dykes, queers and bisexuals in different cities and different countries, and learning about the sex wars - I realised I could actually a) call myself a lesbian, I was allowed to and b) call myself a feminist, I was allowed to.

I still do have fights with people about porn and sex work and feminism. There is a massive difference between Independant workers, who work for themselves, set their own wages, their own hours and their own services and those being trafficked.

I personally like being objectified sexually - IF I GIVE MY CONSENT FIRST - to people I am attracted to. it's hawwwwwt! woof.
And I personally don't mind being objectified - if I give my consent first - within the boundaries of paid work. And ONLY during that set time. And there are a LOT of super hard, bitch-enforced rules about what does and does not happen. And someone breaks that rule? GONE. No negotiating, no apologies, no nada. Gone.
Working as a sex worker has done Mad Skillz Development for my ability to say "fuck right off, and keep fucking off" (aka "No") and stand up for myself against pre-programming as a polite and obedient girl that has to make sure everyone is ok. It has helped no end to my own personal issues of care taking (that is an issue with many women - you have to be needless and wantless and care for everything if it's sad or hurt or tired and screw your own needs).

Now I don't care if someone is blubbing a river and has their intestines on the floor, if you pass over one of my lines, you are gone.

And it has stopped my fear of men. I used to be terrified of them in a bar if they hit on me. Now I know that they bluff charge and being sincerely unafraid and knowing that I'm capable of kicking their ass and facing them down gives me more confidence. That confidence has helped me keep the idiots away. I no longer have that big whirling red light attracting idiots to me.

I hate how programmed girls are to be so submissive, polite and above all, don't be rude. Most of my issues with men have been because although my parents were for women's rights, my mom still has her programming and above all else, I had to suck it up and be polite. No matter what. Do not shame yourself by being rude.

That's what got me in so much trouble.

it's ok to be rude. it's absolutely ok, as a girl, to offend. it's totally ok to have someone get angry, be upset, and be hurt or offended by something I've said or done. it's also not my responsibility to look after them if they are. I am not going to be branded as a scarlet hussy and the universe will not implode.

just someone is offended. that's it. And that's absolutely ok.

I love feminism.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Don't forget about the Feminist Porn Awards in Toronto!!

here's an article on Feminist Porn:
5 Ways to Ensure That Your Porn is Ethically Feminist

[Tuff Stuff]

My culture felt very anti-woman/girl to me...I could not be me..at the tender age of 5 my wanna be little boyfriend (and quite possibly my future husband) brought me some flowers once and I threw them on the ground and laughed at him...I was his first love,made him cry a lot of times *shrugs*.
I knew I was not and never would be the girly girl others wanted me to be,and I made sure of that...I fell in love with women of all ages,body types and skin colors..I loved them all..pretty much feel the same way today.

I usually get along well with most feminist...except maybe the extreme ones...they think i'm too manly.