broken hearts

[Queenie]

Seven years ago, I had my heart broken so badly I thought I was going to die. Hy did such a number on me that it took me months to come back to the land of living. I think what hurt me the most was, I found out hy was a player with a capital P! There is a part of my heart that will always be broken from what hy did to me.

The funny thing is, a year after almost to the day, I got an email from the dude I am now married to wanting to know what my user name meant. I so wasn't looking for love or even a hook-up. We started to talk and before I knew it, I had let him into my heart.

Love and heart ache are just an odd thing! They really do go hand and hand. If you are in that dark place we all go to when our hearts are broken, just take it easy! And know that the pain will slowly melt in time and you will become a stronger person at the end of it all. It might not happen over night, but it will!

Oh I hope none of that sounded overly cheesy or mushy...

[chris1life]

Originally Posted by Queenie

Oh I hope none of that sounded overly cheesy or mushy...

Thank u for That. No to me it sounds truthful and promising.
Yea right now I think I'm on auto pilot. If I'm honest with myself I knew what was going on but didn't want to believe it. Its strange how u can close your eyes stick Your head in the sand and pretend stuff isn't happening. I will say this though I am in NO WAY perfect LOL. I know this is completely off thread but is it normal to lay in bed at night after a break up and think. Holy shit I'm going to have to eventually have sex with someone new and let them see me naked. Ha yea my emotions are all over the page

[VintageFemme]

I have been single for over five years ... for some it just takes longer than others. We live, we learn, sometimes we break a little, then we heal and finally... we live again. It's just what we do.

Love.

[ruby_woo]

Originally Posted by chris1life

I know this is completely off thread but is it normal to lay in bed at night after a break up and think. Holy shit I'm going to have to eventually have sex with someone new and let them see me naked. Ha yea my emotions are all over the page

It's not off thread! I think it's totally normal. When my 8 year relationship broke up about a year and half ago, I definitely had a "Holy crap, how am I going to sleep with someone else?" moment. But then I did just that a few months later, soo...lol. It just takes time, right?

Anyway, I'm sorry you're hurting. The break-up of a long-term relationship is always painful and shocking, even if you kind of saw it coming. Not going to lie, it will probably suck for the next little bit, but then I promise it will get much better.

[Novelafemme]

Originally Posted by chris1life

Thank u for That. No to me it sounds truthful and promising.
Yea right now I think I'm on auto pilot. If I'm honest with myself I knew what was going on but didn't want to believe it. Its strange how u can close your eyes stick Your head in the sand and pretend stuff isn't happening. I will say this though I am in NO WAY perfect LOL. I know this is completely off thread but is it normal to lay in bed at night after a break up and think. Holy shit I'm going to have to eventually have sex with someone new and let them see me naked. Ha yea my emotions are all over the page

I, like Ruby, remember thinking the same thing when my 15 year marriage came to an end. Like, OH MY GOD!!! Someone is going to see me NAKED one day? Like, ALL OF ME? Naked? I think I then had a panic attack and the world exploded.

I have since then been naked in front of others and while I did hear a crack in the surface, the earth seems to be fairly intact.

[Novelafemme]

I just got received this email from my Rumi quote of the day and thought it to be perfect for this thread.

"The chemistry of mind is different from the chemistry of love. The mind is careful, suspicious, he advances little by little. He advices “Be careful, protect yourself” Whereas love says “Let yourself, go!” The mind is strong, never fells down, while love hurts itself, fells into ruins. But isn’t it in ruins that we mostly find the treasures? A broken heart hides so many treasures."

~ Shams Tabrizi ♥♥♥

[chris1life]

Y'all definitely make me feel much. Its good to laugh and y'all did do just that. LOL I could just see me now alone with a nice femme she gets udressed I freak out and have a heart attack. I think that Would put a damper on our fun. My body has dang sure changed since I was 23.

[chris1life]

I love that

Originally Posted by Novelafemme

I just got received this email from my Rumi quote of the day and thought it to be perfect for this thread.

"The chemistry of mind is different from the chemistry of love. The mind is careful, suspicious, he advances little by little. He advices “Be careful, protect yourself” Whereas love says “Let yourself, go!” The mind is strong, never fells down, while love hurts itself, fells into ruins. But isn’t it in ruins that we mostly find the treasures? A broken heart hides so many treasures."

~ Shams Tabrizi ♥♥♥

[imperfect_cupcake]

my heart was shattered 18 months ago, then a few months into it, my heart started to slushily damaged beat for someone and that got stomped. So presently it really doesn't honestly work. I have dated, very casually, slept with a few people and I'm not looking to get attached. it's nice having company, sex and a laugh and being responsible for no one, not having to think about anyone else. I hated it at first, but in the last two months I've really blossomed into it and love my complete independence of thought and action.
My heart is still very broken. I don't trust people with commitment - ESPECIALLY if they chase me hard. And people that start blathering on about romantic stuff way too quickly, sets my alarm bells off.
Not that I think they are nuts, but I have done this sooooo many times. Given in to a hard chase. I've learned my lesson.
One day, I'll learn to love someone, some one who goes slow and casually.
I don't want to fall in love anymore, and I don't mean that in a sad or bitter way. I mean that in a sincere, honest, happy way. I want slow growth, not a quick fall.

And if I don't ever have another romantic relationship? that's ok. I'm fine with the friends with benefits, sex pizza booty calls, the odd casual date and my friends. Now that the pain is more distant, I'm still mourning the loss of something I thought was worthwhile, but in a deeper, quieter way. There is layers to this grief.

the divorce will be final in 3 weeks. She's with someone and I'm watching someone else fall in love for the second time after me. I'm starting to feel resilient. I'm starting to understand who *I* am in context to just me. still broken hearted, but I think I know better now, I think (HOPE) I've learned the value of my strengths and that it's ok to have better boundaries and to not let people push me. And when people call me a cold bitch, I think "I see you, mother fucker. I see your manipulation tactics. I see your little temper tantrum. No way. You've just shown your hand"
and I don't take it on.

Broken hearts teach. I've been non-functionally devastated, depressed, seethingly angry, self-reviling, hateful, hurt, crying, I lost 3 dress sizes from not eating....

but the best best best advice given to me by another woman who lost her wife was "find something, anything, just for you. something that means something just for you. take archery. go back to school. go to cambodia. something, anything you've always wanted to do. take it. that's the start."

And I keep doing that. It works.

and having a saturday night guest every once in a while helps. not much talking. just sushi, some laughs and sex. I completely prescribe that one too! I don't do it often as it's not easy to find people who want something that casual (they aren't common) whom I also enjoy as a person (not everyone in that rare group is going to match up with my personality!). But I strongly suggest it!

[Heavenleahangel]

Originally Posted by chris1life

Y'all definitely make me feel much. Its good to laugh and y'all did do just that. LOL I could just see me now alone with a nice femme she gets udressed I freak out and have a heart attack. I think that Would put a damper on our fun. My body has dang sure changed since I was 23.

Just remember one thing, Chris, when you start "freaking out" about getting undressed, the femme is probably nervous, too! As for the heart attack, let's hope she has had medical training to bring you back from the brink of death! *That* will be a memorable moment to tell your buddies....

[chris1life]

Sounds good I'll put out an add
"Femme needed for fun, company while eating sushi, and please rip my clothes off Because I may be gripping them out of fear and when you take your clothes off and I stand there staring and blushing Please be advised I may be having a heart attack. Please see the CPR manual I've left for you on the night stand" Well that's not exactly confident butch swagger. I guess I could add if I don't drop dead on ya I can be lots of fun...well someone ripping my clothes off could b fun! !! All kidding aside y'all thanks. People in my circle of friends are trying to give me the "fuck her you are better off speech " "you can do better" yea I know all of this but today I just want to get by. My day has definitely gotten better! I'm just kind of numb which honestly I'm thankful for.

[femm_cb]

Chris - I am so sorry you are heart broken right now. Take this time to grieve the loss of your marriage. 11 years is a long time to be with someone and it's not an easy process to get over.

My thoughts are with you friend.

[chris1life]

Survived a Friday night without her. I carried on like I would any Friday night. I went to some friends house cooked out laughed and appeared fine. My friends were in shock that I wasn't laying in the floor crying. What They don't know is I felt like I couldn't breath. I felt lonely even though I wasn't alone. I'm so used to her holding my hand she was real touchy feely so all night I felt like something was missing. Every Damn thing reminds me of her. It pisses me off that she can go on a trip with her boyfriend and not think twice about me when all I can think about is her. Then sends me a text "you could be here too" hell no I can't. I understand that there are plenty of people that has open relationships but I'm not one of them. I'm not sharing it Would b different if we had agreed to see other people or have always brought other people to our bed but we haven't. She used the excuse people aren't made to be With just one person well I guess I'm real messed up because I havent cheated and haven't wanted to. If I have to bend who and what I am to be with her I would rather be without

[Beloved]

I'm so sorry. It gets better. I know that is cliche but it really does. Take extra good care of yourself. See friends, don't isolate yourself. Every day will get slightly better than the last...and you might feel fine for awhile and it will hit you again. Just remember it's temporary and you will heal.

[Heavenleahangel]

Originally Posted by chris1life

Survived a Friday night without her. I carried on like I would any Friday night. I went to some friends house cooked out laughed and appeared fine. My friends were in shock that I wasn't laying in the floor crying. What They don't know is I felt like I couldn't breath. I felt lonely even though I wasn't alone. I'm so used to her holding my hand she was real touchy feely so all night I felt like something was missing. Every Damn thing reminds me of her. It pisses me off that she can go on a trip with her boyfriend and not think twice about me when all I can think about is her. Then sends me a text "you could be here too" hell no I can't. I understand that there are plenty of people that has open relationships but I'm not one of them. I'm not sharing it Would b different if we had agreed to see other people or have always brought other people to our bed but we haven't. She used the excuse people aren't made to be With just one person well I guess I'm real messed up because I havent cheated and haven't wanted to. If I have to bend who and what I am to be with her I would rather be without

Good Morning, Chris; If you are "real messed up" cuz you believe in monogamy and don't wanna share, then move over cuz I'm climbing in the boat with you!!! You're not alone in the feelings you have. I hope today is brighter and better than yesterday. {{{hugs}}}

[chris1life]

Originally Posted by Heavenleahangel

Good Morning, Chris; If you are "real messed up" cuz you believe in monogamy and don't wanna share, then move over cuz I'm climbing in the boat with you!!! You're not alone in the feelings you have. I hope today is brighter and better than yesterday. {{{hugs}}}

Oh yea I think today is going to be good. Headed to the river jets skiing always makes me smile! Thankful I'm not the only one that believes in monogamy I thought for a minute Maybe I'd missed something over the years. I'm a little old school as far as that goes. I'll get over her no doubt but I know its going to be rough. Glad I can come here to vent after years of being with her all our friends are that OUR friends and while I am angry and hurt I don't want to talk to them about her. I don't want to add to the drama of a break up with drawing a line in the sand With them. She isn't a bad person just finding her way

[tygr_grrl]

I know we made the grown-up, mutual decision months ago to end it….
months, maybe even a year or more after the actual realization,
after building sufficient courage to admit it to one another…
That this undefined, uncharted journey we share
Was just too painful and raw to continue,
the same obstacles tripping us up, blocking our path.
And we weren’t giving each other what we needed.
I wasn’t giving you my best, and I know
I deserve more than what you could offer.

My mind knows this undeniably to be reality.
My heart reluctantly acknowledges this,
though still smolders
in the ashes from our love’s bright and passionate flame.
Even still, it beats steady, holds true for you.

My body hasn’t accepted the loss yet, cannot even fully comprehend
The absence of your touch
My body still hungrily cries out for you,
Your invisible fingerprints traces still ghostdancing upon my flesh,
Revealing that sacred map of our dance, our song, our quest, our love.
Confounded and hurt by your silence,
that overwhelming cloak of dark emptiness that shrouds me.

My soul, once shattered by the broken dreams of a future together,
Slowly rebuilding strength and courage in the knowledge now that
I am capable
Of loving and being loved,
And not completely destroyed by the grief and loss of it.
But stronger because of it.
And only you could show me that.

For that, I am so very grateful.

[chris1life]

I woke up this morning with my heart aching. I've kept myself busy and stayed in the gym trying to ease my mind. This morning was different I hurt. I've gone on dates they don't do anything for me. Everyone I meet I compare to you they don't come close. 12 years of being with and looking at one woman only and now its over. How am I supposed to look at someone else.
I hurt my heart feels like I need to reach in and pull it out to stop this growing ache. I find myself wanting to scream to a God my frustrations. Yes I will eventually find someone else but why do I Have to. I loved her. I stood in front of friends, family and a God I was unsure of to pledge myself, give my vows to one woman forever. I meant it with all of my heart. I stayed through good and bad times. I brought flowers cut grass, cleaned house, took her on trips, worked hard and never cheated. I'm not perfect but there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her in life or in the bedroom. She took all I had to give and It still wasn't enough.
I always thought I knew her. How am I supposed to love someone else? The anger creeps in and I feel like a different person than I was two weeks ago. Half of my soul feels ripped apart. I cry then I'm pissed that I'm wasting tears. I promised my heart to her. I guess that doesn't mean a damn thing to anyone anymore. I was so in love. For me hadn't faded I loved her as much or more than the first days of our love. I suppose I should have been an ass to her and she would have been crazy in love. She takes with her my every secret And my every desire. I was 22 When we met for me it was love at first sight. She watched and saw all of the struggles I went through and She takes my past with her.
I suppose I should be thankful for what we had but right now I'm not and can't. I wish I'd never trusted someone with my everything. I wish I'd never fell in love. I'm not thankful for what we had Because if I had never had it I wouldn't hurt so damn much. My kids are torn up about it so not only am I struggling with my shattered heart I'm helping them through. I can't have my breakdown and I have to stay strong for them but I'm running on empty.
I know I should want her happy if I really love her and be Happy it wasn't ten years from now but I'm a selfish person right now. I don't want her happy and I don't care that she is finding herself. Hell I was happy I had found myself but she wasn't happy with that. So today I'm here alone this gaping hole in my chest, angry and heart broken. I refuse to answer her text asking how I am. How does she think I am? Does she think its changed from 2 days ago?? My body aches for her touch the way she smelled and tasted.