What Made You Cry Today?

starryeyes · 05-26-2013, 01:21 PM

I cried today. Ugly cried....

I was, again, not invited to an outing with my sister, niece, nephew and mom. They are all hanging out at the Strawberry Festival in Vista, about 15 minutes from my house having a grand ol' time. And, again, I found out on Facebook

I called my mom, and she confirmed she was with my niece and nephew in the kid zone watching them play. I started getting upset and crying and asked why I wasn't invited? She said they both decided to go last minute, and just "forgot" to ask, but I should come now that I know about it.

hmm... really? Because I wasn't invited. I feel like the only reason they want me to come is because I was upset. It's a shitty feeling. I feel like ever since coming out, I have lost my family. Its sucks. I had an ugly cry... unfortunately, right when Justin was leaving for a memorial service, so I had to ugly cry alone.

My sister texts me, asking me not to be mad, they just planned it last minute... I text her back saying, "I am not mad, I am very, very sad. I feel always left out, excluded and I feel like I have lost my family" I get a text back from her saying "i feel like I have lost my sister... I haven't been around... i haven't been to my niece's soccer games.. and so on"

My sister lives an hour North of me. The soccer games start at 8am. I am not a morning person. Yes, this is not a good excuse, but it is the truth. And, Justin has NEVER been invited, only me. So it's a sucky situation.

What she doesn't realize is, and can't possibly understand, is the hurt one feels when their other-half is not acknowledged (which is the root of all this). My sister and family did not meet Justin until 2 years into our relationship. When I am invited (on the rare occasion) Justin is not. We were not invited to Thanksgiving or Easter. My family lives in Carlsbad, which is only 15 from me. This hurts.

I have some responsibility in it. I have a lot of issues and insecurities about coming out to my family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins). My father came out as Gay (well, was outted) when I was about 13. I had to listen to my family make horrible remarks about him and calling him Faggot. He and his partner were always the butt of the family jokes. My dad is no saint, and his partner is horrific so they deserved some of it, but not because they are gay... because they are jerks. There is a difference.

Anyways, because I hold these memories, I get insecure. I wish I could just "show up" for the family Thanksgiving with Justin without an invite and say "Here I am!! Like it our not, you can't shun us!!!" but I don't have that confidence, and I start sweating even thinking about it.

Now, I am out on Facebook. I post pictures of us. I have a "relationship status" so I know they know. This was my way of "coming out" without having to announce it in the middle of Christmas dinner. I did not know any other way to do it that I was comfortable with. Still, no one has said anything to me, asked me about it, or acknowledged it.

Anyways... I'm going in a million different directions with this post. I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. This is what happens when one had ADD and is upset at the same time.. lol.

My sister texted me and asked me if we could go out to lunch to talk. She is picking me up in an hour. I know its going to be an ugly cry talk, but at least I can get some stuff off my chest and maybe we can get on the same page. I miss her and my family. I just want them to accept me, Justin, our life and I want things to go back to normal, like when I was married to my husband Ryan. Ahhh.. those were easy times! I hope we get there.

And to think people actually think we "Choose" this life. I wish they could walk a day in my shoes.

Rant done.

SugarFemme · 05-27-2013, 12:13 PM

Waking up to an almost 100 pound sick dogs poop ALL OVER the house this morning. I so did NOT need it today. It's been such a rough shitty week anyways, I did not need a physical representation of the aforementioned shit LMAO.

Velvetkitten · 05-27-2013, 12:27 PM

Being so far away from the one I love...

cinnamongrrl · 06-01-2013, 12:35 PM

Watching shows about the Titanic on History....

girllikeu2 · 06-01-2013, 01:30 PM

[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbHjusfVzeU&feature=share"]A Tribute to the life of Bella Rodriguez-Torres - YouTube[/nomedia]

~baby~doll~ · 06-01-2013, 01:32 PM

discovering a warm and beautiful friend who in her goodness stood up for me when i was incapable. a gesture so touching. tears yes and tears again with the thoughts.

06-01-2013, 02:44 PM

Being over-sensitive...then mah eyes leaked...bugger it!!

Words · 06-01-2013, 02:54 PM

I bought a dolls house off of eBay and was annoyed because the seller hadn't responded to my request for a contact number for collection purposes for several days. Anyway, I requested his number from eBay and gave him a call. Again, no response. Until this morning.

Turns out the wife of this obviously very elderly (and extremely sweet) gentleman had a passion - and I mean passion - for dolls houses, and this was her final project. Great. Except she died in February and now he can't bear to look at it but at the same time wants it to go to someone who will cherish it. And his reason for not getting in touch before? He's been in hospital being treated for cancer.

It was all I could do to get off the phone without bursting into tears.

Words

05-26-2013, 01:21 PM	#1
starryeyes Senior Member How Do You Identify?: a round peg in a square hole Preferred Pronoun?: Guess... Relationship Status: Seat taken Join Date: May 2011 Location: Rocky Mountain High Posts: 2,491 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,199 Thanked 10,050 Times in 2,076 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I cried today. Ugly cried.... I was, again, not invited to an outing with my sister, niece, nephew and mom. They are all hanging out at the Strawberry Festival in Vista, about 15 minutes from my house having a grand ol' time. And, again, I found out on Facebook I called my mom, and she confirmed she was with my niece and nephew in the kid zone watching them play. I started getting upset and crying and asked why I wasn't invited? She said they both decided to go last minute, and just "forgot" to ask, but I should come now that I know about it. hmm... really? Because I wasn't invited. I feel like the only reason they want me to come is because I was upset. It's a shitty feeling. I feel like ever since coming out, I have lost my family. Its sucks. I had an ugly cry... unfortunately, right when Justin was leaving for a memorial service, so I had to ugly cry alone. My sister texts me, asking me not to be mad, they just planned it last minute... I text her back saying, "I am not mad, I am very, very sad. I feel always left out, excluded and I feel like I have lost my family" I get a text back from her saying "i feel like I have lost my sister... I haven't been around... i haven't been to my niece's soccer games.. and so on" My sister lives an hour North of me. The soccer games start at 8am. I am not a morning person. Yes, this is not a good excuse, but it is the truth. And, Justin has NEVER been invited, only me. So it's a sucky situation. What she doesn't realize is, and can't possibly understand, is the hurt one feels when their other-half is not acknowledged (which is the root of all this). My sister and family did not meet Justin until 2 years into our relationship. When I am invited (on the rare occasion) Justin is not. We were not invited to Thanksgiving or Easter. My family lives in Carlsbad, which is only 15 from me. This hurts. I have some responsibility in it. I have a lot of issues and insecurities about coming out to my family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins). My father came out as Gay (well, was outted) when I was about 13. I had to listen to my family make horrible remarks about him and calling him Faggot. He and his partner were always the butt of the family jokes. My dad is no saint, and his partner is horrific so they deserved some of it, but not because they are gay... because they are jerks. There is a difference. Anyways, because I hold these memories, I get insecure. I wish I could just "show up" for the family Thanksgiving with Justin without an invite and say "Here I am!! Like it our not, you can't shun us!!!" but I don't have that confidence, and I start sweating even thinking about it. Now, I am out on Facebook. I post pictures of us. I have a "relationship status" so I know they know. This was my way of "coming out" without having to announce it in the middle of Christmas dinner. I did not know any other way to do it that I was comfortable with. Still, no one has said anything to me, asked me about it, or acknowledged it. Anyways... I'm going in a million different directions with this post. I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. This is what happens when one had ADD and is upset at the same time.. lol. My sister texted me and asked me if we could go out to lunch to talk. She is picking me up in an hour. I know its going to be an ugly cry talk, but at least I can get some stuff off my chest and maybe we can get on the same page. I miss her and my family. I just want them to accept me, Justin, our life and I want things to go back to normal, like when I was married to my husband Ryan. Ahhh.. those were easy times! I hope we get there. And to think people actually think we "Choose" this life. I wish they could walk a day in my shoes. Rant done. __________________ "It's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to fall down. Get up! Look sickening....and make them eat it!" - Latrice Royale Starry

06-01-2013, 12:35 PM	#4
cinnamongrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?: wild woman Relationship Status: No, thank you. Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Home in NC..gonna dig in like a tick this time… Posts: 7,662 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,233 Thanked 27,599 Times in 6,957 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Watching shows about the Titanic on History.... __________________

06-01-2013, 01:30 PM	#5
girllikeu2 Member How Do You Identify?: Dingbat Relationship Status: Facebook Official Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: *** Posts: 699 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 720 Thanked 1,099 Times in 288 Posts Rep Power**: 15433228	This in Memorium of a local girl [nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbHjusfVzeU&feature=share"]A Tribute to the life of Bella Rodriguez-Torres - YouTube[/nomedia] Last edited by girllikeu2; 06-01-2013 at 01:31 PM. Reason: grr

06-01-2013, 01:32 PM	#6
~baby~doll~ Member How Do You Identify?: femme-bottom, lesbian, queer Preferred Pronoun?: feminine ones Relationship Status: Leather polyamorous family Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: with HER Posts: 1,110 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,494 Thanked 2,857 Times in 905 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	discovering a warm and beautiful friend who in her goodness stood up for me when i was incapable. a gesture so touching. tears yes and tears again with the thoughts. __________________ i will wait to love You. i will wait another day For You i'd leave all this behind. i will wait for you tonight. iwill waste another dream on You Always run to You. Uh Huh Her

05-27-2013, 12:13 PM	#2
SugarFemme Member How Do You Identify?: Fierce Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Singular Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Southwest Posts: 1,029 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 650 Thanked 4,458 Times in 854 Posts Rep Power*: 21474851	Waking up to an almost 100 pound sick dogs poop ALL OVER the house this morning. I so did NOT need it today. It's been such a rough shitty week anyways, I did not need a physical representation of the aforementioned shit LMAO.

05-27-2013, 12:27 PM	#3
Velvetkitten Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Bratty Daddys girl Preferred Pronoun?: Baby Girl,Girl, friend Relationship Status: My soul is torn leave be Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Boston Posts: 217 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 303 Thanked 350 Times in 100 Posts Rep Power: 0	Being so far away from the one I love...

06-01-2013, 02:44 PM	#7
Daktari Guest Tournaments Won: 1 Posts: n/a My Photo Gallery	Being over-sensitive...then mah eyes leaked...bugger it!!

06-01-2013, 02:54 PM	#8
Words Member How Do You Identify?: Queer femme submissive Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: UK Posts: 969 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,449 Thanked 4,258 Times in 677 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I bought a dolls house off of eBay and was annoyed because the seller hadn't responded to my request for a contact number for collection purposes for several days. Anyway, I requested his number from eBay and gave him a call. Again, no response. Until this morning. Turns out the wife of this obviously very elderly (and extremely sweet) gentleman had a passion - and I mean passion - for dolls houses, and this was her final project. Great. Except she died in February and now he can't bear to look at it but at the same time wants it to go to someone who will cherish it. And his reason for not getting in touch before? He's been in hospital being treated for cancer. It was all I could do to get off the phone without bursting into tears. Words