Friends of Bill W.

[tomboystud]

Find someone like yourself. Find others.
Adrienne Rich

Whether as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender people or as those recovering form addictions, we are supported by our friendships and associations with others who identify themselves as we do. While we aren't limited to our kinship communities, we're strengthened by coming together with others whose experiences, commitments, and aspirations reflect our own.
Perhaps a dependency or an obsession has made our world narrow, or perhaps we feel the loneliness of an identity that has often been despised. The beginning of the end of isolation comes when we first reach out to another human being, willing to know him or her and to let ourselves be known. We can do so in safety within groups of people who accept and even celebrate who we are. As our chosen communities embrace us, we, too, can extend a welcome to newcomers and others like ourselves.

Today, I am strengthened by being part of a supportive community.

[KCBUTCH]

spent the wknd volunteering at the AA/Alanon conference for my 9 yr anniversary.. It was tiring but made me very grateful

[tomboystud]

I realized I was going to survive this loss. I learned that no matter how great my pain, or how alone and frightened I feel, I have only to remember.
Raymond Berger

When we're suffering, we may think that we're never going to feel relief. We may forget that we have already survived our past, and that joy has followed pain over and over again. We may neglect to use the resources within us and surrounding us that can help through times of pain. Prayer, creative expression, visiting nature, sharing feelings with people we trust, giving help and service to others, even performing simple meditative talks like washing dishes or sweeping a floor-all these have helped put broken hearts back together.
To be alive is to feel. We don't have to numb or deny our feelings of pain or loss. We can respect and acknowledge whatever we're feeling without fear. In time, we are healed.

Today, I remember that I have always lived through pain. I remember the many resources that help me to heal.

[LeftWriteFemme]

May 28

Estranged


After long years I have made my own acquaintance, friendship is on a far distant shore. I know who I am and can recognize myself on the street or in a crowded room. I have a legitimate sense of wariness of the afore mentioned persona, nothing too nasty, just a discomfort. She is not someone I would bring home, maybe not even share a meal with but I can stand her, minus intimacy, minus any deep empathy. I feel an awkwardness in acknowledging her, strange as this might sound, she is no one to be ashamed of, not a truly bad actor and yet the reports say she doesn’t live up to her potential and I have it on personal authority that she actually surpasses it on most days and keeps this a closely held confidence. And there it is, I know her secrets but I don’t keep her. This is what makes me strange and her stranger.



Catch your reflection in the eyes of a friend

*

THE ONE I BOUGHT

There are fairy tales I never gave credence to
Multiple bear stories don’t move me
Cats with footwear have not warranted a second thought.

True love-----------
Now that one I still buy
Hook line and sinker.

Work hard---------
And true love will fix the rest
That is what I have always believed.
The evil spell I have walked under

During my sad little life will be broken
Only by the durable and fulfilling love of my betrothed.
Each time this plan fell through

The blame was left to the wrongness of the match
But not the wrongness of the plot

Anytime I work to be restored to sanity by one person
I have displaced a rightful power
And thrown myself to the sea.

[tomboystud]

May 28
As we understand
“We examined our lives and discovered who we really are. To be truly humble is to accept and honestly try to be ourselves.”
Basic Text, p. 36
––––=––––
As using addicts, the demands of our disease determined our personality. We could be whoever or whatever we needed to be in order to get our “fix.” We were survival machines, adapting easily to every circumstance of the using life.
Once we began our recovery, we entered a new and different life. Many of us had no idea what behavior was appropriate for us in any given situation. Some of us didn’t know how to talk to people, how to dress, or how to behave in public. We couldn’t be ourselves because we didn’t know who we were anymore.
The Twelve Steps give us a simple method for finding out who we really are. We uncover our assets and our defects, the things we like about ourselves and the things we’re not so thrilled about. Through the healing power of the Twelve Steps, we begin to understand that we are individuals, created to be who we are by the Higher Power of our understanding. The real healing begins when we understand that if our Higher Power created us this way, it must be okay to be who we really are.
––––=––––
Just for today: By working the steps I can experience the freedom to be myself, the person my Higher Power intended me to be.

Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

[LeftWriteFemme]

May 29


Queens: More than a Borough


My drama is bigger than yours. My drama can kick your drama’s ass. Well maybe not, but it sure is kicking mine. Like a rain soaked grave, I stand in this muddy hole, sides slick, unassailable and count the piles of tragedy, all the while knowing it will bury me not facilitate a climb out. I attempt to display the face of comedy and yet the mask can not fool me, my true audience. I think if I can keep it all up on stage I will be alright, but then the point of theater is that everything is carried away in the minds of all who come and watch. Silence doesn’t help either for there is little worse than a bad mime and doing it well just makes me Lillian Gish. So, back to Bohemia for isn’t it all a rhapsody, though it would all be so much better if Freddy Mercury weren’t dead.


String your dreams together and let them fly


*
HOSTAGE DOLL

A doll stands wedged between two mailboxes
Naked and exposed,
The edge of the road passing her by.

She is there to pay for my self-loathing
I throw my treasures in the air
As skeet to be shot and shattered.

Hate is the obnoxious microbe
Which sours my digestion
And rids me of nutrition and affection.

I purge love and tenderness
I rip the covers from my playthings
And leave them to bleed.

I hide in my self-destruction
I put garish displays streetside
And cry my tears alone.

I cannot ransom to pay the price of fear
I must bring in the broken babies
And put hate out on the curb.

[tomboystud]

May 29
Carry me
“We believe that our Higher Power will take care of us.”
Basic Text, p. 58
––––=––––
We all have times when it seems as though our lives are falling apart. There are days, or even weeks, when it seems that everything that can go wrong is going wrong. Whether it’s the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, or the end of a relationship, we doubt that we’ll survive the changes taking place in our lives.
It’s during the times when the world is crashing down around our ears that we find our greatest faith in a loving Higher Power. No human being could relieve our suffering; we know that only God’s care can provide the comfort we seek. We feel broken but we go on, knowing that our lives will be repaired.
As we progress in our recovery and our faith in our Higher Power grows, we are sure to greet the difficult times with a sense of hope, despite the pain we may be in. We need not despair, for we know that our Higher Power’s care will carry us through when we can’t walk on our own.
––––=––––
Just for today: I will rely on God’s care through the painful times, knowing that my Higher Power will always be there.

Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved