Need parents opinion

[femm_cb]

Hi moms and dads!

I could really use your advice on something. I hope I am making more of this than what needs to be. But you tell me what you think.

While out at a locale restaurant celebrating my daughters birthday, there was a table of about 6-8 highschool senior girls (my daughter will be a senior next year) and a male teacher with them. He was the only teacher at the table full of highschool girls? As a parent, I found it highly inappropriate that a male teacher would be out socially with a group of girls. My daughter was like "Oh yeah, that's part of the choir group and those are his favorites" As if it were no big deal. (I would also feel the same if it were male students and a female teacher)

Part of me wants to call the school and complain. I am in NO WAY accusing this male teacher of doing anything immoral as I have no proof. However, if it were a school function, shouldn't more teachers/parents have been in attendance? I would think so? Should teachers/students interact outside of school socially?

Should I call her school and voice my concern? Or am I overreacting - like normal?

[Blade]

I'll bite. I think you are over reacting.

[girllikeu2]

Originally Posted by femm_cb

Hi moms and dads!

I could really use your advice on something. I hope I am making more of this than what needs to be. But you tell me what you think.

While out at a locale restaurant celebrating my daughters birthday, there was a table of about 6-8 highschool senior girls (my daughter will be a senior next year) and a male teacher with them. He was the only teacher at the table full of highschool girls? As a parent, I found it highly inappropriate that a male teacher would be out socially with a group of girls. My daughter was like "Oh yeah, that's part of the choir group and those are his favorites" As if it were no big deal. (I would also feel the same if it were male students and a female teacher)

Part of me wants to call the school and complain. I am in NO WAY accusing this male teacher of doing anything immoral as I have no proof. However, if it were a school function, shouldn't more teachers/parents have been in attendance? I would think so? Should teachers/students interact outside of school socially?

Should I call her school and voice my concern? Or am I overreacting - like normal?

That's a hard one. I am a teacher but my students aren't capable of socializing with me outside of school without a parent being there too. HOWEVER, if this was a group thing of seniors and not 1 teacher and 1 student I'd be inclined to shrug and think it was a nice gesture. I am a Pollyanna like that though and am apt not to think worst case scenario. I wouldn't worry if I was you. Just my gut feeling.

[femm_cb]

Ok - so it's just me being an over protective mother. Good!

[JAGG]

I am not a parent, but I am all about bypassing the middle man. Why not go talk to the teacher yourself. Your daughter was present at the gathering . Why not call and ask to have a private meeting with him. Tell him how you feel and how it appears to someone looking in from the outside. He may be totally innocent , he may be gay for all we know. Calling the school would surely get him in hot water, and maybe for no valid reason . Talking to him in person, at the very least it will make him aware that his actions have the propensity to lead to inapproprate behavior, if he isn't already aware of that. And if he is trying to be sly at least he knows he is being watched and that you don't approve. Just my two cents worth.

[femm_cb]

L (my daughter) said "Oh we all think he's gay" but still.....I don't want to get this guy in any hot water. What if the school and/or parents knew they were out in a social gathering? I don't want to cause any unwanted drama? Maybe I will email him directly - rather call him

[Sweet Bliss]

Okay, gonna put my two bucks in.......

If it were ME, I would call the school board and ask what the policy is regarding teachers socializing outside of school with students. Asking for information without discussing WHY you want the info will surely not upset any apple carts. Just use your "I was just wondering..." voice. There must be a written policy somewhere. Maybe your PTA has a copy of the regs? Hey, what about the schools website?

MY thoughts are that singling out "a select few" students to a "perhaps NON-school sanctioned function" is sending a blatant message of favoritism to students whom are not selected to an "outing with Teacher".

Young people are sometimes impacted adversely when shunned publicly or within the confines of school activities.

If it is meant to show appreciation, then it would come across more sincerely IMO if the ENTIRE choir is giving special treatment for their participation. Parents might be thrilled to see their children honored for being part of a group that brings out the best in our children.

Perhaps BKisbutchenuff can help you with this situation. BK works in this field, BK's opinion might help you to make a more informed decision.

Thanks for reading.

[LaneyDoll]

It is not a problem, until it is a problem. My son is involved in lots of activities that make sharing meals a necessity.

~ They may or may not be his faves-it is truly hard to know based on the words of another student (child or not).

~ They are in a public place. Were any of them acting inappropriately?

~ Were they working on a project and needed to eat. Sometimes a meal is just a meal.

~ Approach him with your concerns if you want, but by all means, do it privately. Do not risk his livelihood unnecessarily.

A little story: when my sister was in college, there was a hot, young professor teaching English. A few (4 I think) of the popular girls decided to see if he would trade grades for fun. He refused. And they all went to the dean of students and reported him for sexual harassment. Despite the intervention of other students who knew what was going on, he lost his job because the risk of keeping him after the reports from four different women were too much for them to feel comfy ignoring

[femm_cb]

I just spoke with my friend who works for the school district. She stated that is not acceptable for teachers/students to socialize outside of school unless it's a school function and everyone in choir is included and parents are in attendance as well. She reminded me that since they are seniors (like L said they were), they just graduated last week and therefore there is nothing the school can do.

[Blade]

Maybe since it was the choir teacher and about eight girls, perhaps it was the girls octet and they were having a bit to eat after practice or after a singing event.

[MsTinkerbelly]

I had a choir teacher in high school who used to take his "favorites" out...turned out is was a cover for the relationship he had with a girl from my class. They married and are still together, but he lost his job. This was 1979 and things were a bit looser, but..... Anyway, as these girls have graduated there's not much anyone can do.

I also had a male teacher in 5th grade who would take the boys camping but not the girls...anyone wanna guess where that went?

Wrong is wrong, and not abiding by "limits" and rules placed to make sure things are safe for children is reason to be reported. IMO

[Greyson]

I am not a teacher nor a biological parent. I do have two baby sisters that were born in my teen years that I have literally been a surrogate parent to them for most of my life. Also, I have an almost 11 year old stepdaughter.

My first reaction to your question is that the teacher out with a few of his female high school students may be inappropriate but a stupid choice for sure. In todays world if I were a teacher and wanted to take my favorite students to dinner, I would most certainly have another adult with me. (Most likely I would take an adult woman if all my students were young women.)

I do not think you are over reacting. I tend to agree with Jagg and talk to the teacher directly first. If he is shady he will then know someone is onto him. If not, "No harm, no foul." In the least I think he would rethink socializing with students that is not an official function of the school.

[princessbelle]

I don't know really, but since you asked for opinions...

One reminiscent situation comes to mind. When i was in high school, from freshman to senior, there were a group of us girls that had dinner every single Friday night with two Male teachers. The reason was because we were cheerleaders and it was the football coaches, just before the football games. The entire football team went but the cheerleaders sat with the coaches (teachers) at their table. The "guys" all had the back room away from us. In appearance, that may not have looked so great.

But, it was tradition. It was our "normal". And there were never any problems.

Maybe it's just what they do after choir practice?

But, i always say ...trust your gut. If you felt it was icky, check it out a little deeper.

Good luck and ty for seeing this and questioning it. Even if it is innocent, it is good that we all watch for things that may not be "just right".

[peachy]

I'm a mum and mums overreact about our babies that's our job. Good for you. Doing your job right :-) Hopefully there is nothing untoward going on here but until you have rolled up your mum sleeves and found out for yourself you will be a fretful, flapping, fussing mum which is no good.

Whatever the situation here, age of the girls, school policy etc I am with Princessbelle that when it comes to your child you can trust your gut feeling. Whatever anyone says, whatever is the norm...if you think something is amiss - it probably is. Your intuition about your child is a finely tuned thing. What happens at your child's school activities is your business. I don't think it matters too much what you say or to whom you say it, if all you are doing is being honest, you won't go wrong. I hope you have your concerns put to rest.

pxo

[gaea]

If the girls have all graduated what is the issue ? they are all adults yes?

My youngest developed a relationship with her third grade teacher Mr Rykk, they had a bond when she was in fifth grade I had given permission for Rykk and his partner to take my daughter to Georgia for the summer (they had become family friends by then) We lived in a smaller educational system where families interacted with the teachers on a regular basis where the teachers became part of our families ...I liked that setting my granddaughter is in that school district now.

It is not horrific for students to bond with their teachers...

maybe I'm mistaken here however I think your overreacting a tad bit.

I raised 4 3 natural and 1 step daughter..but all of their teachers had my number...my kids didn't get away with shit lol