The Gendering of the Young

[BornBronson]

I always knew that i was loved by both my parents,but they were raised old school.My father is 81 this month and he alway told me that i could never be like him,which confused me because i'm just like him in many ways.But I suspect he was talking about me physically.My parents didn't care much that I was a tomboy,although i do remember once or twice my mother putting a dress on me,come to think of it it was probably only once,the other time must of been a bad nightmare.I played like a little boy(whatever that means) even though I knew that I was not one.I had two brothers that taught me the ways of being a guy,not that they were both experts themselves.The males in my family are sexist,you know the types,they believe men should look like men,women should look like women.Stuff like that only= insecurity in my book.But at a very young age I knew who I was and I never faught it,I just faught others who insisted that I look more 'womanly'.I was not like any 'normal looking girls' in this family/society,and I took pride in that.Yet still today I fight for who I am,I won't change for anyone,that includes my politics/beliefs/ect.Being a butch woman is a challenge in this world,but I like it.

[Nat]

My mom kinda dressed me butch. She's not super-girly and she didn't inflict supergirly things on me. When she was a little girl, she wanted to be an architect or an archeologist. She was interested in castles - how they were constructed and why. She built little houses for her dolls and then she was done playing with them.

I had a fascination with the barbie stuff. I loved my barbies - loved playing barbies with other girls. I also loved my troll dolls - they were great to play with. I think it was good to have flat-chested, pot-bellied, short, squat, wild-haired, by-no-means-pretty dolls to play with. I made them clothes, I took them outside with me and made homes out of twigs and leaves. I gave them whimsical names. I guess the trolls are what taught me that if you love something or someone enough, you find them beautiful.

I remember when I got to go next door and play with the neighbor boy. He had neat toys. They did things. Transformers, cars, the castle grayskull, games like mousetrap. I remember realizing that there was a difference there and that I didn't know how I ended up with only girl toys. I don't think it was my mom's choice though as much as it was the choice of gift-givers and hand-me-downers. My mom couldn't afford to buy me much.

I have always thought I would name my child a gender-neutral name, though the one I always wanted to name my kid has gotten very popular of late. I think that whatever the deconstructionalists would like to believe about gender, I think people are born with a certain sense of who they are. It may be influenced quite a lot from the external environment, but I think kids know what grates on them gender-wise as much as they know whether or not they like broccolli.

When I was a little kid - ever since I watched the movie Splash, I suppose - I mostly wanted to be a mermaid. To be wild, to have impossibly long hair, to breath under water, to live in the ocean and be magical. I may still want that. That bit of me that's a boy - I think he wants it too.

I have participated in the gendering of the young - at least so far as I've bought girl stuff for baby showers for girls. I don't think I'd do that now though. Kids are so unexpected in their preferences sometimes - it's neat to see without interfering too much. My mom had this whole peter rabbit thing going on with my babyhood - she really did try to avoid gendering me. It was the 70s and all. I still am surprised she doesn't consider herself to be a feminist.

[Medusa]

I saw this thread and was reminded of growing up and being larger than my other brothers and sisters and how that translated to my Mom and step-parents as "She's bigger, she can do "boys" work".

One distinct memory I have is that my Step-Dad owned a used car lot and body shop and he would make me come down to his shop every Saturday morning when I was 8 or 9 and pick up tools, move car parts, stack boxes, etc. He would also make me stack concrete blocks, clean out the horse pens, and bale hay.

I once asked my Mom why I had to help in the garage and work in the barn when my sister didnt have to. Her answer was, "Because your bigger and she's more frilly."

More "frilly" meant "she was a waif and I was a chubster".

Later, this translated into me being seen as "a tomboy", where my sister was a "princess", even though I was asking for the same red Reeboks and miniskirts (It was the 80s!)

Anyone else experience anything like this with size and gender conformity as a child? I know some of us have talked about being adults who are fat and how we are often seen as less feminine because of our size by the outside world.

Great discussion Nat!

[Cyclopea]

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Cyclopea

Nice. Oversexualizing at an early age. When people get upset about the statistics for teen pregnancy, someone should show them this.

This may be the bitch in me speaking, but it would have been better with gay boys. That one girl was all over the place.

[Soon]

I watched that video yesterday and am completely stunned and disgusted at adults allowing, coaching, watching, encouraging (!) these SEVEN year olds performing this sexualized dance.

Appalling.

[Cyclopea]

Originally Posted by HowSoonIsNow

I watched that video yesterday and am completely stunned and disgusted at adults allowing, coaching, watching, encouraging (!) these SEVEN year olds performing this sexualized dance.

Appalling.

Right???
The sad thing is that they are SOOOOOOO talented! But the whole Jon Benet Ramsey thing just killed it.

[betenoire]

Oh my god, that was so inappropriate. I actually started crying because it -upset- me to see little children doing that.

[Cyclopea]

Originally Posted by betenoire

Oh my god, that was so inappropriate. I actually started crying because it -upset- me to see little children doing that.

Oh hon! I'm so sorry!
It freaked me out too...
One of the problems with gendering the young is that much of what genders "female" has traditionally been serving as an object for the sexualized gaze.
Sad...

[Fancy]

I showed this version to my son....he loves dancing to Beyonce (and Janet Jackson).

Originally Posted by Gemme

Nice. Oversexualizing at an early age. When people get upset about the statistics for teen pregnancy, someone should show them this.

This may be the bitch in me speaking, but it would have been better with gay boys. That one girl was all over the place.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Freckle-K

I showed this version to my son....he loves dancing to Beyonce (and Janet Jackson).

omg, that's so hot. I got a little bit tingly in my bottom

[~baby~doll~]

In a society which is rife with gender stereotypes and biases, children regularly learn to adopt gender roles which are not always fair to both sexes. As children move through childhood and into adolescence, they are exposed to many factors which influence their attitudes and behaviors regarding gender roles. These attitudes and behaviors are generally learned first in the home and are then reinforced by the child's peers, school experience, and television viewing. However, the strongest influence on gender role development seems to occur within the family setting, with parents passing on, both overtly and covertly, to their children their own beliefs about gender. This overview of the impact of parental influence on gender role development leads to the suggestion that an androgynous gender role orientation may be more beneficial to children than strict adherence to traditional gender roles.

http://gozips.uakron.edu/~susan8/parinf.htm

We are assigned these roles before we get home and are expected by tradition to adapt and follow what has gone before us.
Melissa says in her song Gotta Go Now

Women can work
As long as dinner is done
And if you let little girls play with trucks
Their sexuality gets all screwed up
This is so the truth about being forced into expectations rather than allowing us to be who we are.

[Sheridan]

As a little kid I fought against those that tried to make me a little cute girl. I would ask my mother for boy toys and she let me have them. If I was given dolls I played superheroes and cops and robbers with them not house and barbie dream house (my dolls were GI-Janes). My favorite things were my toy cars and trucks, my bicycle, and stuff animals (which every gender in childhood love, they are soft and cuddly). I would not wear girlie clothes and if someone tried to stick me in pink and ruffles, I threw a total fit.

This kid is my hero:

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by Cyclopea

Well.

That was ten kinds of disturbing wasn't it?
Where the HELL are their parents?

Did Jon Benet Ramsey not teach anyone anything?

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Freckle-K

I showed this version to my son....he loves dancing to Beyonce (and Janet Jackson).

Thank you! I flippin' love being right.

[Enchantress]

Originally Posted by Cyclopea

I find this absolutely disturbing.

Little girls too young to even have curves or breasts yet, being taught such overtly sexual moves and suggestive ways.

As for the original video, I don't believe the father meant anything offensive. He simply reacted as almost anyone would.

It's impossible to tell in this video if it was meant as a *You're not a girl stop being a sissy way*. I believe that the father was simply playing with his son.

I do find it fascinating though how the child reacted. He's much too young to know that there are boy things and girl things (as placed by society). He simpy went with instinct to have fun and be a part of something. He seems to be not only upset about not being able to do as his sisters were, but also humiliated at the fact that he made some sort of a mistake (or so he thinks). Such moments, even if not in the forefront of our minds, stay with us for a lifetime.

I do not feel that giving a little girl pink things and a little boy blue things makes or breaks their sexuality or sense of being.

Instead, it is when a parent or person of authority berates and forces a child into a role or situation, or does not respect the childs wishes for certain toys and such (based again on what they believe society finds acceptable) that it becomes dangerous, cruel and oppresses their (the childs)spirit.

[Soon]

[Emmy]

Goodness, this is really interesting. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Strangely, for the last few weekends, there have been troupes of very young girls in very heavy makeup and very sparkly outfits, presumably for some sort of dance competition, being led around by anxious-looking chaperones on my university campus.

Though it isn't as extreme as in the video posted above, the whole vibe feels exploitative to me. It feels to me like part of a (barely) subterranean campaign (largely driven by financial forces, I think- like marketing for Disney Princess merchandise) to ensure girls know their place in the world, you know? To ensure that they understand, as early as possible, that being pretty is paramount. I am reminded, as well, of when I worked at a science museum gift shop a few years ago. I remember there was this one, maddening section of the store where everything was pink and fluffy and sparkly AND HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH SCIENCE. It seems like a bombardment.

Incidentally, a friend of mine who has a (totally awesome and smart and funny) young girl recently posted a link to this site on her Facebook profile: http://pinkstinks.wordpress.com/about/

ETA: For whatever it's worth, I don't actually object to kids' engaging in fantasy that appears to have a gendered cast; if young girls or boys are having a blast wearing tutu's and spinning around and pretending to be princesses or whatever, well, that's awesome But there's something else going on here. At the risk of sounding too alarmist, there is a largely economically-motivated campaign, I think, to convince young girls that their worth lies primarily in their appearance and, further, that all sorts of accoutrements must be purchased for them if they're ever to be pretty enough.

[Massive]

I have to say, I've watched this continued sexualtisation of young girls in particular over the past however many years now, the magazines telling them 'how to find a boyfriend', how to 'look sexy', etc and it saddens Me that they're not allowed to just be little girls now. None of these magazines seems to want to hold their hands up and admit that they're just out to make money and don't seem to care that kids aren't being allowed to be innocent any more.
I recently sat and listened to a 10 year old girl who lives behind My home, talking to My 8 year old neighbour, she was playing on the 8 year olds swing in the back garden and she asked the 8 year old "have you had an orgasm yet?" the 8 year old (thankfully) didn't know how to respond and changed the subject, talking about school ... I was horrified, the parents of this 10 year old don't supervise her or her siblings, they're just left to their own devices and, her mother used to be a swinger, part of a group that was advertised online, this same woman is now a social worker working with adults who are incapable of taking proper care of themselves, the whole thing scares Me ...
It makes Me worry what the world is coming to, you know?
Kids don't seem to be allowed to be just kids ...
Even little boys are being shown, on tv and other media, that they should be something they're not.
It just makes Me glad that My 'kids', albeit My adopted ones, are all adults now. I'd hate to see any child of Mine have to be shown values that aren't their own, or at least aren't just accepted because people think 'it's cute' that so and so is acting like some adult when they don't even know what it means yet.