Prenuptial Agreements. Anyone have one? Anyone who would consider one if they married?

Kelt · 07-20-2013, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

<snip>
Another thought: Someone mentioned that a prenup would force a frank discussion about finances. Living together doesn't automatically equate to the sharing of assets, pooling of funds, etc. These types of discussions should be had *anyway* -*before* deciding to live together and especially before considering getting married to each other. If you need a prenup to force a discussion, then it seems strange to me that marriage would even be a consideration.

I quite agree with this sentiment. My comment was based on observations of what has happened to couples I have known in the past who had clearly not had such a discussion with each other prior to becoming involved with each other in such a way that their finances were enmeshed. Unentangling became a huge problem. Myself included, in my youth.

I believe that getting involved in a relationship that would include legally binding commitments without being fully informed would be irresponsible.

My understanding of the conversation is that we're discussing "in the event of divorce". I would not knowingly get into a relationship that I thought would come to an end, but sometimes surprises happen.

QueenofSmirks · 07-20-2013, 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kelt

I would not knowingly get into a relationship that I thought would come to an end, but sometimes surprises happen.

I think this is true for most people - not all, but most. And I'm in agreement - "forever" doesn't always mean forever. Things happen.

deb_U_taunt · 07-20-2013, 10:25 AM

I would request a pre-nup. Realist here.

At work I see daily people in stealing from family. Its also family and friends putting bugs in ears to TAKE what you can. People can be greedy and sometimes its not about the money, but revenge. Maybe, I am jaded due to my job.

I am not young and I have a 401k, IRAs and savings. I am not in a position to start over. I have worked very hard for what I have.

Don't see this as I am unwilling to share, it means if hy or she finds someone new or wants to move on, I don't want to be the one supporting their retirement.

*Anya* · 07-20-2013, 10:25 AM

My perspective:

Pre-nup to ensure that what each of us brought into the marriage is protected (assets and respective liabilities).

Starting fresh, so-to-speak, as a married couple.

Then, 50/50 on all assets and liabilities incurred as a loving partnership, once married.

Divorce happens.

No one plans it, expects it or wants it when they get married (OK, maybe some do-I don't).

50% of marriages in this country end that way.

Maybe stats for non-straight people will be different.

That remains to be seen.

Novelafemme · 07-20-2013, 10:48 AM

As usual, I can agree (to a degree) with both sides...and then there's the four-five more other sides, and I can understand those perspectives as well.

As with Blush, I have been through a divorce as well. We went through a mediated divorce proceeding and it was very clean and smooth. But...and this is the caveat, neither of us came in to or left the marriage with a large some of money (or anywhere even close).

I cringe a bit when someone goes after "their half" of the other persons retirement or other personal assets. But then again, each scenario is unique and these types of personal contracts are typically heavily loaded in the emotion department.

I am just guessing here, but I don't think many of us on this site are multi-millionares. If I were, and I met someone at this stage in my life (40) who had very little financial resources they themselves were bringing into the relationship, I would think it prudent to protect myself, from a fiscal perspective.

People change when money becomes a deciding factor.

07-20-2013, 10:25 AM	#4
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,443 Times in 7,285 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	My perspective: Pre-nup to ensure that what each of us brought into the marriage is protected (assets and respective liabilities). Starting fresh, so-to-speak, as a married couple. Then, 50/50 on all assets and liabilities incurred as a loving partnership, once married. Divorce happens. No one plans it, expects it or wants it when they get married (OK, maybe some do-I don't). 50% of marriages in this country end that way. Maybe stats for non-straight people will be different. That remains to be seen. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

07-20-2013, 10:25 AM	#3
deb_U_taunt Senior Member How Do You Identify?: ........ Join Date: May 2011 Location: ....... Posts: 1,748 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,324 Thanked 5,256 Times in 1,361 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I would request a pre-nup. Realist here. At work I see daily people in stealing from family. Its also family and friends putting bugs in ears to TAKE what you can. People can be greedy and sometimes its not about the money, but revenge. Maybe, I am jaded due to my job. I am not young and I have a 401k, IRAs and savings. I am not in a position to start over. I have worked very hard for what I have. Don't see this as I am unwilling to share, it means if hy or she finds someone new or wants to move on, I don't want to be the one supporting their retirement.

07-20-2013, 10:48 AM	#5
Novelafemme Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ........ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ........ Posts: 2,402 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,981 Thanked 8,925 Times in 1,834 Posts Rep Power: 0	As usual, I can agree (to a degree) with both sides...and then there's the four-five more other sides, and I can understand those perspectives as well. As with Blush, I have been through a divorce as well. We went through a mediated divorce proceeding and it was very clean and smooth. But...and this is the caveat, neither of us came in to or left the marriage with a large some of money (or anywhere even close). I cringe a bit when someone goes after "their half" of the other persons retirement or other personal assets. But then again, each scenario is unique and these types of personal contracts are typically heavily loaded in the emotion department. I am just guessing here, but I don't think many of us on this site are multi-millionares. If I were, and I met someone at this stage in my life (40) who had very little financial resources they themselves were bringing into the relationship, I would think it prudent to protect myself, from a fiscal perspective. People change when money becomes a deciding factor.