Cancer Support and Caregivers Who Are Trail Blazers!

[deb_U_taunt]

My mom sits for mine, too. Mine gets separation anxiety if I am gone grocery shopping for an hour. Yep, we are pretty much joined at the hip. lol

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Well, my dog is a Jack Russell, so he is quite annoying. He is up my ass 24/7. Subsequently, from time to time I leave his butt and have no problem with it. I do feel guilty when I am at the beach because I can be at the beach all day and then out to dinner, etc. at night. Therefore, I will sometimes give him to my mom during those times. He also gets these wicked allergies at the beach because my R/V there is among trees, so he gets scratch crazy. I don't want him miserable and I don't want to put him on any medicine.

He loves it at my mom's because he has a huge yard to play in, lots of bunnies to chase and poop to roll in (much to my mother's chagrin), she feeds him snacks SHE purchases and passes over the healthy ones I give her to give him, and she always has new toys for him.

So it is a win-win! After about 3-4 nights he starts to get sad mom says and just lays around lethargic. I'm usually missing the mutt by then, too!

Insurance? I have chosen to take the risk. Honestly, my mother (who loves the dog, see above), is my insurance policy if he gets sick.

[deb_U_taunt]

I am loving this mastectomy cover up!

[Sparkle]

Hi Everyone,

It's been three weeks since my best friend had her double mastectomy and simultaneous reconstructive surgery and she's started to turn a corner in her recovery, at last.

It's been a crazy, tumultuous, exhausting ride. I feel really grateful that I am one of a team of people who love her and have cared for her the past three weeks. It's been a full-time job, I don't know how anyone can do it round the clock.

Being present while she was in such incredible pain was the hardest part.

Since the last of the four drains came out the pain has been easier to manage with medication. She's weaning off pain medication now.

When I first saw her incisions I was shocked, they looked so enormous across the middle of both breasts, one side to the other, and so swollen and angry and Frankenstein like. It was alarming but I had to keep that to myself because she was feeling very distraught both with the pain and with how she looked.

But now, at the three week point, I am simply amazed at how her incisions are healing. It's like MAGIC! Her plastic surgeon is the head of plastics at Mass General in Boston, so we knew he had to be *good* but I am actually gobsmacked at how good he is. She is going to have very minimal/barely perceivable scars, the incisions are healing in such a way that they look like french seams, perfectly joined and turned in to one another and smooth; almost seamless.

They were not able to save her nipples and that's been a bit of a struggle for her. If she wants nipples (or the look of nipples) the plastic surgeon will discuss options when they next visit. As I understand it they now use a few techniques to recreate nipples including tattooing. I've suggested she tattoo leopard print pasties in place of nipples.

The pathology has come back on her tumor, it's grade II and estrogen receptor positive. A bit bigger than they had originally thought from the MRI, which may mean that it grew quickly.

Her lymph nodes and the tissue in her other breast were all clear and there were clear margins around the tumor. All very good news. She will see her oncologist next week to discuss various options for post surgical treatment. It's quite likely they will suggest a short course of chemo or anti-estrogen therapy.

She's probably also going to need to schedule a hysterectomy sometime soon. the anti-estrogen drugs apparently increase the risk of uterine cancer. And my BFF's mother has already survived cancer in 9 different locations (mainly reproductive organs).

So, this looks to be the beginning of a longer process than we originally thought, and that was very discouraging and disheartening for her when she found out. But I think that now that the pain has lifted a bit - everything else is feeling a little less overwhelming.

I was feeling quite overwhelmed with everything myself until this weekend when I was able to catch up on my sleep and relax at home a bit. But wow! It's been challenging, to say the least. Trying to be responsive to her needs, being helpful and supportive to her wife and children and acting as crowd control to a cadre of (well meaning) friends - while working two jobs - was crazy making. I think I spent week two feeling quite frazzled and cranky and perpetually exhausted.

I have incredible respect and admiration for all of you carers!

Wishing you all good health!

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by deb_U_taunt

I am loving this mastectomy cover up!

Wow. That looks great!

Sparkle, glad to hear your friend is improving. Yes, it is a lot of work for the carers. Thanks for updating us!

[Genesis]

Hello Everyone... I hope and pray everyone is doing well... It has been so long since I posted on here. The last few weeks have been nothing short of a long and twisted roaller coaster ride with loops, backturns and topsy turvy curves. I am very happy to share that my Mom finally got her surgery and she is slowly and steadily recuperating well. It was a tough battle, so much fighting and maintaing and keeping hope alive without wanting to pull my hair out more than I care to share. My positive energy, love and prayers to each of you who is going through this journey and those of us who are coming along with them. Have a wonderful weekend everyone. While we got breathe and life, let's make these moments amazing...

[hagster]

My mom is dying. Regardless of the positives we recognize on a daily basis, regardless of the positives we invent and find relief in, regardless of the denial I'm constantly battered with, she's dying. In front of my eyes.

I feel guilty for recognizing this, for knowing it as fact, when I'm told over and over again to think positively, that miracles happen. Fuck miracles. I need someone here to be my partner in reality. Reality is a lonely business.

I left my home and moved to this emotionally repressed and depressed environment to be here for my family, to help in any way I could, to add stability to an unstable situation. I moved here out of love and the fear of regret. Unfortunately, I don't speak the same language they do; we don't share the same needs. The staunch, cold demeanor that says if we don't talk about something then it's not real is damaging to me. I need to cry, to let someone know I do feel. I need to talk practicalities while we still can. I need a hug most of all. My family and I are strangers to one another.

I knew this would be hard. The reality is beyond language capabilities. I did get hospice set up and they are fantastic. My job, as it's turned out, has been as taxi service (no one here drives), to listen but not be heard and financier of things I can no longer afford. My schedule has been such that job searching is severely limited. The money stress combined with the emotional stress has been overwhelming and I have to go back home. It seems I can do more long distance than I can right here and that breaks my heart. I love my mom, I'm thankful for what my sister's continuing to do, but for my own survival, I have to go back to my friends and the family I've built with them. I'm unable to be supportive in this situation without my own support.

Everyone who's been through this knows there is more between the lines. Anyone with less-than-ideal family dynamics knows it even more. I try to be strong every day when I start out; I try to find the necessary energies to deal with the different personalities; I try to function without the sleep that's eluded me for weeks now. I have nothing more to give to this vaccuum.

The guilt is immeasurable, the reality unbearable. I'll come back for the end, which could be a couple weeks, it could be a couple months. I don't know what's right anymore. I know, however, that if I stay through this I will not survive. Dramatic? Yes, but this is reality. My mom is dying and I have to say this goodbye before our final goodbye.

[Lady Pamela]

May I first say, my heart goes out to each and every one of you having to endure any form or stage of cancer.

And truely amazed at such loving and caring support and caregivers and all you do.

I basically am just venting tonight because though I am a posotive person, My heart is heavy tonight.This month has been very tough.

I have been dealing with check ups to follow nodules in my lungs and will be doing another soon. If there is growth then I will have a biopsy on them.
I seriously thought this was hard to deal with. But yesterday I was reminded that my strength is needed elsewhere.

My daughter went in for a check up and ended up having 4 biopsies done and a scraping from her cervix. She is 25 years old. And the doctor said it didn't look good.We will find out results within 7 days.
They also found a lump in her breast that they will be watching as well.

If she ends up having cancer, this will make 2 daughters that have had cancer. My other daughter had it at 14. But survived and is doing well.

Having heard and been there through this painful test. It truely put an end to any small pitty party I may have been having. But still have fear.

My focus has turned to my daughters needs. Though I am doing all I can to keep myself up.

On top of all of this, my friend of 30 some odd years, I just heard today that we are waiting on her mothers test results as of today. They believe she has lukemia. Shes like an adopted mother to me. And I can't be there for her or my friend other than via phone.
Very hard .

Also a very close friend of the family is having cancer surgery tomorrow.

Can I just say,
I HATE FREAKIN CANCER!

Sorry, don't mean to be a cry baby. Truely I am a get it done type. Just at a low this night for a minute.

Keep up the posotive attitudes and again..Thanks so much for this thread. It helped me just to speak out.

Blessings to you all.


.

[Genesis]

Originally Posted by Lady Pamela

Can I just say,
I HATE FREAKIN CANCER!

Lady Pamela this forum has become my support for going through the journey with my Mom. This is the place where we can say things like that... Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. This journey is so hard for each person, the loved one or loved ones with cancer and the care taker(s) who go together on the journey together. Each person on this thread has been a column on which I had to lean on with their words and their own journeys and emotional reactions. Whether positive or negative they are appreicated and learned from. Please know my love, prayers and positive energy are going out to you, your daughter and friend. If you wish to speak more feel free to PM me. If I have no words at least know you got an ear and a shoulder if needed.
We are strong even in our most vulnerable moments....

[mustangjeano]

Please don't hesitate to share and/or vent here Lady Pamela--that is what we love about this thread. You have an enormous load to carry right now and your are doing a great job managing it with strength and positive energy. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Jean

Originally Posted by Lady Pamela

May I first say, my heart goes out to each and every one of you having to endure any form or stage of cancer.

And truely amazed at such loving and caring support and caregivers and all you do.

I basically am just venting tonight because though I am a posotive person, My heart is heavy tonight.This month has been very tough.

I have been dealing with check ups to follow nodules in my lungs and will be doing another soon. If there is growth then I will have a biopsy on them.
I seriously thought this was hard to deal with. But yesterday I was reminded that my strength is needed elsewhere.

My daughter went in for a check up and ended up having 4 biopsies done and a scraping from her cervix. She is 25 years old. And the doctor said it didn't look good.We will find out results within 7 days.
They also found a lump in her breast that they will be watching as well.

If she ends up having cancer, this will make 2 daughters that have had cancer. My other daughter had it at 14. But survived and is doing well.

Having heard and been there through this painful test. It truely put an end to any small pitty party I may have been having. But still have fear.

My focus has turned to my daughters needs. Though I am doing all I can to keep myself up.

On top of all of this, my friend of 30 some odd years, I just heard today that we are waiting on her mothers test results as of today. They believe she has lukemia. Shes like an adopted mother to me. And I can't be there for her or my friend other than via phone.
Very hard .

Also a very close friend of the family is having cancer surgery tomorrow.

Can I just say,
I HATE FREAKIN CANCER!

Sorry, don't mean to be a cry baby. Truely I am a get it done type. Just at a low this night for a minute.

Keep up the posotive attitudes and again..Thanks so much for this thread. It helped me just to speak out.

Blessings to you all.


.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by deb_U_taunt

I am loving this mastectomy cover up!

Deb, for some reason I keep going back to this picture. It really is very beautiful. I think what makes it "work" so well too, is the band she has on her arm. Somehow it makes it "flow".

I am not a person who is big on tattoos. I tend to think that most are unattractive, but this is just fantastic. Fantastic!