~baby~doll~ heart on her sleeve

[~baby~doll~]

Shores of Desire
long ago i saw with the eyes of a child and desired all
i looked over candy counters and the toy section of every department store
such eyes i had

as i grew larger things caught my eye
my desire grew as i

now i desire only to be
i want to search my heart
my mind
my center

desire has changed me
with age i seek all which is me
what makes me the one i am
what drives me
what is my soul
do i have one
is my energy someday to be released in a puff of smoke
where does it go

desire has changed and need disappears in a fog
one day i will cease to be
what is at the trails end

what do i desire at the end
i do not believe in a heaven or a hell
i believe in no magic afterlife
i just wonder and desire to know
what is in the ebb and flow

[~baby~doll~]

At Long Last

Sailing on memories waters
The fog rolls in
What have I done today
Oh God where have i been

The seeds of past have been planted
The plants once bright are drooped and thin
my mind twists in ways i do not understand
all the memory turns bland.

i glimpse now moments of clarity
when crystal clear all things become
i blink my eyes twice against the light
now my mind again is numb

i write these words which now to me are very clear
in the morning when i focus
all i will do is shed a tear
and i'll walk away filled with fear

yes there are times as now when the curtains open
and sunlight shines right through
i have this joy for just this moment
as tomorrow i may not remember you

i look at images of faces
once recalled as well as places
dimly lit is the place where i am seated
it hides my fears and the soon forgotten tears

Now i say it with emotion
i say to her i love you too
but as i turn to walk to brand new spaces
i may in the end forget her too

[~baby~doll~]

Fade
all of me gone
into Her
all my parts melting
into Her
all my bones turning to dust
into Her
i am shadow
of Her
my face diminishes in size, shape and visibility
Hers
my soul devoured
by Her
what is left of me
is Her
more than i know i yearn
for Her
pounding of my heart
is Her
waves of thought
for Her
all i am
is Her

[~baby~doll~]

my misery exceeds all my hopes

i feel cross when alone
it aches to the bone
more than this i can not carry
i mourn the friends i've had to bury

time it is to cast out my hopes
i write them down then burn the notes
cast a dark shadow on the snow
what is it you wish too know

i'll find a dress of black sack cloth
i'll not sit and aid my sloth
i bring Her tea on bended knees
Her word is harsh and never please

it is my duty to serve
it is Hers to crush my nerves
i can be happy as a bee
when i crawl on bended knee

[~baby~doll~]

Lost
i would never believe i could be so lost
i could find my way at any cost

now i sit and gaze at the walls
then stroll down empty halls

what is the day
help me find my way
do i live here and can i stay
tomorrow is another day

love is a grace
if we run the race
and keep the pace
some times i spin off and fly into space

where is the water i thirst
i could drink till i burst
i feel like i have been cursed

now it is good
everything as it should
knock on wood

my loves touch me
they help me see
they help me recall what i used to be
more often then not i drift in the sea
heaven knows what will come of me

does this color match
i burned another batch
when they go out i hear the latch

love is my answer