Corny jokes

MsTinkerbelly · 08-05-2013, 01:00 PM

Why does a mermaid wear seashells?

Because A is too small, and D is too big.

Mopsie · 08-06-2013, 10:30 AM

Why do so few melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe!

Janstevie · 08-06-2013, 11:30 AM

I’ve got a wife who never misses me. Her aim is perfect!

Wrang1er · 08-06-2013, 11:34 AM

What time is it when Sir Lancelot sees his belly button?

The middle of the KNIGHT.

Wrang1er · 08-06-2013, 11:35 AM

Why was the tomato blushing?

It saw the salad dressing.

Janstevie · 08-06-2013, 12:40 PM

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

Gráinne · 08-06-2013, 02:05 PM

When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar.

And I love shaggy dog stories (pointless jokes that go on and on...)

#1: Two big turtles and one little turtle decide to go to a soda fountain and have sarsaparillas (like root beer). While they are waiting for their drinks, it begins to rain.

One big turtle turns to the other and says, "Let's send Little Turtle back for our umbrellas!"

"No", said the little turtle. "If I leave, you will drink my sarsaparilla".

The two big turtles promise not to drink his sarsaparilla, and so the little turtle started out for the umbrellas.

A week goes by, and one big turtle says to the other, "Come on, let's drink his sarsaparilla".

A little voice from the back of the shop yells, "You do, and I won't go for the umbrellas!"

#2

A man goes to a bakery and ordered a cake in the shape of the letter "S". The baker says " Come back in a week".

When the man comes back, he looks at the cake and says, "This is all wrong. You made a print "S". I wanted a script "S"."

So the baker says "Come back in another week".

When the man comes back, the baker shows him a cake in the shape of a script "S". "It's perfect!", says the man.

"Would you like me to box it up for you?", says the baker.

"Oh that's all right. If you have a knife and fork, I'll eat it right here!", says the man.

VintageFemme · 08-10-2013, 06:52 AM

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say apple again?

Bells · 08-26-2013, 09:04 AM

ok so I made paper puppets one time and my corny joke was

Daughter: did you get a hair cut
Me: no I got them all cut

(hey she cracked up laughing , that's all that counts)

PoeticSilence · 08-27-2013, 02:53 PM

Q: So why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?
A: To get a long little doggie.

Laidbackgrly · 04-23-2014, 03:12 AM

Dolly Parton and Princess Diana die both goto heaven God says I have room for just one of you at this time and best hand will win! Dolly shows hers she has the best pair of boobs ever he thought Princess mad and jealous Douches and hands it to God and says Royal Flush beats a pair any day !

Happy_Go_Lucky · 04-23-2014, 10:21 AM

Candelion · 04-23-2014, 11:59 AM

Where does virgin wool come from? Ugly sheep.

Happy_Go_Lucky · 04-23-2014, 01:41 PM

What is the main ingredient in shepherd's pie?

A little bit of ewe.

Happy_Go_Lucky · 04-24-2014, 04:49 AM

Happy_Go_Lucky · 04-25-2014, 05:27 AM

Amber2010 · 05-13-2014, 07:45 AM

A husband goes into the confessional and starts talking about all the things he has done wrong. He then gets really quiet and the priest ask him what is wrong. Almost in a whisper he says "Father I think my wife is trying to kill me with poision." The priest says no way I will have a talk with your wife. A couple of days later he has the husband's wife in the confessional.. an hour goes by.. an hour and a half goes by... two hours go by... when it is over the preist goes into his office and calls the husband... He says after spending time with your wife I can only recommend you take the poisen.

Candelion · 05-13-2014, 11:48 AM

David Hasselhoff walks into a bar, orders a drink and says to the bartender: "I want you to call me David Hoff." "Sure," says the bartender, "No hassle."

Kobi · 05-13-2014, 03:59 PM

Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors?

Cuz if it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

Happy_Go_Lucky · 05-13-2014, 04:44 PM

08-06-2013, 02:05 PM	#7
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,864 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,118 Thanked 7,386 Times in 1,457 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	When is a door not a door? When it's ajar. And I love shaggy dog stories (pointless jokes that go on and on...) #1: Two big turtles and one little turtle decide to go to a soda fountain and have sarsaparillas (like root beer). While they are waiting for their drinks, it begins to rain. One big turtle turns to the other and says, "Let's send Little Turtle back for our umbrellas!" "No", said the little turtle. "If I leave, you will drink my sarsaparilla". The two big turtles promise not to drink his sarsaparilla, and so the little turtle started out for the umbrellas. A week goes by, and one big turtle says to the other, "Come on, let's drink his sarsaparilla". A little voice from the back of the shop yells, "You do, and I won't go for the umbrellas!" #2 A man goes to a bakery and ordered a cake in the shape of the letter "S". The baker says " Come back in a week". When the man comes back, he looks at the cake and says, "This is all wrong. You made a print "S". I wanted a script "S"." So the baker says "Come back in another week". When the man comes back, the baker shows him a cake in the shape of a script "S". "It's perfect!", says the man. "Would you like me to box it up for you?", says the baker. "Oh that's all right. If you have a knife and fork, I'll eat it right here!", says the man. __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

08-10-2013, 06:52 AM	#8
VintageFemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Outside Posts: 2,299 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,828 Thanked 7,620 Times in 1,655 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Knock Knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock Knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock Knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock Knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock Knock Who's there? Orange Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say apple again? __________________ Unfinished Business & Open to Serendipity

08-27-2013, 02:53 PM	#10
PoeticSilence Member How Do You Identify?: dodges labels Relationship Status: Estranged Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Midwest Posts: 454 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3 Thanked 919 Times in 277 Posts Rep Power: 10661585	Q: So why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund? A: To get a long little doggie. __________________ Love is all you need.

04-23-2014, 10:21 AM	#12
Happy_Go_Lucky Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?: Handsome devil you. Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Anywhere I want to be Posts: 677 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,203 Thanked 3,365 Times in 627 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	__________________ Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.

04-23-2014, 01:41 PM	#14
Happy_Go_Lucky Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?: Handsome devil you. Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Anywhere I want to be Posts: 677 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,203 Thanked 3,365 Times in 627 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	What is the main ingredient in shepherd's pie? A little bit of ewe. __________________ Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.

08-05-2013, 01:00 PM	#1
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,901 Times in 5,017 Posts Rep Power: 0	Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because A is too small, and D is too big.

08-06-2013, 10:30 AM	#2
Mopsie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Female ones Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Shenandoah Valley Virginia Posts: 4,769 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 36,246 Thanked 8,551 Times in 1,856 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	One of the other case managers just told me this one ... Why do so few melons get married? Because they cantaloupe!

08-06-2013, 11:30 AM	#3
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I’ve got a wife who never misses me. Her aim is perfect!

08-06-2013, 11:34 AM	#4
Wrang1er Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Me, myself and I Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Here Posts: 1,526 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 7,043 Times in 1,354 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	What time is it when Sir Lancelot sees his belly button? The middle of the KNIGHT.

08-06-2013, 11:35 AM	#5
Wrang1er Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Me, myself and I Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Here Posts: 1,526 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 7,043 Times in 1,354 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Why was the tomato blushing? It saw the salad dressing.

08-06-2013, 12:40 PM	#6
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

08-26-2013, 09:04 AM	#9
Bells Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, Relationship Status: yep , i got one Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: anywhere south of I-40 Posts: 106 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 48 Thanked 298 Times in 80 Posts Rep Power: 1510617	ok so I made paper puppets one time and my corny joke was Daughter: did you get a hair cut Me: no I got them all cut (hey she cracked up laughing , that's all that counts)

04-23-2014, 03:12 AM	#11
Laidbackgrly Junior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: . Posts: 80 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4 Thanked 69 Times in 25 Posts Rep Power: 431749	Dolly Parton and Princess Diana die both goto heaven God says I have room for just one of you at this time and best hand will win! Dolly shows hers she has the best pair of boobs ever he thought Princess mad and jealous Douches and hands it to God and says Royal Flush beats a pair any day !

04-23-2014, 11:59 AM	#13
Candelion Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she/her/you Relationship Status: He can till my field. Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Canada Posts: 1,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,396 Thanked 4,029 Times in 895 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	Where does virgin wool come from? Ugly sheep.

04-24-2014, 04:49 AM	#15
Happy_Go_Lucky Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?: Handsome devil you. Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Anywhere I want to be Posts: 677 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,203 Thanked 3,365 Times in 627 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	__________________ Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.

04-25-2014, 05:27 AM	#16
Happy_Go_Lucky Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?: Handsome devil you. Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Anywhere I want to be Posts: 677 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,203 Thanked 3,365 Times in 627 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	__________________ Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.

05-13-2014, 07:45 AM	#17
Amber2010 Member How Do You Identify?: Happy, Crazy, Bubbly, Funny, Strong, Outgoing, Friendly Preferred Pronoun?: Femme Relationship Status: Complicated Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Florida Posts: 200 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 920 Thanked 594 Times in 154 Posts Rep Power: 3787185	A husband goes into the confessional and starts talking about all the things he has done wrong. He then gets really quiet and the priest ask him what is wrong. Almost in a whisper he says "Father I think my wife is trying to kill me with poision." The priest says no way I will have a talk with your wife. A couple of days later he has the husband's wife in the confessional.. an hour goes by.. an hour and a half goes by... two hours go by... when it is over the preist goes into his office and calls the husband... He says after spending time with your wife I can only recommend you take the poisen.

05-13-2014, 11:48 AM	#18
Candelion Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she/her/you Relationship Status: He can till my field. Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Canada Posts: 1,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,396 Thanked 4,029 Times in 895 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	David Hasselhoff walks into a bar, orders a drink and says to the bartender: "I want you to call me David Hoff." "Sure," says the bartender, "No hassle."

05-13-2014, 03:59 PM	#19
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,617 Times in 7,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors? Cuz if it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

05-13-2014, 04:44 PM	#20
Happy_Go_Lucky Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?: Handsome devil you. Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Anywhere I want to be Posts: 677 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,203 Thanked 3,365 Times in 627 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	__________________ Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.