Poly-friendly mingling/flirting thread

bright_arrow · 08-14-2013, 06:49 PM

When I was younger and still in the closet, I had a girlfriend but also a boyfriend, more for show, but a good friend of mine. Closest I have ever come to being poly! Don't think I could do it.. Hell, I like to be the center of someone's universe

.. but I respect those that do. And I have to second what someone said earlier, if I was single I do not think I would broach the topic of dating with someone who is poly, no matter how much I may like them - would recognize I couldn't be their everything, and that would be that.

Bad_boi · 09-19-2013, 06:44 AM

Once everything stops being hectic I'd like to join a polyfamily or make one. Then make a cuddle pile with kisses and sex.<3

girl_dee · 09-20-2013, 05:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bad_boi

Once everything stops being hectic I'd like to join a polyfamily or make one. Then make a cuddle pile with kisses and sex.<3

no offense but if you think that's all there is to poly, boy are you in for a surprise. You ain't seen what hectic can be, lol. It's also an amazing wonderful thing if it's taken seriously and all are honest.

Good luck

Bad_boi · 09-20-2013, 06:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee

no offense but if you think that's all there is to poly, boy are you in for a surprise. You ain't seen what hectic can be, lol. It's also an amazing wonderful thing if it's taken seriously and all are honest.

Good luck

I have been in a poly relationship before. I know it is not all happy fun time all the time. I understand the chaos it can bring but it can be a lot of fun just like any other relationship.

MsBluem · 01-03-2014, 07:18 PM

My primary partner is out on a date tonight. I can't wait to hear all about it...but it would sure be nice to have one too but I'm marooned in a conservative wasteland where it's hard for someone like me to land a date. Can't wait to move this summer.

PearlsNLace · 01-03-2014, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsBluem

Can't wait to move this summer.

Where are you moving to?

LoyalWolfsBlade · 01-03-2014, 09:53 PM

I second that question

MsBluem · 01-05-2014, 08:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PearlsNLace

Where are you moving to?

Ideally Chicago/the suburbs for now, I promised my grandma I wouldn't move too far from her while she's living. Haha the perks of being the favoring grand kid.

imperfect_cupcake · 01-03-2014, 10:52 PM

I know that I'm not wired for certain kinds of poly.

I'm also one of those weirdos that can do monogamy and non-monogamy. I used to be able to ONLY do nonmonog but I was married monogamously and it was absolutely fine. After that I got into a polyfidelity arrangement and LOVED it.

So I can do non-monogamy (swinging. Did that for decades. Just sex or sex and friendship outside of my relationship - emotionally romantically monogamous) or I can be in poly fidelity with three, a triad all of us romantically linked to each other and having sex with each other. But I can't do multiple equal partners open, or primary relationship with second and third others.

But I'm not finding any. The second I say I can do monogamy the nonmonog people run, and the second I say I can do nonmonog the monog people run. It's kind of like being bisexual again *eyeball roll*

Yes but which way do you prefer??

Um. Depends on the fucking person I'm with?

Honestly.

Single and looking for fun at the moment after coming out of a self imposed celibacy stint to heal, which was great! But now would really appreciate some play friends and friendship but finding it insanely hard to find. Everyone wants a relationship with sex, even the poly folk I see on the dating sites.

JustLovelyJenn · 01-03-2014, 11:12 PM

Oh... My... Goodness...

I cant believe I have never seen this thread *parks it*

Ms. Meander · 01-04-2014, 06:58 AM

Hello!

I am an ethical non-monogamist. If I'm doing labels I also identify with the term, Solo Polyamorist. What that means to me is that I am not seeking a primary partner or wish to establish any kind of hierarchical relationship system of my own. I am my own primary partner.

But that does not mean I am not seeking meaningful connections, open to, and capable of love and the possibility of long-term commitments. In fact, meaningful connection is imperative. There are many ways of creating and sustaining alternative relationships as long as all parties are really secure with themselves, know who they are and what they want, are extremely open, honest, and communicative, and are safe and sane. I know it's a lot to ask and honestly, it's hard to find. But I'm patient (except when I'm not). I'd rather be alone than enter into anything that does not meet these basic criteria.

I currently have one lover who fits the bill and I adore her. Just having someone in my life who shares similar values and ethics, and can practice them with me, feeds my soul.

In general, I find myself with no lack of suitors but most of them are not poly-minded. When I bring it up, one of two things happens: 1) They cut and run 2) They decide they like me so much that maybe they would be willing to consider it. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and space to evolve, but this is often disastrous because what usually happens is that this person is not really okay with it, is actually hoping that I'll change my mind and make them my one and only, and people get hurt. Another thing that happens is that they will keep me as an option until someone else comes along who suits their relationship style better. You know what? That hurts my feelings! Just because I'm non-monogamous does not mean I don't have feelings. And ya know --- I'm not here to convince anyone of anything. I just want to be met on equal ground.

So, there's my nutshell introduction. Pleased to meet you! <insert curtsey>
xo

LoyalWolfsBlade · 01-04-2014, 01:07 PM

I was just thinking how funny it was that almost everything about me has evolved including being poly. I am more open to discussing what poly looks like to my partners than when I was younger and took the this is what my poly is approach. However like many of you as soon as someone learns that I am poly they usually run the other way or keep me around until someone monogamous shows up and I would rather be single then be anyone's second choice. I enjoy being poly all that goes with it including the hectic times. Okay so I don't enjoy being a single poly person but that is all part of life and will change I am sure. I also get tired of explaining to non poly people that it isn't all about sex. Hell I have had poly relationships that didn't involve sex at all but was very satisfying. Anyways just wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year

JustLovelyJenn · 01-04-2014, 01:21 PM

I tend to be very quiet in threads like this, with just occasional blurps of information... but as I do like to at least introduce myself... here goes.

I have been openly poly for over a decade, however a majority of my relationships have been monogamous. I love completely, no matter who or how many I love. And I find joy and happiness in watching my partner with someone else, when the connection is right. That being said, I am most comfortable with a primary relationship and things stretching out from there. But, that does not mean something different couldn't feel right, and I am open to that...

Right, I will just sit and listen now.

Sweet Bliss · 01-04-2014, 02:26 PM

So where do "den mother" types fit into the big picture?

I have decided that Great Spirit has no plan to pair me up.

Would be interested in "Walton's " type family commune sorta kinda thing.

Friendly community type folks who enjoy companionship. Or folks who need a break, or my personal fave, disabled folks, kinda like a Golden Girls thing only funner.

I wonder if there is a thread for this?

I daydream about a house full of roomies that are one big family like the Waltons.

01-03-2014, 07:18 PM	#5
MsBluem Member How Do You Identify?: Queer femme Preferred Pronoun?: feminine ones are fine Relationship Status: open Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Indiana Posts: 397 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 333 Thanked 1,844 Times in 371 Posts Rep Power: 16353569	My primary partner is out on a date tonight. I can't wait to hear all about it...but it would sure be nice to have one too but I'm marooned in a conservative wasteland where it's hard for someone like me to land a date. Can't wait to move this summer. __________________ “Never forget who you are, for surely the world won’t. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.”

01-03-2014, 09:53 PM	#7
LoyalWolfsBlade Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Pre-Op FtM, Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones plz Relationship Status: Single but haven't given up on finding the One Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: I gaze upon the same moon as you do Posts: 3,827 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,214 Thanked 9,646 Times in 3,123 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I second that question __________________ Life should never be stagnant hence my quest for new knowledge will continue until my last breath. Wolf

01-03-2014, 11:12 PM	#10
JustLovelyJenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: That's Need to Know Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Aberdeen, WA Posts: 4,478 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,464 Thanked 13,992 Times in 3,684 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Oh... My... Goodness... I cant believe I have never seen this thread parks it __________________ --Jenn

01-04-2014, 06:58 AM	#11
Ms. Meander Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Femme Relationship Status: Ethical Nonmonogamist Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: The Mountains Posts: 1,520 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,706 Thanked 5,211 Times in 1,147 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Hello! I am an ethical non-monogamist. If I'm doing labels I also identify with the term, Solo Polyamorist. What that means to me is that I am not seeking a primary partner or wish to establish any kind of hierarchical relationship system of my own. I am my own primary partner. But that does not mean I am not seeking meaningful connections, open to, and capable of love and the possibility of long-term commitments. In fact, meaningful connection is imperative. There are many ways of creating and sustaining alternative relationships as long as all parties are really secure with themselves, know who they are and what they want, are extremely open, honest, and communicative, and are safe and sane. I know it's a lot to ask and honestly, it's hard to find. But I'm patient (except when I'm not). I'd rather be alone than enter into anything that does not meet these basic criteria. I currently have one lover who fits the bill and I adore her. Just having someone in my life who shares similar values and ethics, and can practice them with me, feeds my soul. In general, I find myself with no lack of suitors but most of them are not poly-minded. When I bring it up, one of two things happens: 1) They cut and run 2) They decide they like me so much that maybe they would be willing to consider it. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and space to evolve, but this is often disastrous because what usually happens is that this person is not really okay with it, is actually hoping that I'll change my mind and make them my one and only, and people get hurt. Another thing that happens is that they will keep me as an option until someone else comes along who suits their relationship style better. You know what? That hurts my feelings! Just because I'm non-monogamous does not mean I don't have feelings. And ya know --- I'm not here to convince anyone of anything. I just want to be met on equal ground. So, there's my nutshell introduction. Pleased to meet you! <insert curtsey> xo __________________ My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who and how you are, to astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness. Continue to allow humor to lighten the burden of your tender heart. - Maya Angelou

01-04-2014, 01:07 PM	#12
LoyalWolfsBlade Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Pre-Op FtM, Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones plz Relationship Status: Single but haven't given up on finding the One Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: I gaze upon the same moon as you do Posts: 3,827 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,214 Thanked 9,646 Times in 3,123 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I was just thinking how funny it was that almost everything about me has evolved including being poly. I am more open to discussing what poly looks like to my partners than when I was younger and took the this is what my poly is approach. However like many of you as soon as someone learns that I am poly they usually run the other way or keep me around until someone monogamous shows up and I would rather be single then be anyone's second choice. I enjoy being poly all that goes with it including the hectic times. Okay so I don't enjoy being a single poly person but that is all part of life and will change I am sure. I also get tired of explaining to non poly people that it isn't all about sex. Hell I have had poly relationships that didn't involve sex at all but was very satisfying. Anyways just wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year __________________ Life should never be stagnant hence my quest for new knowledge will continue until my last breath. Wolf

08-14-2013, 06:49 PM	#1
bright_arrow ☆ the stars are aligned ☆ How Do You Identify?: one queer mama Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: married to my Boo Daddy <3 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: nor cal Posts: 2,910 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,644 Thanked 9,363 Times in 2,296 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	When I was younger and still in the closet, I had a girlfriend but also a boyfriend, more for show, but a good friend of mine. Closest I have ever come to being poly! Don't think I could do it.. Hell, I like to be the center of someone's universe .. but I respect those that do. And I have to second what someone said earlier, if I was single I do not think I would broach the topic of dating with someone who is poly, no matter how much I may like them - would recognize I couldn't be their everything, and that would be that.

09-19-2013, 06:44 AM	#2
Bad_boi Member How Do You Identify?: Transman (male) Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him, His ect. Relationship Status: Handsome bastard. Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Seattle Posts: 727 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 122 Thanked 1,824 Times in 499 Posts Rep Power: 0	Once everything stops being hectic I'd like to join a polyfamily or make one. Then make a cuddle pile with kisses and sex.<3

01-03-2014, 10:52 PM	#9
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I know that I'm not wired for certain kinds of poly. I'm also one of those weirdos that can do monogamy and non-monogamy. I used to be able to ONLY do nonmonog but I was married monogamously and it was absolutely fine. After that I got into a polyfidelity arrangement and LOVED it. So I can do non-monogamy (swinging. Did that for decades. Just sex or sex and friendship outside of my relationship - emotionally romantically monogamous) or I can be in poly fidelity with three, a triad all of us romantically linked to each other and having sex with each other. But I can't do multiple equal partners open, or primary relationship with second and third others. But I'm not finding any. The second I say I can do monogamy the nonmonog people run, and the second I say I can do nonmonog the monog people run. It's kind of like being bisexual again eyeball roll Yes but which way do you prefer?? Um. Depends on the fucking person I'm with? Honestly. Single and looking for fun at the moment after coming out of a self imposed celibacy stint to heal, which was great! But now would really appreciate some play friends and friendship but finding it insanely hard to find. Everyone wants a relationship with sex, even the poly folk I see on the dating sites.

01-04-2014, 01:21 PM	#13
JustLovelyJenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: That's Need to Know Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Aberdeen, WA Posts: 4,478 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,464 Thanked 13,992 Times in 3,684 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I tend to be very quiet in threads like this, with just occasional blurps of information... but as I do like to at least introduce myself... here goes. I have been openly poly for over a decade, however a majority of my relationships have been monogamous. I love completely, no matter who or how many I love. And I find joy and happiness in watching my partner with someone else, when the connection is right. That being said, I am most comfortable with a primary relationship and things stretching out from there. But, that does not mean something different couldn't feel right, and I am open to that... Right, I will just sit and listen now. __________________ --Jenn

01-04-2014, 02:26 PM	#14
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,268 Times in 2,159 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	question? So where do "den mother" types fit into the big picture? I have decided that Great Spirit has no plan to pair me up. Would be interested in "Walton's " type family commune sorta kinda thing. Friendly community type folks who enjoy companionship. Or folks who need a break, or my personal fave, disabled folks, kinda like a Golden Girls thing only funner. I wonder if there is a thread for this? I daydream about a house full of roomies that are one big family like the Waltons.