Long Distance Relationships

tndoc · 08-18-2013, 07:50 AM

It really is to each is own.
I have seen them work, with alot of trust and understanding.
And sometimes they end in disaster.

i'd be willing to try, but again. to find the right one to have a sound foundation of friendship, trust and loyalty to one another.

i will enjoy reading every one elses responses.

RockOn · 08-18-2013, 08:19 AM

I did one LDR. That was enough. I will never ever do another one. Just not for me for many reasons.

LDRs have worked great for lots of people. I am happy for them.

Also, I love to see couples who really are in love stick together and work things out when bumpy roads are encountered.

*smiling and waving at all you happy couples who met through a LDR*

Soft*Silver · 08-18-2013, 09:08 AM

I think it depends on the two people and the circumstances around them.

I also think it depends on your stability, and ability to be patient.

The biggest mistake I have made, and watched others make, was to jump into relationships too quickly online, and move to the other person because of how intense and deep it felt while we spent some moments together when we did meet.

There is a honeymoon stage couples go thru. Then reality stage. Then, the commitment stage should happen. In LDs, I have not given the reality stage long enough.

And, giving up our roots is a big deal too. I left good jobs, wonderful housing, precious things, to be with people I thought were going to be my Forever Butch. I regret doing that. And at my age, I will not do that again. I put my foot down and said, "never again" and I mean it. So much so, that I have left one LDR, and refused to start another one, both with people I dearly loved, because I would not and they would not, relocate.

Do I think they can work? Absolutely. But the term needs to be Long Distance Long Term Relationship. They need time. Lots of time. More so than local relationships, in my opinion...

Heavenleahangel · 08-18-2013, 09:11 AM

In my experience, LDR's can work if one of two things are in play. 1) Both parties are content with only seeing each other when it can be worked out or 2) Both parties go into the "getting to know each other" stage understanding someone will be relocating.
Of course it takes someone with morals in everything as honesty is an utmost essential. If two people are within reasonable distance then surprise visits and getting to see someone when they are not on their best behavior or their house isn't immaculate is ideal. You get to see the good and unfortunately, the not so good side of a person. But when the distance is far or one of the parties can't travel/visit, then that makes it harder to truly get to see the other party for who/what they are.
It can work and I have seen it work. A LDR can last just as a traditional relationship can. But being honest and dedication are key.

Koffeelvr · 08-18-2013, 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tndoc

It really is to each is own.
I have seen them work, with alot of trust and understanding.
And sometimes they end in disaster.

i'd be willing to try, but again. to find the right one to have a sound foundation of friendship, trust and loyalty to one another.

i will enjoy reading every one elses responses.

Well put tndoc. I feel the same way.

Metro · 09-28-2013, 05:26 AM

Have been pondering this subject in the last year or so and have modified my personal view (as it applies to me) – to a degree. Traveling up to 4 hours would be doable. Friendships aside, any more than 1/2 day drive and I would find it difficult to get and remain connected on an intimate level. Phone/email/Skype just doesn't replace the in-person cues that help me know a partner and become known.

BestButchBoy · 09-28-2013, 06:27 AM

The only way to get to know someone is spend time with them in real time in real life. If you cannot afford to see one another on a regular and continual basis, OR, if neither of you can or will move to a location where you can actually spend time together to get to know one another; YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME. These are facts. Indisputable. Facts.

Miss Scarlett · 09-28-2013, 09:00 AM

There are 3 "T"s and 1 "C" and 1 "R" important to every relationship whether they are LDR or not...

TIME - rushing things is seldom a good idea and rarely, if ever, does it set a firm cornerstone. You absolutely must take the time to get to know each other...life isn't like the movies.

TRUTH - always be truthful. Never tell someone what they want to hear or what you think they want to hear. When there is distance between you it's easy to fall into this. And so easy to believe you can say one thing while doing the opposite...after all, who's going to know? (BTW, this isn't unique to LDRs either...I actually had this happen to me about a bazillion years ago while the person was living under my roof!)

TRUST - You have to be able to trust each other. Once trust is broken it's extremely difficult, if not impossible, to repair.

COMMUNICATION - a must in every relationship. In LDRs it is especially important because that's really the only time you have together when you are apart. I don't mean this has to be constant, it just has to be consistent. No matter how busy someone is it only takes a second to send a text or an email or even a quick phone call. Even sending a card via snail mail works.

RESPECT - respect each other, respect yourselves.

Kätzchen · 11-24-2018, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BestButchBoy

The only way to get to know someone is spend time with them in real time in real life. If you cannot afford to see one another on a regular and continual basis, OR, if neither of you can or will move to a location where you can actually spend time together to get to know one another; YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME. These are facts. Indisputable. Facts.

My favorite post in this thread, and I heartily agree with BBB.

Cheers,

Vincent · 11-24-2018, 04:28 PM

Thats true,I actually met my ex in real life after 3 weeks,to see if it was really there,I paid for her to come here.

But I'm not looking for the white picket fence,not any more.

And Ive had to be honest about that for me,I love being alone,I dont get lonely,I would like to meet someone who feels the same,is happy in their life,but would like a bit of fun.

Ive also never gone from one partner to another,ive been single now for 5 yrs,I also always keep online platonic until we actually meet,so we can still be friends and enjoy the time together.

unfortunatly,I am in a very small drop in the community,so online is my only dating avenue,but I wont be dishonest in regards to what I can give.

Although this is life,I dont have a blueprint of outcomes.

JDeere · 02-15-2019, 11:14 PM

I am dwelling into the dating/relationship thing again.

This time she resides on the east coast and I am here going in between Texas and Oklahoma.

She wants to come visit, but I have no clue how I am going to ask my folks if she can visit, since my last ex left much to be desired with my folks.

Also my mom suffers from "Noone is good enough for my baby" syndrome and when ladies find this out, they run.

I am also working on trying to move out on my own but here in Texas it doesn't seem possible, it's way expensive and I know where I can get help in Oklahoma so I may move back up to Oklahoma.

08-18-2013, 09:08 AM	#3
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,894 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	I think it depends on the two people and the circumstances around them. I also think it depends on your stability, and ability to be patient. The biggest mistake I have made, and watched others make, was to jump into relationships too quickly online, and move to the other person because of how intense and deep it felt while we spent some moments together when we did meet. There is a honeymoon stage couples go thru. Then reality stage. Then, the commitment stage should happen. In LDs, I have not given the reality stage long enough. And, giving up our roots is a big deal too. I left good jobs, wonderful housing, precious things, to be with people I thought were going to be my Forever Butch. I regret doing that. And at my age, I will not do that again. I put my foot down and said, "never again" and I mean it. So much so, that I have left one LDR, and refused to start another one, both with people I dearly loved, because I would not and they would not, relocate. Do I think they can work? Absolutely. But the term needs to be Long Distance Long Term Relationship. They need time. Lots of time. More so than local relationships, in my opinion... __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

08-18-2013, 09:11 AM	#4
Heavenleahangel Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Femme; Earth bound Angel and Babygirl; Preferred Pronoun?: She, Angel, as long as it's respectful Relationship Status: Waiting for the One who can complete me Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Albany, NY~but originally from Georgia Posts: 562 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,257 Thanked 2,068 Times in 468 Posts Rep Power: 18675554	In my experience, LDR's can work if one of two things are in play. 1) Both parties are content with only seeing each other when it can be worked out or 2) Both parties go into the "getting to know each other" stage understanding someone will be relocating. Of course it takes someone with morals in everything as honesty is an utmost essential. If two people are within reasonable distance then surprise visits and getting to see someone when they are not on their best behavior or their house isn't immaculate is ideal. You get to see the good and unfortunately, the not so good side of a person. But when the distance is far or one of the parties can't travel/visit, then that makes it harder to truly get to see the other party for who/what they are. It can work and I have seen it work. A LDR can last just as a traditional relationship can. But being honest and dedication are key. __________________ Sweet Georgia Peach

11-24-2018, 04:28 PM	#10
Vincent Member How Do You Identify?: Transman Preferred Pronoun?: Him,he Relationship Status: just me Join Date: Apr 2015 Location: Tweed Heads Australia Posts: 427 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,205 Thanked 936 Times in 335 Posts Rep Power: 12178444	Thats true,I actually met my ex in real life after 3 weeks,to see if it was really there,I paid for her to come here. But I'm not looking for the white picket fence,not any more. And Ive had to be honest about that for me,I love being alone,I dont get lonely,I would like to meet someone who feels the same,is happy in their life,but would like a bit of fun. Ive also never gone from one partner to another,ive been single now for 5 yrs,I also always keep online platonic until we actually meet,so we can still be friends and enjoy the time together. unfortunatly,I am in a very small drop in the community,so online is my only dating avenue,but I wont be dishonest in regards to what I can give. Although this is life,I dont have a blueprint of outcomes. __________________ https://soundcloud.com/conormont https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kb1y2xyfYSw If Not Me-Who If Not Now-When If Not Here-Where

08-18-2013, 07:50 AM	#1
tndoc Timed Out How Do You Identify?: FtM Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: One Day Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: TN <3 of America Posts: 132 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 442 Thanked 462 Times in 108 Posts Rep Power: 0	It really is to each is own. I have seen them work, with alot of trust and understanding. And sometimes they end in disaster. i'd be willing to try, but again. to find the right one to have a sound foundation of friendship, trust and loyalty to one another. i will enjoy reading every one elses responses.

08-18-2013, 08:19 AM	#2
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,304 Times in 2,610 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I did one LDR. That was enough. I will never ever do another one. Just not for me for many reasons. LDRs have worked great for lots of people. I am happy for them. Also, I love to see couples who really are in love stick together and work things out when bumpy roads are encountered. smiling and waving at all you happy couples who met through a LDR

09-28-2013, 05:26 AM	#6
Metro Senior Member How Do You Identify?: • Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: • Posts: 1,606 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,476 Thanked 2,911 Times in 730 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Have been pondering this subject in the last year or so and have modified my personal view (as it applies to me) – to a degree. Traveling up to 4 hours would be doable. Friendships aside, any more than 1/2 day drive and I would find it difficult to get and remain connected on an intimate level. Phone/email/Skype just doesn't replace the in-person cues that help me know a partner and become known.

09-28-2013, 06:27 AM	#7
BestButchBoy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Male ID Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 3,925 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 406 Thanked 5,438 Times in 2,037 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	The only way to get to know someone is spend time with them in real time in real life. If you cannot afford to see one another on a regular and continual basis, OR, if neither of you can or will move to a location where you can actually spend time together to get to know one another; YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME. These are facts. Indisputable. Facts.

09-28-2013, 09:00 AM	#8
Miss Scarlett Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: . Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: . Posts: 5,530 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,478 Thanked 12,947 Times in 3,419 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	There are 3 "T"s and 1 "C" and 1 "R" important to every relationship whether they are LDR or not... TIME - rushing things is seldom a good idea and rarely, if ever, does it set a firm cornerstone. You absolutely must take the time to get to know each other...life isn't like the movies. TRUTH - always be truthful. Never tell someone what they want to hear or what you think they want to hear. When there is distance between you it's easy to fall into this. And so easy to believe you can say one thing while doing the opposite...after all, who's going to know? (BTW, this isn't unique to LDRs either...I actually had this happen to me about a bazillion years ago while the person was living under my roof!) TRUST - You have to be able to trust each other. Once trust is broken it's extremely difficult, if not impossible, to repair. COMMUNICATION - a must in every relationship. In LDRs it is especially important because that's really the only time you have together when you are apart. I don't mean this has to be constant, it just has to be consistent. No matter how busy someone is it only takes a second to send a text or an email or even a quick phone call. Even sending a card via snail mail works. RESPECT - respect each other, respect yourselves.

02-15-2019, 11:14 PM	#11
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,833 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	I am dwelling into the dating/relationship thing again. This time she resides on the east coast and I am here going in between Texas and Oklahoma. She wants to come visit, but I have no clue how I am going to ask my folks if she can visit, since my last ex left much to be desired with my folks. Also my mom suffers from "Noone is good enough for my baby" syndrome and when ladies find this out, they run. I am also working on trying to move out on my own but here in Texas it doesn't seem possible, it's way expensive and I know where I can get help in Oklahoma so I may move back up to Oklahoma.