"Adult Only" or "Childless Weddings"

DapperButch · 08-26-2013, 09:44 PM

I see nothing wrong with having an adult only wedding.

MsTinkerbelly · 08-26-2013, 09:57 PM

Personally i wanted all of my friends and family at my weddings...for *me* i think marriage is about family and that includes the kids.

I also get limited incomes and not wanting unruly children....truly a personal choice. I don't judge anyone's choice.

always2late · 08-26-2013, 10:02 PM

I don't see anything wrong with having an "adult only" wedding. Actually not including children is practical if you are having your wedding at a venue where you are paying per person. Including everyone's children can be very costly. Also, most of the wedding receptions I've attended didn't begin until the early evening, and continued on until the early morning (not exactly child-friendly hours).

Kelt · 08-26-2013, 10:00 PM

I also see nothing wrong with it. The people paying for the party get to pick who comes whatever their criteria. I would however stipulate that if they invite parents who cannot or don't wish to bear the extra expense of having a sitter choose not to attend, they should not be offended.

I don't think an invitation should be seen as an obligation. That is what the R.S.V.P. is for.

LaneyDoll · 08-26-2013, 10:03 PM

I have three kids and I am not offended by an "adults only" wedding. Weddings are expensive and if someone forks out all that cash for one, they should get the dream wedding they want.

I attended a wedding once where the flower girl and the ring bearer stole the show by kissing as they sat on the steps leading to the staged area. Yes it was cute. But they started kissing more intently, mouths closed obviously, and the entire audience was in hysterics.

The bride told me later that she was pretty troubled over all the laughter because she did not know that was going on. She only heard the people literally laughing at her wedding. And, that commotion translated to the video so she lost $$$ on that investment as well.

People get so offended easily these days. It is not that someone hates "your" children. It is merely that they want their day to go smoothly.

"your" as a general term

EDIT TO ADD: and realistically, my kids would probably prefer to be at their grandmother's house anyway

Gráinne · 08-26-2013, 10:07 PM

I too have three kids (one with Downs') and would not be offended. I've attended several adult weddings, and enjoyed not having to corral the kids everywhere or watch their behavior.

In my own wedding, I hired a babysitter and a room for all the kids to go color/play. Two of my bridesmaids had nursing babies, so they had to come.

not2shygrrl · 08-26-2013, 10:39 PM

It seems that no matter the intent for leaving kids out of invites for a wedding....inevitably someone(s) in the family are insulted. In my family, and I stress ~my family~ leaving the kids out is something we don't do. The celebration is something when discussed at a later time the kids can also add in their good time and memories. Most caterers will accommodate kids if its a deal breaker. It was tried unsuccessfully once and has not been tried again at this point. I don't have kids, but if I did and if they were not invited....I would not attend. This includes the informal weddings up to the most formal. Nor would I be nasty about it.

Breathless · 08-26-2013, 11:03 PM

I have children, and I take no offence to adults only wedding . I kind of take offence to people taking offence?!? It is their money, and a lot of it, they should be able to spend how they choose. Their special day. It is not about you, and they loved you enough to invite you to share in it, be thankful :-) besides they are already stressed out about the mom/ dad/stepdad new super young wife family drama, don't add to it!!

**** you is generic, no really it is

imperfect_cupcake · 08-27-2013, 12:36 AM

at my goodbye party in england I asked that it be childfree. It was an afternoon event but it was the very last time I got to see most of my friends. I did not want to have to control my language nor watch what came out of my mouth (some of us were sex workers and many of us were into kink/bdsm and the jokes were not childfriendly). It was my last day with these people. I did not know if I'd ever see some of them again. I did not want to have to edit myself.

Once of my friends asked to bring her three boys. I said the above but added "if it's ok that they play in the next room with the door closed and music on, then that's fine. but you are aware of the adult conversation that will be taking place, because of some of our employment, right?"

she did not respond nor did she come, nor did we speak till I had been in canada for a couple of months. I think she was upset or pissed off. I was sad that she did not come but really, really... last day with people I had known for ten years. no. My conversations with them are not going to be child friendly.

There were kids at my wedding. and at my reception. it's up to the parent. they know what we are like. There were games and prizes that were not child friendly. It's amsterdam ffs. the few kids were taken upstairs by the parents that it mattered to. The kids were kept on a very short leash and put to bed very early. The party went to 4am. I woke up in the bed with five little stuffed sheep and my wife and don't recall getting there.

I figured it would be the parents job to make sure the kids stayed out of trouble, behaved and not see things they weren't supposed to. This happened.

If people want kid free weddings, I can understand, completely - perhaps their friends have kids that will be expected to accomodate them. But our wedding was not exactly child friendly and we did not make it to be so - there was no provisions made for them aside from a room upstairs that could be used to put them in away from the drinking, smoking, pot, dirty toasts, games with chocolate genitals as prizes, filthy drunk speeches later... a couple people dancing in their underwear with glued on fake moustaches to their crotches. it was the guests choice to bring the kids.

Martina · 08-27-2013, 01:53 AM

If you are making people travel, then I would expect them to bring their kids. If the kids have come a long way, it is rude to expect them to be babysat in a hotel room. I say create a separate space with fun stuff for them to do with a few parents and others sacrificing some party time to supervise. Or, make the reception later at night, when kids are asleep, and make sure that the kids have fun stuff to do all day.

I am all for adult only events, but I am not for making life hard for people with families.

I personally think that holding weddings at distant places where practically everyone invited has to travel to is asking a lot. If you are going to do that, then make sure everyone who makes the effort to be there has a good time.

08-26-2013, 09:44 PM	#1
DapperButch Roadster Guy How Do You Identify?: FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northeast Posts: 7,745 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,545 Thanked 26,814 Times in 5,772 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I see nothing wrong with having an adult only wedding. __________________ -Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated?

08-26-2013, 10:02 PM	#3
always2late Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: m'lady Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NJ Posts: 2,000 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,834 Thanked 6,231 Times in 1,462 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I don't see anything wrong with having an "adult only" wedding. Actually not including children is practical if you are having your wedding at a venue where you are paying per person. Including everyone's children can be very costly. Also, most of the wedding receptions I've attended didn't begin until the early evening, and continued on until the early morning (not exactly child-friendly hours). __________________ Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there ~ Rumi

08-26-2013, 10:03 PM	#5
LaneyDoll Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Girly girl femme Preferred Pronoun?: She; Ma'am; Miss ;) Relationship Status: Pitbull protected. Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Birmingham, AL Posts: 2,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,892 Thanked 7,683 Times in 1,607 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I have three kids and I am not offended by an "adults only" wedding. Weddings are expensive and if someone forks out all that cash for one, they should get the dream wedding they want. I attended a wedding once where the flower girl and the ring bearer stole the show by kissing as they sat on the steps leading to the staged area. Yes it was cute. But they started kissing more intently, mouths closed obviously, and the entire audience was in hysterics. The bride told me later that she was pretty troubled over all the laughter because she did not know that was going on. She only heard the people literally laughing at her wedding. And, that commotion translated to the video so she lost $$$ on that investment as well. People get so offended easily these days. It is not that someone hates "your" children. It is merely that they want their day to go smoothly. "your" as a general term EDIT TO ADD: and realistically, my kids would probably prefer to be at their grandmother's house anyway __________________ There are beauties who stop traffic and then there are beauties who grow obsessively in the hearts of the susceptible. Last edited by LaneyDoll; 08-26-2013 at 10:06 PM.

08-26-2013, 10:07 PM	#6
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,864 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,116 Thanked 7,388 Times in 1,457 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I too have three kids (one with Downs') and would not be offended. I've attended several adult weddings, and enjoyed not having to corral the kids everywhere or watch their behavior. In my own wedding, I hired a babysitter and a room for all the kids to go color/play. Two of my bridesmaids had nursing babies, so they had to come. __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

08-26-2013, 10:39 PM	#7
not2shygrrl Member How Do You Identify?: as a Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: under the cover of starry starry nights...enjoying a warm fire in the pit ! Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: in a cabin in the woods Posts: 636 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,068 Thanked 2,454 Times in 546 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I have been to both..... It seems that no matter the intent for leaving kids out of invites for a wedding....inevitably someone(s) in the family are insulted. In my family, and I stress ~my family~ leaving the kids out is something we don't do. The celebration is something when discussed at a later time the kids can also add in their good time and memories. Most caterers will accommodate kids if its a deal breaker. It was tried unsuccessfully once and has not been tried again at this point. I don't have kids, but if I did and if they were not invited....I would not attend. This includes the informal weddings up to the most formal. Nor would I be nasty about it.

08-26-2013, 09:57 PM	#2
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,908 Times in 5,019 Posts Rep Power: 0	Personally i wanted all of my friends and family at my weddings...for me i think marriage is about family and that includes the kids. I also get limited incomes and not wanting unruly children....truly a personal choice. I don't judge anyone's choice.

08-26-2013, 10:00 PM	#4
Kelt Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Beach Butch Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: SoCal Posts: 2,751 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 19,765 Thanked 15,301 Times in 2,539 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I also see nothing wrong with it. The people paying for the party get to pick who comes whatever their criteria. I would however stipulate that if they invite parents who cannot or don't wish to bear the extra expense of having a sitter choose not to attend, they should not be offended. I don't think an invitation should be seen as an obligation. That is what the R.S.V.P. is for.

08-26-2013, 11:03 PM	#8
Breathless Brat Extraordinaire How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Happy Tournaments Won: 23 Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Alberta Canada Posts: 1,412 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,549 Thanked 4,099 Times in 958 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I have children, and I take no offence to adults only wedding . I kind of take offence to people taking offence?!? It is their money, and a lot of it, they should be able to spend how they choose. Their special day. It is not about you, and they loved you enough to invite you to share in it, be thankful :-) besides they are already stressed out about the mom/ dad/stepdad new super young wife family drama, don't add to it!! ** you is generic, no really it is __________________ BE the change you wish to see in the world. Gandhi**

08-27-2013, 12:36 AM	#9
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,711 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	at my goodbye party in england I asked that it be childfree. It was an afternoon event but it was the very last time I got to see most of my friends. I did not want to have to control my language nor watch what came out of my mouth (some of us were sex workers and many of us were into kink/bdsm and the jokes were not childfriendly). It was my last day with these people. I did not know if I'd ever see some of them again. I did not want to have to edit myself. Once of my friends asked to bring her three boys. I said the above but added "if it's ok that they play in the next room with the door closed and music on, then that's fine. but you are aware of the adult conversation that will be taking place, because of some of our employment, right?" she did not respond nor did she come, nor did we speak till I had been in canada for a couple of months. I think she was upset or pissed off. I was sad that she did not come but really, really... last day with people I had known for ten years. no. My conversations with them are not going to be child friendly. There were kids at my wedding. and at my reception. it's up to the parent. they know what we are like. There were games and prizes that were not child friendly. It's amsterdam ffs. the few kids were taken upstairs by the parents that it mattered to. The kids were kept on a very short leash and put to bed very early. The party went to 4am. I woke up in the bed with five little stuffed sheep and my wife and don't recall getting there. I figured it would be the parents job to make sure the kids stayed out of trouble, behaved and not see things they weren't supposed to. This happened. If people want kid free weddings, I can understand, completely - perhaps their friends have kids that will be expected to accomodate them. But our wedding was not exactly child friendly and we did not make it to be so - there was no provisions made for them aside from a room upstairs that could be used to put them in away from the drinking, smoking, pot, dirty toasts, games with chocolate genitals as prizes, filthy drunk speeches later... a couple people dancing in their underwear with glued on fake moustaches to their crotches. it was the guests choice to bring the kids.

08-27-2013, 01:53 AM	#10
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,286 Times in 4,167 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	If you are making people travel, then I would expect them to bring their kids. If the kids have come a long way, it is rude to expect them to be babysat in a hotel room. I say create a separate space with fun stuff for them to do with a few parents and others sacrificing some party time to supervise. Or, make the reception later at night, when kids are asleep, and make sure that the kids have fun stuff to do all day. I am all for adult only events, but I am not for making life hard for people with families. I personally think that holding weddings at distant places where practically everyone invited has to travel to is asking a lot. If you are going to do that, then make sure everyone who makes the effort to be there has a good time.