"Adult Only" or "Childless Weddings"

imperfect_cupcake · 08-27-2013, 12:36 AM

at my goodbye party in england I asked that it be childfree. It was an afternoon event but it was the very last time I got to see most of my friends. I did not want to have to control my language nor watch what came out of my mouth (some of us were sex workers and many of us were into kink/bdsm and the jokes were not childfriendly). It was my last day with these people. I did not know if I'd ever see some of them again. I did not want to have to edit myself.

Once of my friends asked to bring her three boys. I said the above but added "if it's ok that they play in the next room with the door closed and music on, then that's fine. but you are aware of the adult conversation that will be taking place, because of some of our employment, right?"

she did not respond nor did she come, nor did we speak till I had been in canada for a couple of months. I think she was upset or pissed off. I was sad that she did not come but really, really... last day with people I had known for ten years. no. My conversations with them are not going to be child friendly.

There were kids at my wedding. and at my reception. it's up to the parent. they know what we are like. There were games and prizes that were not child friendly. It's amsterdam ffs. the few kids were taken upstairs by the parents that it mattered to. The kids were kept on a very short leash and put to bed very early. The party went to 4am. I woke up in the bed with five little stuffed sheep and my wife and don't recall getting there.

I figured it would be the parents job to make sure the kids stayed out of trouble, behaved and not see things they weren't supposed to. This happened.

If people want kid free weddings, I can understand, completely - perhaps their friends have kids that will be expected to accomodate them. But our wedding was not exactly child friendly and we did not make it to be so - there was no provisions made for them aside from a room upstairs that could be used to put them in away from the drinking, smoking, pot, dirty toasts, games with chocolate genitals as prizes, filthy drunk speeches later... a couple people dancing in their underwear with glued on fake moustaches to their crotches. it was the guests choice to bring the kids.

Martina · 08-27-2013, 01:53 AM

If you are making people travel, then I would expect them to bring their kids. If the kids have come a long way, it is rude to expect them to be babysat in a hotel room. I say create a separate space with fun stuff for them to do with a few parents and others sacrificing some party time to supervise. Or, make the reception later at night, when kids are asleep, and make sure that the kids have fun stuff to do all day.

I am all for adult only events, but I am not for making life hard for people with families.

I personally think that holding weddings at distant places where practically everyone invited has to travel to is asking a lot. If you are going to do that, then make sure everyone who makes the effort to be there has a good time.

GraffitiBoi · 08-27-2013, 02:23 AM

When my ex fiance and I were planning our wedding we wanted everyone to be able to attend, including their children, but we also knew there were some instances where we thought it best if children under a certain age were not allowed to attend. We arranged for there to be a separate room with free day care for the children to go to during these times (we were covering the cost). This way our friends who couldn't find, couldn't afford, or didn't want to hire babysitters could still come and enjoy the day with us. We weren't going to ban children from the ceremony, we only asked that if they were unruly or caused a disturbance that the parents please take them outside.

Blade · 08-27-2013, 03:30 PM

I've been to wedding where there were no kids. I don't know if that was by design or because the parents realized that it would be an inappropriate event for their kids, such as biker weddings.

I think it is perfectly ok for a bride/groom to request no children at their wedding, for whatever reason or for no reason at all.

I've seen kids at weddings that stole the show and were the life of the party. I've also seen kids at weddings that should have been taken outside and given something to cry about. Then there is the restless kid that can't be still for 20 minutes, and the crying baby that the Mom won't take outside.

So yeah I think is to each his/her own as to how they want their wedding handled in all aspects of it.

The_Lady_Snow · 08-27-2013, 03:34 PM

I love love love to attend weddings, I love them even more when they are kid free, not because I don't like kids, but because sometimes I love adult time more than time with kids in it....

*Anya* · 08-27-2013, 03:39 PM

I raised two children and have 5 grandchildren (yikes).

I have gone to a couple of weddings with children and a couple without.

No children please!

Please.

There is nothing like talking, crying and screaming kids while straining to hear vows or having children running around the reception.

Nothing like it at all.

bright_arrow · 08-27-2013, 03:41 PM

I remember my cousin having an adult-only wedding, and being 16, I was mighty offended! But, eh, whatever.

We did go adult-only reception due to limit of people and costs, mostly. Open bar, and 4 hour reception, and all my family staying in the hotel with us were other reasons.

I admit, I was a bit pissed when people RSVP'd 4 people [with their kids].. but I figured someone was bound to do it.. And when I had 23 people not show [and not return my calls/texts] and lost the $40 p.p. on people who DID RSVP and didn't show.. Hell.

Not sure what was more awkward, telling people it was adults-only or figuring out a polite way to ask for cash gifts [as we already owned a house and all the crap we needed to go with it!]

aishah · 08-27-2013, 04:18 PM

my tolerance for "child-free" spaces is very limited (and for the record, i don't have or want kids). i do not believe people are entitled to child-free spaces and i see it as a part of a larger social problem the way children are treated in our society. that said, i get that people have an attitude of "it's my personal private party and i should get to exclude whomever i want." so, whatever. i would not attend a child-free wedding on principle, just like i wouldn't attend a gay-free wedding or a black-free wedding or an elder-free wedding or any other wedding that excluded an entire group of people. i do think that offering childcare or child-friendly activities at the wedding could be a nice compromise.

Apocalipstic · 08-27-2013, 05:32 PM

I work a lot of weddings and a lot of it is cost related. People spend so much money and they might want an elegant adult evening on rented chairs, rented tables, linen they will have to replace of it is damaged. I've seen so many weddings where no one is minding the kids and they run around tying chairs to tables with napkins, filling salt shakers with ketchup, locking all the bathrooms from inside. I've even seen centerpieces caught on fire by budding pyros.

On the other hand, weddings be a wonderful family event with good planning.

Its about how the people getting married want to enjoy their special day. Its not about what is convenient for the guests and about who might be offended

08-27-2013, 03:30 PM	#4
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,413 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I've been to wedding where there were no kids. I don't know if that was by design or because the parents realized that it would be an inappropriate event for their kids, such as biker weddings. I think it is perfectly ok for a bride/groom to request no children at their wedding, for whatever reason or for no reason at all. I've seen kids at weddings that stole the show and were the life of the party. I've also seen kids at weddings that should have been taken outside and given something to cry about. Then there is the restless kid that can't be still for 20 minutes, and the crying baby that the Mom won't take outside. So yeah I think is to each his/her own as to how they want their wedding handled in all aspects of it. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

08-27-2013, 03:34 PM	#5
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,077 Times in 15,670 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	Cake! I love love love to attend weddings, I love them even more when they are kid free, not because I don't like kids, but because sometimes I love adult time more than time with kids in it.... __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

08-27-2013, 03:39 PM	#6
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,446 Times in 7,284 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I raised two children and have 5 grandchildren (yikes). I have gone to a couple of weddings with children and a couple without. No children please! Please. There is nothing like talking, crying and screaming kids while straining to hear vows or having children running around the reception. Nothing like it at all. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

08-27-2013, 05:32 PM	#9
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,362 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I work a lot of weddings and a lot of it is cost related. People spend so much money and they might want an elegant adult evening on rented chairs, rented tables, linen they will have to replace of it is damaged. I've seen so many weddings where no one is minding the kids and they run around tying chairs to tables with napkins, filling salt shakers with ketchup, locking all the bathrooms from inside. I've even seen centerpieces caught on fire by budding pyros. On the other hand, weddings be a wonderful family event with good planning. Its about how the people getting married want to enjoy their special day. Its not about what is convenient for the guests and about who might be offended __________________ Last edited by Apocalipstic; 08-27-2013 at 05:34 PM.

08-27-2013, 12:36 AM	#1
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	at my goodbye party in england I asked that it be childfree. It was an afternoon event but it was the very last time I got to see most of my friends. I did not want to have to control my language nor watch what came out of my mouth (some of us were sex workers and many of us were into kink/bdsm and the jokes were not childfriendly). It was my last day with these people. I did not know if I'd ever see some of them again. I did not want to have to edit myself. Once of my friends asked to bring her three boys. I said the above but added "if it's ok that they play in the next room with the door closed and music on, then that's fine. but you are aware of the adult conversation that will be taking place, because of some of our employment, right?" she did not respond nor did she come, nor did we speak till I had been in canada for a couple of months. I think she was upset or pissed off. I was sad that she did not come but really, really... last day with people I had known for ten years. no. My conversations with them are not going to be child friendly. There were kids at my wedding. and at my reception. it's up to the parent. they know what we are like. There were games and prizes that were not child friendly. It's amsterdam ffs. the few kids were taken upstairs by the parents that it mattered to. The kids were kept on a very short leash and put to bed very early. The party went to 4am. I woke up in the bed with five little stuffed sheep and my wife and don't recall getting there. I figured it would be the parents job to make sure the kids stayed out of trouble, behaved and not see things they weren't supposed to. This happened. If people want kid free weddings, I can understand, completely - perhaps their friends have kids that will be expected to accomodate them. But our wedding was not exactly child friendly and we did not make it to be so - there was no provisions made for them aside from a room upstairs that could be used to put them in away from the drinking, smoking, pot, dirty toasts, games with chocolate genitals as prizes, filthy drunk speeches later... a couple people dancing in their underwear with glued on fake moustaches to their crotches. it was the guests choice to bring the kids.

08-27-2013, 01:53 AM	#2
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,284 Times in 4,167 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	If you are making people travel, then I would expect them to bring their kids. If the kids have come a long way, it is rude to expect them to be babysat in a hotel room. I say create a separate space with fun stuff for them to do with a few parents and others sacrificing some party time to supervise. Or, make the reception later at night, when kids are asleep, and make sure that the kids have fun stuff to do all day. I am all for adult only events, but I am not for making life hard for people with families. I personally think that holding weddings at distant places where practically everyone invited has to travel to is asking a lot. If you are going to do that, then make sure everyone who makes the effort to be there has a good time.

08-27-2013, 02:23 AM	#3
GraffitiBoi Member How Do You Identify?: Transmasculine Preferred Pronoun?: Male ones Relationship Status: Playing around and having fun Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Minnetonka, MN Posts: 903 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 990 Thanked 3,663 Times in 824 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	When my ex fiance and I were planning our wedding we wanted everyone to be able to attend, including their children, but we also knew there were some instances where we thought it best if children under a certain age were not allowed to attend. We arranged for there to be a separate room with free day care for the children to go to during these times (we were covering the cost). This way our friends who couldn't find, couldn't afford, or didn't want to hire babysitters could still come and enjoy the day with us. We weren't going to ban children from the ceremony, we only asked that if they were unruly or caused a disturbance that the parents please take them outside.

08-27-2013, 03:41 PM	#7
bright_arrow ☆ the stars are aligned ☆ How Do You Identify?: one queer mama Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: married to my Boo Daddy <3 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: nor cal Posts: 2,910 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,644 Thanked 9,363 Times in 2,296 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I remember my cousin having an adult-only wedding, and being 16, I was mighty offended! But, eh, whatever. We did go adult-only reception due to limit of people and costs, mostly. Open bar, and 4 hour reception, and all my family staying in the hotel with us were other reasons. I admit, I was a bit pissed when people RSVP'd 4 people [with their kids].. but I figured someone was bound to do it.. And when I had 23 people not show [and not return my calls/texts] and lost the $40 p.p. on people who DID RSVP and didn't show.. Hell. Not sure what was more awkward, telling people it was adults-only or figuring out a polite way to ask for cash gifts [as we already owned a house and all the crap we needed to go with it!]

08-27-2013, 04:18 PM	#8
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,440 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	my tolerance for "child-free" spaces is very limited (and for the record, i don't have or want kids). i do not believe people are entitled to child-free spaces and i see it as a part of a larger social problem the way children are treated in our society. that said, i get that people have an attitude of "it's my personal private party and i should get to exclude whomever i want." so, whatever. i would not attend a child-free wedding on principle, just like i wouldn't attend a gay-free wedding or a black-free wedding or an elder-free wedding or any other wedding that excluded an entire group of people. i do think that offering childcare or child-friendly activities at the wedding could be a nice compromise.