Random Memories

Nat · 10-15-2013, 09:00 PM

I remember another Natalie - the roommate and lover of my dad and stepmom for a time. I was maybe 8 years old and she was a musician, tough, with short blond hair. She sang and played the guitar. I remember one night going to see her perform, going into a dark room behind a dark wooden door and seeing her there bathed in a bright light, singing and playing, full of grace.

I remember waking up before the adults, tiptoeing into the living room, carefully putting her guitar in my lap, attempting to sound out something pretty, but mostly just holding the guitar and enjoying the magic feeling of imagining being able to play it and sing under a spotlight in a dark room. I remember liking her guitar picks, remember the feel of them in my hands.

And I remember after she moved out, she arranged once to pick me up and spend the day with me. I didn't know it was goodbye, and maybe she didn't either. She picked me up in an old bug without seatbelts. We went to the toy store and got bags to color and return for a small amount of money. We went out to some commune where bees were kept and children ran barefoot and we visited an old man who lived in a school bus. he gave me a hawk feather wound at its base with leather and beads.

Years later I heard her on the local public radio station. I found her cd at a local record store. I listened to it a lot in my early twenties. She was to me an unanswered question. She was family for a time. She became an absence and then even her absence eventually dissolved to a point where only the slightest residue remains of her in my memory.

Ginger · 02-27-2014, 03:59 PM

Being so small, reaching up for my dad's hand. Holding his hand in ICU, and its still so much bigger than mine.

Ginger · 02-27-2014, 05:16 PM

Third grade, left my glasses in the bathroom at school and they were thrown in the trash by mean girls. Telling my dad when I got home, somehow blaming myself, and his automatically being on my side, his loud twangy voice: That wasn't very nice was it? Feeling so much better.

10-15-2013, 09:00 PM	#1
Nat Senior Member How Do You Identify?: bigender (DID System) Preferred Pronoun?: he/him or alter-specific Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Central TX Posts: 3,537 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,047 Thanked 13,963 Times in 2,589 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I remember another Natalie - the roommate and lover of my dad and stepmom for a time. I was maybe 8 years old and she was a musician, tough, with short blond hair. She sang and played the guitar. I remember one night going to see her perform, going into a dark room behind a dark wooden door and seeing her there bathed in a bright light, singing and playing, full of grace. I remember waking up before the adults, tiptoeing into the living room, carefully putting her guitar in my lap, attempting to sound out something pretty, but mostly just holding the guitar and enjoying the magic feeling of imagining being able to play it and sing under a spotlight in a dark room. I remember liking her guitar picks, remember the feel of them in my hands. And I remember after she moved out, she arranged once to pick me up and spend the day with me. I didn't know it was goodbye, and maybe she didn't either. She picked me up in an old bug without seatbelts. We went to the toy store and got bags to color and return for a small amount of money. We went out to some commune where bees were kept and children ran barefoot and we visited an old man who lived in a school bus. he gave me a hawk feather wound at its base with leather and beads. Years later I heard her on the local public radio station. I found her cd at a local record store. I listened to it a lot in my early twenties. She was to me an unanswered question. She was family for a time. She became an absence and then even her absence eventually dissolved to a point where only the slightest residue remains of her in my memory. __________________ I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl Last edited by Nat; 10-15-2013 at 09:05 PM.

02-27-2014, 03:59 PM	#2
Ginger Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme lesbian Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: East coast Posts: 2,416 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,829 Thanked 12,295 Times in 2,057 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Being so small, reaching up for my dad's hand. Holding his hand in ICU, and its still so much bigger than mine. __________________ Reach out.

02-27-2014, 05:16 PM	#3
Ginger Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme lesbian Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: East coast Posts: 2,416 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,829 Thanked 12,295 Times in 2,057 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Third grade, left my glasses in the bathroom at school and they were thrown in the trash by mean girls. Telling my dad when I got home, somehow blaming myself, and his automatically being on my side, his loud twangy voice: That wasn't very nice was it? Feeling so much better. __________________ Reach out.