Friendship Circles: Gender Differences in How We Do It?

[Kätzchen]

So, what a great thing to think about: How do we build friendships, who or how we trend toward - in terms of friendship or how we cultivate friendship, our tendency or desireable method of communication, et al.

I identify as Femme and I count membership in this particular community as the longest setting of time devoted to my own character development, personal growth and cultivating friendship with others who share similarity within the context of Butch & Femme (and/or as a community of like-minded individuals who identify anywhere within the spectrum of Butch/Femme Identity).

I think it's healthy to participate in a social-media website that is specifically created for our own personal enjoyment but also because it's painfully clear that some (or many) of us do not have ways to establish friendships locally and find that cultivating and developing friendships with others in our online community, feels positive to me.

About communication preferences: I enjoy face-to-face communication the most, but don't always have a way to hang out with people I've known for years or even with those I have not known for as long as those I've known for better than ten years (20+ years, in one case).

I have 3 really close girlfriends: two of whom identify as Femme (they're members here) and one who does not; and of the three, two are married or are in long-term relationships. My closest long-term Femme friend is single and she lives out on the coast, she's also about five years older than me. She also identifies as Bi-sexual and Lesbian and she came out in her thirties (she's almost 60 years old now - so hard to believe!) We talk with each other primarily via email and talk by phone at least 4 or five times a year, but more if necessary - for example, a health crisis or work-related issue that need sorting out, but mostly we (my Femme friend who lives out on the coast) meet up at least once a year and spend a weekend in each other's company, just to enjoy one another, bond and have tons of fun.

And, since I am phone-less (right now), I couldn't be happier, I suppose because one time recently, maybe a year ago or so now, I was saying that I might end up using 'smoke signals'. *lol* And it's come to that, unfortunately, but not for long. So yes, having access to communicate via the interwebz is vital to my sanity... I like telephone conversations but for me to really benefit from cultivating and developing and maintaining vital friendships/relationship, I must say that hands down, Face-2-Face wins, pretty much all the time (primarily).

About whether I think gender is a factor in building/cultivating/developing/maintaining friendships:

Maybe. But for the most part I would say no. I think most people I am friends with I either met via a workplace setting or randomly at places I have been (the grocery store or places I frequent on a regular basis) or went to school with or any other number of ways in which we formed relationships with people we know fairly well. My circle of Femme friends is very small.... my circle of close family friends is small, too.

I would say that for me, it takes time for me to really know someone and I would think likewise, for them. I think I can agree that for me, it's an organic process - the idea on how friendships (any relationship, really) begin and flourish over time.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Miss Tick

Of course I might have less expectations for a straight man than I do for another queer.

I know I do. I expect hella better behavior and understanding from my community than the general straight population. Some days I think that's fair and some days I think I expect too much, but it is what it is.