What Is A Crush?

JAGG · 10-29-2013, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweet Bliss

*snickering *

I warned you. You might want to pick up catnip and a scratching post next time you are shopping.

All stocked up on cat repellant.

imperfect_cupcake · 10-29-2013, 11:43 AM

interesting!

I use "sweet on" to imply sexual attraction with the mental/emotional attraction. as in "I'd go there" if circumstances were different (they weren't an ex that things would get complicated and rediculous with; they are friends I enjoy but they just don't live close enough; or I believe for one reason or another it wouldn't work out in a way that one of us would be unhappy, so I don't go there; I have a partner that I love so the bulk of my feelings are else where and I can't get more interested (not as in a choice, but as in I'm emotionally just unable).

I do get scared or confused if people bounce up to me and say "I have a crush on you!" because it obviously means something different to them than it does to me. But then maybe not and they are just insane. that's the thought process. More than likely they mean something different but I can't help the fear response because of course my meaning is my go to meaning in my head.

I cannot get a crush on someone I don't know. I used to be able to, long ago. LONG ago. But now I just can't. crushes for me can start before sex or after we've had sex.

and I understand in love as Miss Tick does - it's something that is temporal. for me it comes and goes. If I'm in a life long commitment, I fully expect I won't be in love with me partner at times. I've been told this over and over by people who have been together for 15+ years. But you do get the bliss of falling in love all over again.

it confuses me when people say "I'm not in love with you anymore" after 2-3 years. well duh. of course not. that's limerance for you. the average life span of limerance is two years. I don't feel for them like I first did either. but I personally have reached a higher level of love. and the "in love" bit fades in and out. I m of the opinion that this is normal. And good. I do have lovely things like getting excited they are coming home from work - not every day, but most days. and I like to watch them sleep. little things that give me the "feeling" of being in love. but if I've reached a higher level of loving them, of course I won't feel in love with them all the time.

For me that kind of love requires trust, real trust, proven trust and making it through hard things together. That's why I put "love" (in the sexual/romantic sense) higher than in love.

I am finding this an interesting conversation... I think... this is something I'll have to talk about with someone if I am serious minded about them. I think it could show where we are fundamentally different in ways that won't work.

please keep coming with your own words and own orders. This is a great lesson for me...

ETA - for those feelings of romance I have for people but with NO sexual feelings of attraction, I call "romantic friendships" ... but these are not minor friendships. I think they come from a deep sorral feeling towards others. and I have been confused by having sorral feelings, in love feelings and sexual feelings for the same person (on of my exes) not only was I falling in love with her but she also reminded me of my dead brother in the nicest of ways, so it kinda did my head it at times.. lol...
but without sexual attractions I call those my romantic friendships. I know people who call me their "twin" and they flirt with me (but they don't mean it) and we have a deep friendship. that is a romantic friendship.
Lust is the other side of that coin. I just have pure animal lust for someone and I want them to use me in every way possible. then have a cup of tea a chat and a laugh and then we part ways. that's the bootycall... lol but there's already a thread on that...

Cin · 10-29-2013, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

and I understand in love as Miss Tick does - it's something that is temporal. for me it comes and goes. If I'm in a life long commitment, I fully expect I won't be in love with me partner at times. I've been told this over and over by people who have been together for 15+ years. But you do get the bliss of falling in love all over again.

When I pick up Truly Scrumptious at work and I catch my first glimpse of her after not seeing her all day, my stomach no longer drops into my groin. It’s been over ten years. No one could sustain that much dropped into his or her groin. But my heart smiles when I see her. And a heart smile reaches all the way from your toes into your brain. You’re whole body is happy. I promised her at our wedding that I would always be happy to see her and so far that has been the easiest promise I have ever made to anyone in my entire life. And for the record I would trade a groin drop for a heart smile any day of the year.

Truly Scrumptious · 10-30-2013, 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Tick

When I pick up Truly Scrumptious at work and I catch my first glimpse of her after not seeing her all day, my stomach no longer drops into my groin.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Cin · 10-30-2013, 08:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Truly Scrumptious

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

LOL. I'm sorry baby, of course it does. I don't know what I was thinking.

Did you read the rest? There was more ya know.

Gemme · 10-30-2013, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Truly Scrumptious

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Oooooooh.

Backtracking commences NOW....

kittygrrl · 10-30-2013, 05:02 PM

crush-I like you (maybe more)

Nic · 10-29-2013, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

interesting!

I use "sweet on" to imply sexual attraction with the mental/emotional attraction. as in "I'd go there" if circumstances were different (they weren't an ex that things would get complicated and rediculous with; they are friends I enjoy but they just don't live close enough; or I believe for one reason or another it wouldn't work out in a way that one of us would be unhappy, so I don't go there; I have a partner that I love so the bulk of my feelings are else where and I can't get more interested (not as in a choice, but as in I'm emotionally just unable).

I do get scared or confused if people bounce up to me and say "I have a crush on you!" because it obviously means something different to them than it does to me. But then maybe not and they are just insane. that's the thought process. More than likely they mean something different but I can't help the fear response because of course my meaning is my go to meaning in my head.

I cannot get a crush on someone I don't know. I used to be able to, long ago. LONG ago. But now I just can't. crushes for me can start before sex or after we've had sex.

and I understand in love as Miss Tick does - it's something that is temporal. for me it comes and goes. If I'm in a life long commitment, I fully expect I won't be in love with me partner at times. I've been told this over and over by people who have been together for 15+ years. But you do get the bliss of falling in love all over again.

it confuses me when people say "I'm not in love with you anymore" after 2-3 years. well duh. of course not. that's limerance for you. the average life span of limerance is two years. I don't feel for them like I first did either. but I personally have reached a higher level of love. and the "in love" bit fades in and out. I m of the opinion that this is normal. And good. I do have lovely things like getting excited they are coming home from work - not every day, but most days. and I like to watch them sleep. little things that give me the "feeling" of being in love. but if I've reached a higher level of loving them, of course I won't feel in love with them all the time.

For me that kind of love requires trust, real trust, proven trust and making it through hard things together. That's why I put "love" (in the sexual/romantic sense) higher than in love.

I am finding this an interesting conversation... I think... this is something I'll have to talk about with someone if I am serious minded about them. I think it could show where we are fundamentally different in ways that won't work.

please keep coming with your own words and own orders. This is a great lesson for me...

ETA - for those feelings of romance I have for people but with NO sexual feelings of attraction, I call "romantic friendships" ... but these are not minor friendships. I think they come from a deep sorral feeling towards others. and I have been confused by having sorral feelings, in love feelings and sexual feelings for the same person (on of my exes) not only was I falling in love with her but she also reminded me of my dead brother in the nicest of ways, so it kinda did my head it at times.. lol...
but without sexual attractions I call those my romantic friendships. I know people who call me their "twin" and they flirt with me (but they don't mean it) and we have a deep friendship. that is a romantic friendship.
Lust is the other side of that coin. I just have pure animal lust for someone and I want them to use me in every way possible. then have a cup of tea a chat and a laugh and then we part ways. that's the bootycall... lol but there's already a thread on that...

(in blue)
Brilliant. Well said.

RockOn · 10-29-2013, 08:54 PM

h.b.,

I love this (in your opening post) I am typing on a cell phone, please forgive, the best I can do is enclose it in asterisks.
********************
"Love" - full trust, adoration of who they are. rolling my eyeballs. wanting to throw them off a fucking bridge really badly but I make them a love card instead. less afraid of fights ending anything, future planning together. Cats.
********************

It is splendid ... And then you abruptly end it with "Cats."

Gemme · 10-29-2013, 10:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

h.b.,

I love this (in your opening post) I am typing on a cell phone, please forgive, the best I can do is enclose it in asterisks.
********************
"Love" - full trust, adoration of who they are. rolling my eyeballs. wanting to throw them off a fucking bridge really badly but I make them a love card instead. less afraid of fights ending anything, future planning together. Cats.
********************

It is splendid ... And then you abruptly end it with "Cats."

Well, cats are the end all, you know.

Jane Bond · 09-16-2015, 12:02 AM

For me, a crush is when I am at a function and I see a woman I noticed at another recent function and thought she was attractive. If I run into her a third time I will assume this was an act of God, so the least I can do is buy her a drink, exchange business cards, then call every one I know to find out all I can about her. If I discover she is gay, feminine and single I'd just call her and ask her to dinner or the beach next weekend. If we had fun, the crush would be developing then. If she said no, I would send her a postcard with a blue frowny face on it.

Girl_On_Fire · 10-29-2013, 10:55 PM

One of my favorite things about the OPs post is the "in love" comes before "love". I agree with the description. Being in love can be almost obsessive and all-consuming and it graduates to love over time. The more stable, honest form of being in love. At least that's how I see it. I know I have a crush when I grin from ear to ear upon seeing the person (or seeing them online even). It's a giddy sort of "I'm happy to see you and would like to squeeze you" sort of feeling. It's fun.

RockOn · 10-29-2013, 11:38 PM

Well, "cat" by the "other name" is the end all, this is what I know.

It was right there ... I could not help myself ... you know I could not stand not saying it ... had to go for it.

10-29-2013, 11:43 AM	#2
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	interesting! I use "sweet on" to imply sexual attraction with the mental/emotional attraction. as in "I'd go there" if circumstances were different (they weren't an ex that things would get complicated and rediculous with; they are friends I enjoy but they just don't live close enough; or I believe for one reason or another it wouldn't work out in a way that one of us would be unhappy, so I don't go there; I have a partner that I love so the bulk of my feelings are else where and I can't get more interested (not as in a choice, but as in I'm emotionally just unable). I do get scared or confused if people bounce up to me and say "I have a crush on you!" because it obviously means something different to them than it does to me. But then maybe not and they are just insane. that's the thought process. More than likely they mean something different but I can't help the fear response because of course my meaning is my go to meaning in my head. I cannot get a crush on someone I don't know. I used to be able to, long ago. LONG ago. But now I just can't. crushes for me can start before sex or after we've had sex. and I understand in love as Miss Tick does - it's something that is temporal. for me it comes and goes. If I'm in a life long commitment, I fully expect I won't be in love with me partner at times. I've been told this over and over by people who have been together for 15+ years. But you do get the bliss of falling in love all over again. it confuses me when people say "I'm not in love with you anymore" after 2-3 years. well duh. of course not. that's limerance for you. the average life span of limerance is two years. I don't feel for them like I first did either. but I personally have reached a higher level of love. and the "in love" bit fades in and out. I m of the opinion that this is normal. And good. I do have lovely things like getting excited they are coming home from work - not every day, but most days. and I like to watch them sleep. little things that give me the "feeling" of being in love. but if I've reached a higher level of loving them, of course I won't feel in love with them all the time. For me that kind of love requires trust, real trust, proven trust and making it through hard things together. That's why I put "love" (in the sexual/romantic sense) higher than in love. I am finding this an interesting conversation... I think... this is something I'll have to talk about with someone if I am serious minded about them. I think it could show where we are fundamentally different in ways that won't work. please keep coming with your own words and own orders. This is a great lesson for me... ETA - for those feelings of romance I have for people but with NO sexual feelings of attraction, I call "romantic friendships" ... but these are not minor friendships. I think they come from a deep sorral feeling towards others. and I have been confused by having sorral feelings, in love feelings and sexual feelings for the same person (on of my exes) not only was I falling in love with her but she also reminded me of my dead brother in the nicest of ways, so it kinda did my head it at times.. lol... but without sexual attractions I call those my romantic friendships. I know people who call me their "twin" and they flirt with me (but they don't mean it) and we have a deep friendship. that is a romantic friendship. Lust is the other side of that coin. I just have pure animal lust for someone and I want them to use me in every way possible. then have a cup of tea a chat and a laugh and then we part ways. that's the bootycall... lol but there's already a thread on that... Last edited by imperfect_cupcake; 10-29-2013 at 11:58 AM.

10-30-2013, 05:02 PM	#7
kittygrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: witchy Preferred Pronoun?: Fae Relationship Status: sipping on honey wine Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: near the wild mushrooms Posts: 9,500 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,659 Thanked 22,079 Times in 7,159 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	crush-I like you (maybe more) __________________ "We're nine meals from anarchy"" Lewis

10-29-2013, 10:55 PM	#12
Girl_On_Fire Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her Relationship Status: On Hiatus Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Connecticut Posts: 690 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,020 Thanked 2,684 Times in 562 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	One of my favorite things about the OPs post is the "in love" comes before "love". I agree with the description. Being in love can be almost obsessive and all-consuming and it graduates to love over time. The more stable, honest form of being in love. At least that's how I see it. I know I have a crush when I grin from ear to ear upon seeing the person (or seeing them online even). It's a giddy sort of "I'm happy to see you and would like to squeeze you" sort of feeling. It's fun. __________________ "Quit trying to reason with unreasonable people. It's like trying to have a meaningful conversation with an end table." ~ Girl_On_Fire

10-29-2013, 08:54 PM	#9
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,304 Times in 2,610 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	h.b., I love this (in your opening post) I am typing on a cell phone, please forgive, the best I can do is enclose it in asterisks. ****************** "Love" - full trust, adoration of who they are. rolling my eyeballs. wanting to throw them off a fucking bridge really badly but I make them a love card instead. less afraid of fights ending anything, future planning together. Cats. ****************** It is splendid ... And then you abruptly end it with "Cats."

09-16-2015, 12:02 AM	#11
Jane Bond Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: I look in the mirror and it's me Preferred Pronoun?: she her Relationship Status: alert Join Date: Sep 2015 Location: not here. Posts: 77 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 126 Thanked 189 Times in 49 Posts Rep Power: 0	For me, a crush is when I am at a function and I see a woman I noticed at another recent function and thought she was attractive. If I run into her a third time I will assume this was an act of God, so the least I can do is buy her a drink, exchange business cards, then call every one I know to find out all I can about her. If I discover she is gay, feminine and single I'd just call her and ask her to dinner or the beach next weekend. If we had fun, the crush would be developing then. If she said no, I would send her a postcard with a blue frowny face on it.

10-29-2013, 11:38 PM	#13
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,304 Times in 2,610 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Well, "cat" by the "other name" is the end all, this is what I know. It was right there ... I could not help myself ... you know I could not stand not saying it ... had to go for it.