Loving a Transman Isn't Easy

Miss Scarlett · 11-01-2013, 06:46 AM

I remember how I felt when my Beau told me that he is a Transman. It was about halfway into our first date and I was surprised but not unpleasantly. We were having such a wonderful time talking, laughing and getting to know each other that it just didn't matter at the time and it still doesn't matter.

I have many friends who happen to be Transgender but I've never dated a Transman before. He has many friends who happen to be lesbian but had never dated a lesbian, much less a Femme.

We've discussed, and I've been asked by friends, what that "makes" us as far as labels...straight, bi, etc. The answer to that question is that it makes him just him, me just me and us just us.

In other words, to us it just doesn't matter...period.

Let me add this...without divulging whether or not he has, is or is considering surgery, etc. (That's his private business. He is not a member of this site and I do not have his consent to share something so personal.) If he had, was or was considering transition, without hesitation I would support him 100%.

flapdoodle · 11-01-2013, 06:58 AM

I rarely write, almost never reply. I loved the simplicity in which you describe your relationship. That really is the bottom line. Enjoy it.

*Anya* · 11-01-2013, 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Scarlett

I remember how I felt when my Beau told me that he is a Transman. It was about halfway into our first date and I was surprised but not unpleasantly. We were having such a wonderful time talking, laughing and getting to know each other that it just didn't matter at the time and it still doesn't matter.

I have many friends who happen to be Transgender but I've never dated a Transman before. He has many friends who happen to be lesbian but had never dated a lesbian, much less a Femme.

We've discussed, and I've been asked by friends, what that "makes" us as far as labels...straight, bi, etc. The answer to that question is that it makes him just him, me just me and us just us.

In other words, to us it just doesn't matter...period.

Let me add this...without divulging whether or not he has, is or is considering surgery, etc. (That's his private business. He is not a member of this site and I do not have his consent to share something so personal.) If he had, was or was considering transition, without hesitation I would support him 100%.

I am truly happy for you that you found your beau.

This thread was quite a while ago but I think the difference is that the OP fell in love with a female-bodied/ identified butch and during their relationship, her lover came out as Trans.

The posts read as this was a surprise, shock and a sense of loss for her.

Your beau had knew this information about his transition and shared it with you during your first date. It was a wonderful thing that he already knew this when he began to date you and that he immediately shared it with you half-way through that first date.

I don't know what I personally would do if a year into my relationship my female-identified butch came out as trans and was going to go on T.

Even though I love her dearly, it would be very, very difficult for me.

Again, I am so happy for you. It is lovely to read of the joy you are feeling in your posts!

Best wishes, always. ❤️

Miss Scarlett · 11-01-2013, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Anya*

I am truly happy for you that you found your beau.

This thread was quite a while ago but I think the difference is that the OP fell in love with a female-bodied/ identified butch and during their relationship, her lover came out as Trans.

The posts read as this was a surprise, shock and a sense of loss for her.

Your beau had knew this information about his transition and shared it with you during your first date. It was a wonderful thing that he already knew this when he began to date you and that he immediately shared it with you half-way through that first date.

I don't know what I personally would do if a year into my relationship my female-identified butch came out as trans and was going to go on T.

Even though I love her dearly, it would be very, very difficult for me.

Again, I am so happy for you. It is lovely to read of the joy you are feeling in your posts!

Best wishes, always. ❤️

Thank you ~Anya. He is a wonderful person and I am richly blessed.

He's known who he was from a very early age and has embraced it for the majority of his life. His family is very accepting as are his friends and coworkers.

But if that were not the case and he came to me after we were together for a while, told me he was Transgender and wanted to (or not) transition it wouldn't matter to me then either. He would still be the same wonderful person only happier with himself and him being happy is as important to me as my happiness is to him.

DapperButch · 11-01-2013, 03:21 PM

Miss Scarlett,

Just for clarity, this is a "Transman" (your word) identified person who is not yet on T?

Meaning, you didn't think that you were out on a date with a biological male and he came out to you as FTM, correct?

--------------------

I agree Anya, I think it is very different to meet a person who tells you they are going to/might go on testosterone, than to have your currently female identified partner tell you they plan to go on testosterone.

Perhaps it would be less of a big deal for the partner who dates (or who have found themselves attracted to), both butches (female/male identified) and FTMs, but I can imagine it would be quite traumatic for a person who only dates butches. Especially if their partner had also identified as a woman. Huge loss. Huge carpet pulled out from under you.

Leigh · 11-02-2013, 10:58 AM

I've been lucky enough to fall in love with a pretty amazing guy myself and I'm happy for the first time in a long time

11-01-2013, 06:58 AM	#2
flapdoodle Junior Member How Do You Identify?: I'm the Mrs. Preferred Pronoun?: reflexive Relationship Status: Married in 2013 Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: sing it Frankie baby Posts: 81 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8 Thanked 245 Times in 59 Posts Rep Power: 1073757	excellent I rarely write, almost never reply. I loved the simplicity in which you describe your relationship. That really is the bottom line. Enjoy it.

11-01-2013, 03:21 PM	#5
DapperButch Roadster Guy How Do You Identify?: FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northeast Posts: 7,745 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,545 Thanked 26,813 Times in 5,772 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Miss Scarlett, Just for clarity, this is a "Transman" (your word) identified person who is not yet on T? Meaning, you didn't think that you were out on a date with a biological male and he came out to you as FTM, correct? -------------------- I agree Anya, I think it is very different to meet a person who tells you they are going to/might go on testosterone, than to have your currently female identified partner tell you they plan to go on testosterone. Perhaps it would be less of a big deal for the partner who dates (or who have found themselves attracted to), both butches (female/male identified) and FTMs, but I can imagine it would be quite traumatic for a person who only dates butches. Especially if their partner had also identified as a woman. Huge loss. Huge carpet pulled out from under you. __________________ -Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated?

11-02-2013, 10:58 AM	#6
Leigh Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, etc Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 7,767 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,029 Thanked 13,024 Times in 4,784 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I've been lucky enough to fall in love with a pretty amazing guy myself and I'm happy for the first time in a long time __________________ "When you fall off the wagon ... clutch the sides of it until you get a better grip!"

11-01-2013, 06:46 AM	#1
Miss Scarlett Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: . Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: . Posts: 5,530 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,478 Thanked 12,947 Times in 3,419 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I remember how I felt when my Beau told me that he is a Transman. It was about halfway into our first date and I was surprised but not unpleasantly. We were having such a wonderful time talking, laughing and getting to know each other that it just didn't matter at the time and it still doesn't matter. I have many friends who happen to be Transgender but I've never dated a Transman before. He has many friends who happen to be lesbian but had never dated a lesbian, much less a Femme. We've discussed, and I've been asked by friends, what that "makes" us as far as labels...straight, bi, etc. The answer to that question is that it makes him just him, me just me and us just us. In other words, to us it just doesn't matter...period. Let me add this...without divulging whether or not he has, is or is considering surgery, etc. (That's his private business. He is not a member of this site and I do not have his consent to share something so personal.) If he had, was or was considering transition, without hesitation I would support him 100%.