Changing last names

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Julie

Did I say honeybarbara you are shaming people?
No, I did not say that.
Perhaps you are feeling it on your own accord.
yknow?

nope you didn't name anyone and I'm the one that brought it up. so if there is a pa statement of "gosh, it feels judgy in here" *eyeball round* *saying nothing direct*

...and not naming who's dealin' it, I'll be happy to address it. so if you don't mean *me*, then how bout:

actually quoting who and what they said to actually address the comments you *do* mean, so it's clear and my princess self don't get all me me me knickers wedged up in my crack hm?

[Julie]

Nah... I am not in the mood to play tonight.
However... If you would like me to help you pull your princess knickers out of that crack of yours -- send me a shout!
:-)

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Julie

Nah... I am not in the mood to play tonight.
However... If you would like me to help you pull your princess knickers out of that crack of yours -- send me a shout!
:-)

well... that's ok too. you aren't interested in the dialogue. no one has to be. Im sure you have more important things to do. My neurology isn't really getting done as I tippy tap away here.

you could help me by tying some floss to the drive-by-comment to the gusset, on your way past, in future.

[Julie]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

well... that's ok too. you aren't interested in the dialogue. no one has to be. Im sure you have more important things to do. My neurology isn't really getting done as I tippy tap away here.

you could help me by tying some floss to the drive-by-comment to the gusset, on your way past, in future.

Actually, I am interested in dialogue with you. I am rather intrigued by your mind and how you formulate your thoughts.

And... I had to have the aussie translate your last paragraph for me. And you are right, I am not following through and my intention was not for a drive by. I just don't have the energy tonight or brain power and will be happy to continue this with you when I do. And I say that with the utmost respect. Seriously.

[imperfect_cupcake]

LOL no worries. I'm glad you can be fine with a bit of ribbing.

form my thoughts?? that's a compliment. I find they leave my head faster than they set. I need to express as I think. My flatmate hates me

Have a restful eve.

[Ginger]

Hi, Julie, yeah I was referring to your post because it's the only one so far that judged (yes, judged), the thread to be trivial. Scout

[Julie]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

Hi, Julie, yeah I was referring to your post because it's the only one so far that judged (yes, judged), the thread to be trivial. Scout

I really really wanted to get off this box, but could not bypass your post.

This is what I said (and I quote me).

"I do not care about the personal choices people make when it comes to such matters as trivial as this, in the scheme of things. And I certainly am not going to shame another for taking her butches name. If this makes her happy and them happy. Then I say - MAZEL TOV! We should be congratulating the couple on their marriage and not shaming them."

In the scheme of things. There are a LOT of really viable and important happenings in the world, and this was a ME ME ME statement. I think in the scheme of things, it is trivial. That does not mean I am trivializing the choices people make.

Now I will go to my couch!

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by Julie

I really really wanted to get off this box, but could not bypass your post.

This is what I said (and I quote me).

"I do not care about the personal choices people make when it comes to such matters as trivial as this, in the scheme of things. And I certainly am not going to shame another for taking her butches name. If this makes her happy and them happy. Then I say - MAZEL TOV! We should be congratulating the couple on their marriage and not shaming them."

In the scheme of things. There are a LOT of really viable and important happenings in the world, and this was a ME ME ME statement. I think in the scheme of things, it is trivial. That does not mean I am trivializing the choices people make.

Now I will go to my couch!

No worries.

[Gemme]

At this point, I am unlikely to change my name. It's a name I choose to keep due to the connection between it, myself and a wonderful woman who is no longer on this Earth. Plus, it sounds good.

With my first marriage, it was an automatic move...not even a decision or choice, really. As previously mentioned, it's something that was 'expected' of me and I was young and naive and hadn't fully formed my backbone or world view. Now, some very important, lifelong documents have that name on it. Stuff I can't change. So, I truly regret giving in to that expectation.

[bright_arrow]

I feel like we are looking for a statement that answers it all, which is impossible of course because there are people who have/gave a multitude of different answers.

We've looked at the history of marriage, we've talked about it as an ownership vs a mutual commitment (and cases where it's been one in the same), both butches and femmes have spoken as to why they would change/wouldn't change/would consider it, we've mentioned other contributing factors where their name has meaning to them such as being the only one with it/ it being unique in itself/ etc. We have mentioned it as something we were conditioned to think we had to do. We have talked about the butch = masculine/dominant role and femme = feminine/submissive role, though we didn't talk about if the femme was in a dominant role and what her view on it (I know someone mentioned "Jane and Jane's boi" but I do not see it in the posts below my response here so I do not remember who said it, I'm sorry). I know we mentioned how cis-men rarely take their wife's name but alas we have no cis-men in here whose brain to pick.

I personally can not see another way to pick it apart or find other answers to give.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by desd

I feel like we are looking for a statement that answers it all, which is impossible of course because there are people who have/gave a multitude of different answers.

We've looked at the history of marriage, we've talked about it as an ownership vs a mutual commitment (and cases where it's been one in the same), both butches and femmes have spoken as to why they would change/wouldn't change/would consider it, we've mentioned other contributing factors where their name has meaning to them such as being the only one with it/ it being unique in itself/ etc. We have mentioned it as something we were conditioned to think we had to do. We have talked about the butch = masculine/dominant role and femme = feminine/submissive role, though we didn't talk about if the femme was in a dominant role and what her view on it (I know someone mentioned "Jane and Jane's boi" but I do not see it in the posts below my response here so I do not remember who said it, I'm sorry). I know we mentioned how cis-men rarely take their wife's name but alas we have no cis-men in here whose brain to pick.

I personally can not see another way to pick it apart or find other answers to give.

because we are looking at it from an individual point of view. not a systemic.

Like for instance... I always assumed I would be the one to give up my name IF I got married. but I didn't "believe" in marriage till I was about 35.
I didn't even *consider* that someone would *want* to take my name.

that's a systemic issue. And I know more than just me had that.

[bright_arrow]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

because we are looking at it from an individual point of view. not a systemic.

Like for instance... I always assumed I would be the one to give up my name IF I got married. but I didn't "believe" in marriage till I was about 35.
I didn't even *consider* that someone would *want* to take my name.

that's a systemic issue. And I know more than just me had that.

I never thought I would get married/be good enough for someone to be 'worthy' or marriage or have children.. so, I never gave thought to my name. When I decided I would take Bard's, my family (particularly my dad) kind of went up in arms about it - they assumed, I guess, I would keep mine. However, we both know had it been to a cis-man, it wouldn't have been
questioned.

My friends/co-workers though automatically assumed that is just what I would do. I defer often to my wife, but as much as I try to 'give the reins' over, sometimes I have to make the decisions!