Caregivers and Stress

[girl_dee]

Even with all the stress, smothering and clinging on to me for dear life i am thankful that my mom isn't as sick as she was and will enjoy a nice holiday with the family together again.

Last year she was pretty much near death and none of us really knew. She hid it well. She told me she is very afraid of dying. i know she thinks about it a lot.

[PoeticSilence]

It took me a while to catch up, but I'll toss in a couple notes. When I was trying to figure out how wait on disability to kick in (still waiting) I started looking up state agencies for aide, and my pharmacy and my doctor worked out something where I get all but one of my meds for free. The other one I pay seventy five dollars a month for. That's a four hundred dollar a month burden lifted from my shoulders.

The other program was with NE state social services. They set me up with foodstamps, and Medicaid for my wifes' son, we are still working on me and my wifes' Medicaid. They also gave us utility assistance, it was only like four hundred dollars for the entire year, but believe me, that was very helpful because I live in a very cold place when winter hits.

I have totally humbled myself while I wait for my long term disability to recognize my inability to work, and for my SSD to kick in, and I called every charitable organization in my city, including churches to see what sorts of aide I could get. One place that was invaluable was a place that rents out things like wheelchairs and reclining chairs that help you stand, and oxygen concentrators. My concentrator costs me four hundred dollars a month to rent it out, but I'm working something out with them right now since I no longer have insurance. If that doesn't go through, I'll go back to the place I got my wheelchair from and rent that concentrator they have for like fifty dollars a year.

Call everyone, even your local YWCA and see if they have any programs to help an elderly woman and give them your specifics. I've even been offered a weekly class for free on dealing with my disability stress. At one of the hospitals they have a special swimming pool for disabled people and I'm waiting to be notified of my SSD before I can apply to use the pool. Now remember, I'm the caregivee, not the caregiver, but I'm sure they'll have something for you as well. There are plenty of potlucks and meetings for caregivers in my community, you really just need to check around.

My AARP newsletter and the AARP site also had a ton of information about services available to me and my caregiving wife. Don't forget to give them a shout out.

[TruTexan]

OK, good news: My mom's state benefits have been reinstated as of today, but they are still working on reinstating ALL of her food stamp benefits like she had before in the special SNAP Cap program. Since I had to re-enroll her for Snap, they cut her food stamps down from 65 to 29 without the special program she was in. So, they are working on that part of the last thing to fix, and I Hope they can give them all back to her, she needs every bit of them she can qualify for under that program.The Bad News: My sister found out my mom's SSI check and Social Security check will both be late in December and the only thing on time will be her tiny VA check on the 1st of Dec. So, my sister took mom to walmart and got her some stuff she needed and I hope she went to the grocery store as well. I'll be helping mom with money come the 3rd of Dec when I get my own disability check so if she needs anything else, she wont be going without.
My younger sister and family are down from TN for Thanksgiving, and are staying at mom's so, no stress on me having them in my 1bdrm apt. I"m happy she was able to come down because we wouldn't get to see her for Christmas this year.

Dad is coming down day after Thanksgiving to stay with me for a week, that's a bit stressful, but I"m going to try and make the most of it, I haven't seen him in a few months and he's had another stint put in this past month. He's only got the upper part of his heart that works due to a major heart attack years ago causing the lower half not to pump. He is not that healthy with a bad heart, but he gets around ok. He's also diabetic and starting to lose his eyesight in his right eye he had surgery on it a couple years ago that didn't help any. I"m glad I get to see him and spend time with him. At anytime, he could have another major heart attack and I could lose him. I wish grandma was coming with him, but she's staying home and is going to enjoy her time alone from dad. She deserves it since dad can be a real pain in the ass to her.
Anywho, I hope all of you have a Happy Thanksgiving and are able to share it with loving family and friends.

[TruTexan]

I finally got my mom re-instated for her medicaid, medicare savings program, etc and still working on her Snap food stamps.....I just have to wait 48hrs to see if they are activated by then. By Jan.1, her Snap foodstamp benefits should be all on one card and not 2 because they had to do a supplement to make sure she gets her full amount she is due like she had before all this stuff got messed up. I'm glad the Congressman and State Senators for my district were able to assist in the matter and getting things going again. I'm grateful for their help. It's been very frustrating. My younger sister spoke to a head supervisor at social security and got them looking into the matter of the doubling of benefits to see if it's human error or computer issues. I also have my congressman and state rep. working to see if that is a nationwide problem. I hope it's not, if it is, man o man, it's affected thousands that are on SSI and VA widows benefits. I just hope it's fixed before Jan.1st so it doesn't happen again with the cola raises.

Hope everyone else is doing great !

[girl_dee]

My mother could benefit from the new programs offered but she is too stubborn to even look at them. She's happy with the insurance she pays for each month so i am leaving that subject alone.

Things have gotten much better. She waits i be invited after work at least. She still has absolutely no life outside of me but i cannot fix that. She has offers and could reach out but she won't. i just go on about my business and include her when i want to.

Its a sad existence but its all her choice. It weighs heavy on me but its much better.

[Rockinonahigh]

A quick note.In the doctors offices there is a magazine that has all kinds of agencies with phone numbers to a lot of services both nationaly as well as state wide,I can't remember the name of it but I haven't seen an office that didn't have a bunch of them..take one it's free.

[TruTexan]

So are all the other caregivers doing ok lately? I'm doing well so far. MUCH LESS stressed since I got mom's benefits all restored so far, we'll see how things go in Jan. 2014 when cola raises are here.

I hope all of you are having a much less stressful month this month, despite the holidays being upon us and that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

[girl_dee]

The weekends are a challenge for me. My mother waits for me to open the door to let my dog out to pounce on me and she does not let go for two days straight. She comes in and i have to fight to get her back out again. Her apartment is so damn nice, its very upsetting to me that she is so unhappy in it. i worked so hard to make it a place of her own that she can do whatever she wants in and afford to stay somewhere besides a home.

i told her that i needed to make a call.. HINT HINT go home! She will leave with a *ok i'm going to give you your SPACE*.. or *i'm aggravating you aren't i????*.. or *ok i'm going so you can have your privacy*

Just once can't she go because she likes being in HER own space? Why make a comment?? Just go and be glad that we've spent the day together. Nope, there is non of that, just snark. The only time she is happy is when we are out shopping or hanging out. i keep thinking if i do the things she wants and needs to do she will back off, that does not work, as soon as we are done with one thing she is ready to do something else. She is miserable here and bored to death because her fear of the world keeps her locked up. She lives literally 10 feet from my back door and locks herself in anytime she is there.

i keep hearing that one day i will be sorry i am being this way because she won't be around. i am sure that is true,but right now, in this moment i feel smothered. AND i did this to myself.

She only wants to socialize if i bring her, she won't drive to see the family but pushes me to bring her. i am trying to understand what the problem is.
She does nothing to enjoy herself in her place/space. Just sits and stares at the TV if she is in there. There is no *homely* feeling in there, its just a place she hides until she sees me and runs over here.

AND of course the guilt over the way i feel weighs heavy on me.