Poly-friendly mingling/flirting thread

[Ms. Meander]

Hello!

I am an ethical non-monogamist. If I'm doing labels I also identify with the term, Solo Polyamorist. What that means to me is that I am not seeking a primary partner or wish to establish any kind of hierarchical relationship system of my own. I am my own primary partner.

But that does not mean I am not seeking meaningful connections, open to, and capable of love and the possibility of long-term commitments. In fact, meaningful connection is imperative. There are many ways of creating and sustaining alternative relationships as long as all parties are really secure with themselves, know who they are and what they want, are extremely open, honest, and communicative, and are safe and sane. I know it's a lot to ask and honestly, it's hard to find. But I'm patient (except when I'm not). I'd rather be alone than enter into anything that does not meet these basic criteria.

I currently have one lover who fits the bill and I adore her. Just having someone in my life who shares similar values and ethics, and can practice them with me, feeds my soul.

In general, I find myself with no lack of suitors but most of them are not poly-minded. When I bring it up, one of two things happens: 1) They cut and run 2) They decide they like me so much that maybe they would be willing to consider it. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and space to evolve, but this is often disastrous because what usually happens is that this person is not really okay with it, is actually hoping that I'll change my mind and make them my one and only, and people get hurt. Another thing that happens is that they will keep me as an option until someone else comes along who suits their relationship style better. You know what? That hurts my feelings! Just because I'm non-monogamous does not mean I don't have feelings. And ya know --- I'm not here to convince anyone of anything. I just want to be met on equal ground.

So, there's my nutshell introduction. Pleased to meet you! <insert curtsey>
xo

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

I was just thinking how funny it was that almost everything about me has evolved including being poly. I am more open to discussing what poly looks like to my partners than when I was younger and took the this is what my poly is approach. However like many of you as soon as someone learns that I am poly they usually run the other way or keep me around until someone monogamous shows up and I would rather be single then be anyone's second choice. I enjoy being poly all that goes with it including the hectic times. Okay so I don't enjoy being a single poly person but that is all part of life and will change I am sure. I also get tired of explaining to non poly people that it isn't all about sex. Hell I have had poly relationships that didn't involve sex at all but was very satisfying. Anyways just wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year

[JustLovelyJenn]

I tend to be very quiet in threads like this, with just occasional blurps of information... but as I do like to at least introduce myself... here goes.

I have been openly poly for over a decade, however a majority of my relationships have been monogamous. I love completely, no matter who or how many I love. And I find joy and happiness in watching my partner with someone else, when the connection is right. That being said, I am most comfortable with a primary relationship and things stretching out from there. But, that does not mean something different couldn't feel right, and I am open to that...

Right, I will just sit and listen now.

[Sweet Bliss]

So where do "den mother" types fit into the big picture?

I have decided that Great Spirit has no plan to pair me up.

Would be interested in "Walton's " type family commune sorta kinda thing.

Friendly community type folks who enjoy companionship. Or folks who need a break, or my personal fave, disabled folks, kinda like a Golden Girls thing only funner.

I wonder if there is a thread for this?

I daydream about a house full of roomies that are one big family like the Waltons.

[QueenofSmirks]

Originally Posted by Sweet Bliss

So where do "den mother" types fit into the big picture?

I have decided that Great Spirit has no plan to pair me up.

Would be interested in "Walton's " type family commune sorta kinda thing.

Friendly community type folks who enjoy companionship. Or folks who need a break, or my personal fave, disabled folks, kinda like a Golden Girls thing only funner.

I wonder if there is a thread for this?

I daydream about a house full of roomies that are one big family like the Waltons.

I'd love to comment, but I'm not actually sure what you mean. The "Waltons" were all biologically connected ... so I'm having a hard time making the bridge from that to a poly relationship. Can you clarify? In other words, what would that look like?

[imperfect_cupcake]

I lived in a queer radical house share in London. And people were poly or nonmonog. At first there were six and then partners moved in and a bunk bed was put in the storage room for there was 11 at one point.

It was vegetarian, butch, femme, transmasculine, dyke...

And it was hellish. It would have been fun in my 20s but having to deal with all the tops with control issues clashing and endless house meetings about cisheteromen (thus bisexuals being able to live there) and where to buy fucking chickpeas and what kind of toilet paper and who's turn it is to clean the main floor bathroom... May I never ever have to do that again lol

Oh. In a building, absolutely. If I ever win the lottery, I'm buying a block of flats from 8-14 units and doing a communal-community queer building.

But not doing a shared kitchen and bathroom and voting on bisexuals ever again.

I, my flat mate, my next door neighbour in this building and my mate that comes and stays with here four times a year for 28 days, are all old friends, communal and sluts. So, it's nice. Really nice. It feel very safe and homey. Lol

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Sweet Bliss

So where do "den mother" types fit into the big picture?

I have decided that Great Spirit has no plan to pair me up.

Would be interested in "Walton's " type family commune sorta kinda thing.

Friendly community type folks who enjoy companionship. Or folks who need a break, or my personal fave, disabled folks, kinda like a Golden Girls thing only funner.

I wonder if there is a thread for this?

I daydream about a house full of roomies that are one big family like the Waltons.

I can see this working, I know some people who are all thinking of living together in a family type setting, each with their own space in the same building, I don't think there would be any sexual intimacies in between the folks who all were residing in the same building, I would imagine that would take a lot of boundary talk to attempt to maneuver around all that. If someone was coupled I would imagine it working as well with their poly. I'd consider this if I could have a choice who I could pick to live with.


It would definitely have to be a bigger space, so that everyone would have a place to go and have *their own time*, *me time*, *couple time*, *socializing time*... I would only consider this with people who knew and had clear boundaries about personal space.


It's do able.