Poly-friendly mingling/flirting thread

[Ms. Meander]

I'll also add that part of what took me so long to "get it" has been that my boundaries were all mixed up in power dynamics, and being submissive. What I am experiencing *now* is that I can more fully submit and enjoy my experiences when I start on equal footing and make all of my own boundaries absolutely clear, and know I am heard and respected. THAT's hot!

Plus, I might be starting to explore some more dominant tendencies within me.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Ms. Meander

I'll also add that part of what took me so long to "get it" has been that my boundaries were all mixed up in power dynamics, and being submissive. What I am experiencing *now* is that I can more fully submit and enjoy my experiences when I start on equal footing and make all of my own boundaries absolutely clear, and know I am heard and respected. THAT's hot!

Plus, I might be starting to explore some more dominant tendencies within me.

I love how you just put this out on the table to examine, I think that happens a lot in poly relationships, people have a misconception and people who have submissive tendencies, character, habits will fall prey to someone who can manipulate them to think that *messy* poly is *acceptable* poly.


Submissive.bottom.slave does not mean you get to be treated like shit, manipulated, lied to etc.

Thanks for bringing that up!!

[imperfect_cupcake]

Nor does it mean you are on beck and call all the time.

Many people don't understand boundaries unless stated very clearly. I know some people are conflict avoidant and thus hate stating them bluntly and obviously. One of my best mates and my flat mate is like this. She an introvert, quiet, submissive and very avoidant. She does what she's told in order to please but gets very pissed off when someone doesn't meet her needs. She often talks to me about how upset she gets with her gf who is very dominant and says things and does things that upsets her but she thinks the whole world will turn upside down if she says anything or says "no" - her no usually looks like her being slightly uncomfortable and then trying to smile and saying well... Just let me check on that. And hoping you'll forget to ask her. She hints at no, rather than saying it outright.

Then gets upset her gf pushes. Or doesn't notice that she needs to talk because she's hinting at it.

I've told her over and over she needs to point blank say it. But she can't. It terrifying for her. And since her gf doesn't know her like I do (25 years) and her gf is a plain speaker, dominant and blunt, she thinks Emily means what she is saying.

I'm not saying this is you. I'm talking about this because three of my closest friends are all submissive introverts that often lose themselves in relationships because of this and have avoided relationships for years because of that fear. Em finally got into one but has fallen right back into it. It makes me sad to see them do this. My one friend has three Doms but refuses to be in a relationship with any of them. Sex only. They call when they want her, which is about every six weeks. She actually comes and talks to me first if she needs to say no because she gets highly anxious about it and freaked out. Sometimes I have the urge to just grab the phone out of her hand and type "no thanks, I'm busy tonight." If I put a softener at the end of that like "too bad though cause it sounds hot" to try and not 'hurt their feelings' they will see that as an opportunity to say "well if it is, then say yes anyway."
I keep telling her it's still polite to just say no without having to explain yourself. She doesn't like not trying to give reassurance when she says no. But it often gets her harassed for it. I now don't give reassurances unless someone asks me for them. That was another lesson. And I now find them actually kind of irritating if someone attempts to reassure me when I haven't asked/don't need because it feels like I'm being "softened" or "pandered".

Believe it or not I was really similar in a relationship. Until I did escorting dom work. Then I was exposed to extremely needy submissive men with a lot of privilege. And it cleared up my boundary problem in a tick lol. Sex work did wonders for my boundaries issues, more than 9 years of therapy did, anyway lol.

[Cole]

Hi Y'all!

Currently single and open to poly relationships. Have been in poly relationships in the past and have found that I am much happier when I am not monogamous.

[Mel C.]

Welcome...seems kinda quiet in here but maybe if we keep bumping the thread it will perk people up

[uniquetobeme]

Are there many, any interested in poly-fidelity? My partner and I have discussed polyamory and poly-fidelity looks like the only thing that may work for us, so I'm just curious, It also seems really hard to meet poly lesbians. We've looked at poly events and it seems like it is mostly married hetro/bi and there doesn't seem to be as much polyfidelity from what I can tell.

[DaddyNik12]

Originally Posted by uniquetobeme

Are there many, any interested in poly-fidelity? My partner and I have discussed polyamory and poly-fidelity looks like the only thing that may work for us, so I'm just curious, It also seems really hard to meet poly lesbians. We've looked at poly events and it seems like it is mostly married hetro/bi and there doesn't seem to be as much polyfidelity from what I can tell.

its here with some of us just its not advertised as often or much lolol... just kiddin ... but umm yeah I will say ... im living in a poly household now with two other lesbians :P

[DaddyNik12]

let me say this before some ppl think the wrong things ...


the poly relationship can be in many dynamics sexual and nonsexual , its kinda like one persn can fill your needs and you get your other needs met by another wither it be sexual or non sexual ... but ..i think that all people involved should be on the same page and communicate with each other .

other wise it can lead to many problems down the road or feelings can be hurt ..

and like any other relationship .. some stipulations have to be set with all involved



just my insight others might think indiferrently