What do YOU need to feel loved?

[adorable]

I have been thinking about this for the last few days. Sometimes I think, we think we know - but do we really? Can we actually say or explain our needs to another person?

What makes YOU feel secure and loved?

Is it a way that someone talks to you? That they pay attention to how you feel and are in tune with your emotions? Do they make you feel interesting and special? Is it being able to say nothing and just "be" with that person?

Or is it in gestures? Flowers, breakfast in bed? Notes on the pillow?

Is it routine? Coming home every Friday and knowing that Friday is always pizza night? Making the bed together every morning? Sunday is cleaning day?

What do you need to feel loved the way that you need to be loved?

[bigbutchmistie]

For me show me. Actions speak louder than words although I wanna hear it too.. If your actions arent matching your words I wont "feel" anything.

[daisygrrl]

A very nifty thread—kudos, adorable! Articulating one’s needs is really important—how can someone know that you need something if you don’t tell them?

Just a few from me (because, yes, I do have a list):
*laughter—lots of shared laughter
*surprise texts, voice mails, etc. throughout the day
*supportive of anything that makes me happy (like my career), even if it is dull to the other person—or translates to less “personal time” every-so-often
*not grumbling when I disagree or taking automatic offense (how else can a mature conversation be had when someone fears that s/he is going to be automatically besieged?!)

I'm a lucky grrl,
daisy

[bigbutchmistie]

Ok I will write in detail

Romance

Lots and lots of affection

Sweet emails, texts

Laughter

Being supportive

Being loyal

Being patient with me

Being understanding

Be sensitive to my needs and others needs

[Random]

For me to FEEL loved and secure...

Show me you love me by being mindful of me... By listening when I say something is important to me... by being consistancy in your actions...

For me to FEEL loved.. I need to trust that I can count on you... If I don't then I start building walls, taking back my trust, my belief in you... I won't rely on you, won't expect anything... and for me.. that's the beginning of the end...

For me... Romance is wonderful, but it's not what makes me KNOW that I am loved...

[Rufusboi]

Trust is the biggest thing I need. I don't need lots of reassurance or much affection or any romance. If we trust each other then I know she loves me. I need someone I can trust and someone who is emotionally independent and her own woman. That makes me feel loved. Rufus.

[Apocalipstic]

Trust and respect.

I am not very romantic.

[PearlsNLace]

Affirmations really help. Praise/acknowledgement. Attention. I dont think I need bucket loads, but yes, daily attention I do find essential. Im like a plant, I need lots of light and water.

[Random]

Originally Posted by PearlsNLace

Affirmations really help. Praise/acknowledgement. Attention. I dont think I need bucket loads, but yes, daily attention I do find essential. Im like a plant, I need lots of light and water.

Wow.. this is interesting...

I hadn't thought of people as plants... but we are like them arn't we?

You just have to have the right gardener...

[BullDog]

Respect and a true commitment to work through the tough as well as easy times.

[SuperFemme]

Love of self. Without that I tend to be numb to any other kind of love.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by adorable

I have been thinking about this for the last few days. Sometimes I think, we think we know - but do we really? Can we actually say or explain our needs to another person?

What makes YOU feel secure and loved?

Is it a way that someone talks to you? That they pay attention to how you feel and are in tune with your emotions? Do they make you feel interesting and special? Is it being able to say nothing and just "be" with that person?

Or is it in gestures? Flowers, breakfast in bed? Notes on the pillow?

Is it routine? Coming home every Friday and knowing that Friday is always pizza night? Making the bed together every morning? Sunday is cleaning day?

What do you need to feel loved the way that you need to be loved?

This is a great conversation topic for a thread!

For those that have partnered with me....the bad, the good, the indifferent...I do have to give them props because life with me is not easy. The things that I require to feel secure change as the tides of change come and go. Most of the time, I can articulate what I need, but there have been times where I was at a loss as to what I needed and that, of course, left them floundering too.

Most of the time, I need affection and attention but not so much that I feel stifled and/or smothered. I need an open ear and a spare shoulder for when I have a bad day or situation in my life. I need you to 'fix' my problems only when/if I ask you to.

I have my romantic days but I'm not a big flower-receiver. I prefer them living and in the ground. It has always seemed a bit off to me to give someone a gift that is dying a little bit every time you touch it.

I do like dinners out and seeing shows but I think those things are more maintenance than what makes me feel special and loved and secure. It's the behind the scenes action that accomplishes that.

Someone mentioned gardens and plants. Every plant requires a different amount of light (attention), a different kind of food (nurturing), a different kind of soil and a different area to plant in. I don't do well in frigid and dreary weather. Over time, I shrivel up and inward and I don't let people in. That can make a relationship very difficult. So, for me, this is a very relevant analogy.

[Ms. Meander]

Hugs are helpful

[Softhearted]

To feel loved and secure I simply need someone who believes in me and who can give me moral support in what I'm doing career-wise.... (yup, I once had a girlfriend who basically denigrated almost everything I did or choose to do).

I need someone who can hold me and show me empathy if things doesn't work out the way I planned... (Don't want to hear the proverbial "I told you so" or "What were you thinking?").

Also, in my own opinion, mutual trust and mutual respect are 2 fundamental keys to a good relationship.

Oh, and some flowers once in a while ! ( I love to give them too! )

[MrSunshine]

the ability to communicate like an adult.

honesty, integrity, open to other ideas besides their own.

And for shit sakes don't try to run the fuck!

[WolfyOne]

Originally Posted by Rufusboi

Trust is the biggest thing I need. I don't need lots of reassurance or much affection or any romance. If we trust each other then I know she loves me. I need someone I can trust and someone who is emotionally independent and her own woman. That makes me feel loved. Rufus.

This is exactly what I need and how I feel.

Trust has to come before anything else because where there is no trust there cannot be any love.

[socialjustice_fsu]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Love of self. Without that I tend to be numb to any other kind of love.

I so agree with this statement. It is the foundation for all good things to come. In some ways I believe this is where we fail in relationships simply because we don't understand the importance and vital role of loving ourselves. I believe it essential to have this in order to be open for another human being to enter our lives/hearts. I believe, for me, I must have a sense of peace - in me - around me. A turbulent soul finds that love alludes them, true?

I must have passion. Not just about each other but simply about living. Passion segues to many other emotions I feel we were all meant to partake. Become passionate and watch passion grow in another. It unfolds beautifully given the chance.

To be feel loved I need to share deep conversations with another. It connects our heads, hearts, souls. Talk with me not to me. Teach me. I will teach you.

To be loved I need one to understand the pain that comes with living and dying. How can you understand my grief when you come to the table of life with no experiences? I believe one has to know deep pain to know deep joy. This is part of the process.

To be loved I want respect. I believe it must be earned. It is how I treat my lover and how I want to be treated in return. Simple, yet it requires work and attention.

What else I need to feel loved...one that understands the breadth and width of odd family dynamics. To understand the connections and the distances. There are bona fide reasons for both.

Lastly, to feel loved I know I need to be validated as a woman, a human being, and a participant in life. Let me know, from time to time, my worth to you. Not so much appreciation, per se, but let me know I mean something to you and my life has meaning. I strive to live a life of significance and I need a witness. I hope to continue to lead a life of service to others (hospice) and my sense of worth comes to me in a myriad of ways - but hearing one say so - well, it simply soothes me and I feel loved.

[Kobi]

For me, whether it is a friendship or relationship, the most important thing is taking the time to get to know someone and developing a solid foundation based on trust, honesty, and mutual respect.

To get to know someone, who they are, what they want in life, their beliefs, goals, dreams, the experiences that made them who they are, their heritage etc is a most invigorating, fascinating and satisfying thing to do.

For me, taking the time to get to know me is the greatest gift I could ever receive. Allowing me to get to know you is an honor. To be known and understood ….there is nothing that compares to it.

Words and actions which reflect this understanding are important to me. I don’t need to be wined, dined, and showered with gifts. An impromptu picnic somewhere in nature means a lot to me. A card that reminds you of me, a seashell, a flower…that is what reflects your understanding of me and makes me feel special.

It is also very important to me that the other person be secure enough in themselves to not be threatened by my need to be my own person with my own interests, pals, activities, and alone time. I am not a “2 will become 1” kind of person, nor do I want to carry someone around in my pocket 24/7.

The ability to be comfortable with separateness and the advantages it provides to both the one and the couple is paramount for me to feel safe and loved.

[Andrew, Jr.]

For me to feel love it has to be genuine. It's a bond. A connection. This leads to true happiness. It is more than phone calls, text messages, hugs, dog walks, or a meal. It is everything. And it doesn't have to be limited to romantic only. I am thinking of all the relationships I have. I am truely blessed with them.

[MsDemeanor]

Puppy kisses.

(In my book, all dogs are puppies. Once a puppy, always a puppy.)