Things you should never say on a date.

[Candelion]

I've heard this one a couple of times.

Me: So, what do you do for a living?

Date: Well....I have a blog.....sort of

Me: Oh, do tell.

[imperfect_cupcake]

No, I have no clue why that would hurt. My ex is an oncology nurse and personally loathes it when sick people ask her for help out of her work hours. Most of the nurses I know are probably the *least* sympathetic people I know when sick outside of work!! LOL! For good reason, right? I do massage therapy and people telling me their neck hurts as soon as I mention that makes me roll my eyes. So no, asserting that it might be a drag when people spill "deep emotional truths" out of work hours I did not mean even slightly as an insult. We all have limits and yours might be work and close family and friends.

See someone telling me that I wouldn't blink. I've had mates die from heroin over doses. Sucks, yeah. This is why I'm saying, depending on the person. Life is fucking hard. At least I've known it to be. Someone telling me that I highly doubt is looking for kisses and cuddles. At least I wouldn't see it that way and I don't react that way to things anyway. My emotional boundaries come from me. So I'm pretty comfy with "deep emotional truths" depending on the conversation the first time we are hanging out. My reaction would probably be "wow. Fuck. That's intense. How long were you together?"

But I totally get that for most people, that would not be a thing to say on a first date.

Like I said, I don't suit dating. This is probably why.


Edit to add: if the entire hang out consisted of this conversation, rather than a ten - 20 min chat in the four hours of hanging out, that's another issue. Also if they said it matter of factly that is different than weeping and grabbing my hand (*alarm bells*)
But that's the whole thing about hanging out with folk right? Personality matching. Hard thing. I am very open, in terms of who I am, what my history is, what I think (no, really?? Lol) and if I disagree. But emotionally I don't give out candy till way down the line.

I can see how some of things I consider "meh" might throw people. I know things others consider quite normal to be very distressing to me. So. Swings and round abouts, right?

[Kimpooh]

"This one time, my ex....."
I really don't care about what your ex did. She's your EX for a reason, leave her in the past

[Duchess]

I can so relate to the topic. I used to think that there were so many things that shouldn't be said, but after a few flops I want to hear everything. I find this works better for me. I want political and spiritual views on the table. I want to be slapped in the face with whatever rude behavior they're packing. I've wasted too much time falling for the polished representative. I'd rather know up front whether to flee or stay.


Duchess

[Martina]

Do not tell me in a dozen different ways how fucking wonderful you are. I'll figure that out for myself. Or not.

[Mel C.]

Tell me anything you want me to know about you, just not on the first date

[imperfect_cupcake]

Well, we are quite different. So I think what one should or should not say on a date... Just be yourself and you'll weed out the people who don't like the way ya do it.

Easy enough, really.

Cause if you try to suit someone else's tastes you'll only be frustrating yourself.

[MysticOceansFL]

Lets see, I've dated maybe a total of 8 women but I don't consider those ladies ex's and I was once married and divorced and she's the only one I consider an ex an not much to tell really , except while dating I learn their likes and dislikes the whole nine yards an I usually courtship a woman for about six months to a year so you see I'm old fashioned and boring!!!!!! Hope this helps out since you wanted to know alittle about me Ms. HoneyBarbara, ~Tips my hat to you~

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

Actually, for me, this isn't true. I'm extremely interested in knowing about peoples past relationships. Especially the first time we hang out. I was told I "track" people. In other words, I watch and listen very carefully. If I watch you order a beer, and talk to you about it a bit, I will always be able to order your beer for you. You never have to tell me twice how you take your coffee. I note the kinds of foods you order, the levels of spice and types of flavours in them. hearing about ones past relationships tells me heaps about who you are. Talking about your exes tells me how you pick people. How you deal with them. What hurts you. How you cope with that. What's important to you. How you learn.

So with me? Please tell me all about your exes. All of them. I want to know.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by MysticOceansFL

Lets see, I've dated maybe a total of 8 women but I don't consider those ladies ex's and I was once married and divorced and she's the only one I consider an ex an not much to tell really , except while dating I learn their likes and dislikes the whole nine yards an I usually courtship a woman for about six months to a year so you see I'm old fashioned and boring!!!!!! Hope this helps out since you wanted to know alittle about me Ms. HoneyBarbara, ~Tips my hat to you~

I'm of the ilk of: Go for it. Say it if you want to. Sleep with someone if it you feel like it. Talk religion and politics (I do), disagree with someone (I do), talk about your ex (I do) if you want to talk about that you went to the ______ and ______ happened but you ex happens to be in the story, tell it. If you want to know how my last ex and I broke, ask, I'll talk about it. I'll probably ask you.

Yeah there are great horror stories on this thread - yeash - but I personally KNOW that I would BE a lot of peoples horror story. And I have been!

My *only* point is that there really isn't a rule of thumb that will suit everyone. That's it. That's the only point I've been trying to make. That's all.

[Cole]

Any sorts of deep emotional truth/baggage telling upon first meeting. I once went on a FIRST date with a girl who proceed to read me her poetry she had written on being sexually abused by a family member.

Also...'I hope you're into bondage. I LOVE rough sex.'

[cinnamongrrl]

"My mom called. We have to go."

This honest to god happened to me....

[imperfect_cupcake]

I think there is something implicit being stated in "first date" here that isn't really part of how I work, which is why I'm baffled by some of this.

I f this is meet people from online, I tend not to meet up with people without talking for a bit. And usually that involves getting to know you conversations. So by the time I meet them, we've gone past the "fluffy" conversation.

If I'm having a date with someone met through someone else, I've probably hung out with them in a group a few times, at the very least. And had a few conversations on the phone/text/email/Facebook. So again, past the fluffy part.

I'm not a surface conversation girl. I like difficult and meaty subjects, black humour, sarcasm and real life stories. So I get to those fairly quickly. A first date, for me, will not be the first time we've talked. Likely we've talked quite a bit before meeting the first time if online.

So that may be why I don't "get" first date rules.

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by cinnamongrrl

"My mom called. We have to go."

This honest to god happened to me....

I have to ask.....

is this like my mom called, we have to go cuz I'll miss curfew or

my mom called, we have to go, cuz there is a family emergency?

[TimilDeeps]

Originally Posted by Kobi

I have to ask.....

is this like my mom called, we have to go cuz I'll miss curfew or

my mom called, we have to go, cuz there is a family emergency?

or my mom called, she'll be here in 10 minutes?

[cinnamongrrl]

Originally Posted by Kobi

I have to ask.....

is this like my mom called, we have to go cuz I'll miss curfew or

my mom called, we have to go, cuz there is a family emergency?

if I recall correctly, she was thirsty amd didnt want anything that was actually in the fridge....and we were over 30 minutes away having lunch.... red flag much??

[Charmingbutch21]

Originally Posted by Kimpooh

"This one time, my ex....."
I really don't care about what your ex did. She's your EX for a reason, leave her in the past

This drives me insane-o. It's so disrespectful to the person you are on a date with.

[Cole610]

A couple weeks ago I picked up my lady friend for our 3rd date.
After she jumped into my truck she looked at me and said. “Hey you got your hair cut! Its about time”
WTF.

[Cole610]

A few yrs back I met this woman for a drink after a quick howdy doo online.
After the intro conversation she started to talk about how great her mom was and how “Well Off”
she was and then started to talk about all the things her ex bought her and the last dress her ex bought her was not to her taste so I said well you won't have to worry about that with me I don't like to shop. Needless to say that date wrapped up a couple minutes later. Thank God. lol

[Redsunflower]

How have I not seen this thread before?? It's hysterical!

A favourite first date one liner said to me...

'Could you not find a jacket to match your dress then?'

Cheeky git, I looked way hot.

And this...

Originally Posted by Miss Tick

LOL.

Although I still believe a first date is too soon to discuss the possibility of putting things up someone's anus, unless of course you met them on an enema play site, it wasn't so much the invitation that was disturbing as the timing. It appeared like she actually thought it was an acceptable, even a logical jumping off point. That it was the epitome of etiquette to invite someone for a coffee enema when they ask you if you would like a cup of coffee. I think if she would have just asked how I felt about recreational enemas during some lull in the conversation I would not have been quite so unsettled. There still wouldn't have been a second date in our future because if enemas are so important to you that you must bring them up on a first date I will be nothing but a huge disappointment to you. Best to end it now.

Miss Tick you are priceless.

x

[cinnamongrrl]

Idk if I mentioned..

I had gone to get a drink for my "date" and I ...down a bleacher and what felt like a mile to concessions and waited in line....

A little later the popcorn in the stadium (twas a roller derby bout) was smelling super good... I turned to my "date" and told her I wanted popcorn and she said..well go on get you some!

Smh